Who Invented Foxes?
News: After almost six months of operation and many dozens of rejections, we have finally received our first real submission from the WIF Android app!
Posted by Wrongfellow on 11 May 2015.
All   Business   Computers   History   Incoherent   Nature   News   People   Politics   Science   Sport   Travel   Typos   WTF?

JT - Public Profile

Er...blimey. WTF can I write here that isn't so tedious it'd send people to sleep? After all, the most rock'n'roll thing I do is listen to Radio 4 - although sometimes, I don't turn the radio off until past 10...AT NIGHT. And sometimes, I have a cup of tea that late too, even though it means I have to get up at about 2am for a wee - I suppose that's quite hardcore, really.

Oh yes, and I invented Who Invented Foxes (though it would have taken the form of some crappy blog had it not been for [user and admin] Mike, because my understanding of technology ends in around 1789).

And, like, stuff.
Here's the best of what JT has contributed:
"Is it true that polar bears dissolve in water? I heard the reason they're endangered is because when the ice melts, they fall into the water and dissolve."
    Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009. + (13) - (0) Permalink
Superb! I'm almost tempted to rewrite the voting system just so I can vote for this quote more than once. ;)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 26 Oct 2009.
God, that's funny.
    Posted by Socky on 26 Oct 2009.
Epic... Simply Epic.
    Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
At least he's not referring to poachers...
    Posted by Tiger on 15 Dec 2009.
They dissolve into Polar Kool Aid.
    Posted by Lollipop on 2 Jul 2011.

Overheard staff member in bookshop: "This says Pluto's a planet. Should we still be selling it now we know it's a star?"
    Posted by JT on 19 Aug 2009. + (13) - (1) Permalink
Everybody knows astronomers are just making stuff up.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.
Yes. Keep it for the little starlings.
    Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

"My son has invented a new word, who do you sell them to? I can't tell you what it is in case you steal it, it's a good sensible word, how much would it be worth?"
    (From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
    Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. + (10) - (0) Permalink
I thought sensible was already a word.
    Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
where i live, 4 eggs and a potato
    Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.
You sell them to.... the Patent Office!
    Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.
Who... sell you!
    Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

A concerned mother writes: "My 17 year old son has been very secretive with me lately, recently he has started to refuse to go to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room I found a magazine with naked men in it. He obviously has a girlfriend that he is hiding from me that brought that magazine into my home and I am afraid that they are having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he will get her pregnant."
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (9) - (0) Permalink
TL - but stick with it. It's a gem.
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009.
Conspiracy Theory Mum. Gay is just a myth.
    Posted by Moosh on 1 Jan 2010.
Really I think an unwanted pregnancy is the last thing you should be worrying about.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 1 Jan 2010.
I would like to make love to this woman and give birth to her babies.
I'm sure she wouldn't mind, because her husband was also hiding a magazine with naked men, so he's obviously cheating on her with another woman.
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.
Mom, just back away SLOWLY and put the porn down. His girlfriend will need it when she leaves the closet.
    Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

"My dentist says I have plaque. This is terrible. It will kill me.? Since he said I have plaque, I have been reading up about bubonic plaque and it is a terrible disease and kills millions of people and just spreads like wildfire."
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (9) - (0) Permalink
We're all gonna die!
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"Who did England fight in the English Civil War?"
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. + (9) - (0) Permalink
Poles and Pakistanis, obviously :)
    Posted by Moosh on 11 Jan 2010.

"How to get YouTube.com come film you? I have been calling, calling and calling YouTube like crazy to get to come film some videos for me but they won't come. I do not understand how other people get there [sic] videos on YouTube. YouTube needs to come film me because I have some funny stuff to show the Internet."
    Posted by JT on 21 Jul 2010. + (9) - (0) Permalink
Can we find out this guy's email address?

Someone should register YoutubeAdmin@yahoo.com or something and send him an email. :)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 28 Jul 2010.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." (US anti-smoking campaign)
    Posted by JT on 20 Aug 2009. + (8) - (0) Permalink
Not to be prejudiced but I suspect the Americans could be some of our best contributors!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 21 Aug 2009.
Ya think?
    Posted by Tiger on 15 Dec 2009.
I don't *quite* believe that.
    Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." (Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger)
    Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. + (8) - (0) Permalink
I couldn't agree more.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Shakespeare was born in 1564, supposedly on his birthday."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (8) - (0) Permalink

"What are the symptoms when a guinea pig dies?"
    Posted by JT on 7 Jan 2010. + (8) - (0) Permalink
Lack of breathing is one to look out for.
    Posted by JT on 7 Jan 2010.
Lack of enthusiasm when he is near your anus.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 7 Jan 2010.
What kind of guinea pig did YOU have, Cheddar?
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.
The Guinean Guinea pig. The one with 12 inches of crude manpower.
    Posted by Moosh on 8 Jan 2010.
Ah, the Guinean Guinea Pig. A great pet for children (so long as you remember to buy plenty of Vaseline along with petfood).
    Posted by JT on 8 Jan 2010.
Is it realistically textured?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 8 Jan 2010.
Lack of enthusiasm when he IS near your anus. Or Uranus for that matter.
    Posted by breadbocks on 5 Apr 2010.
Lack of enthusiasm when he is near poop.
    Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

"Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country." (Professional footballer on his recent transfer)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (7) - (0) Permalink
I have a vague feeling I know who said this.
    Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

American tourist at Stonehenge: "Why did they put the rocks so close to the freeway?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (7) - (0) Permalink
So people wouldn't have to walk all the way from the parking lot. What are you? Stupid?
    Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

"Why do animals like dinosaurs still exist if the fish died out hundreds of years ago?"
    Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009. + (7) - (0) Permalink
Fish died out...? Then what the hell was that thing I had for my dinner last night?!
    Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009.
A dinosaur?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Oct 2009.
Synthetic meat?
    Posted by Socky on 28 Oct 2009.
Loch Ness Monster?
    Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
"Why do animals like dinosaurs still exist?" *cough*
    Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
Porcupine?
    Posted by Lollipop on 2 Jul 2011.

"Do you know any good roleplaying games with dwarfs, elves and milfs?"
    Posted by JT on 9 Dec 2009. + (7) - (0) Permalink
imvu
    Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

"Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (7) - (0) Permalink

News headline: "Something Went Wrong in Plane Crash, Expert Says"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (7) - (0) Permalink
Might be something to do with the remains of the bomb we found in the engine. Just a thought.
    Posted by Destrii on 11 Jan 2010.
The plane failed to fly right in the crash.
    Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.
Call me wild, but I think they might have gotten the crash procedure correct. It was just the landing that needed some work.
    Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

News: "Diana was still alive just hours before she died."
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (7) - (0) Permalink

"Why did the Pre-Cambrian start?"
    Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. + (7) - (0) Permalink

"Is it okay for a Catholic priest to wear socks with scandals?" - another lovely typo!
    Posted by JT on 5 Mar 2010. + (7) - (0) Permalink
Catholic priests and sockpuppet-related scandals. I'm lovin' it!
    Posted by Moosh on 5 Mar 2010.
I think we've got a few of these now. Do we need a "Typos" category?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 5 Mar 2010.
I suppose we could - they're a worthwhile form of humour in their own right. I originally thought we should avoid simple mistakes as fundamental misunderstandings/blatant stupidity are funnier, but I couldn't resist this one.
    Posted by JT on 6 Mar 2010.
No. They can only have their togas.
    Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

American tourist visiting the British countryside: "Where are all the hobbits?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink
Dwelling in their holes, of course.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.
"New Zealand."
    Posted by David Gerard on 20 Oct 2009.

"If you're going to act spontaneously, at least plan it in advance."
    Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail....
    Posted by Mhaille on 27 Oct 2009.

"There are only two ways to have a relationship with a person - you can love them, you can hate them or you can tolerate them."
    Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink
Um. How is this stupid?
    Posted by Socky on 3 Dec 2009.
"There are only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't."
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Dec 2009.
"There are only 10 types of people in the world - those that understand binary code and those that don't."
    Posted by JT on 4 Dec 2009.
Yes, well. There are two ways how the inequal number thingy is irrelevant.
1. Tolerating them is the middle solution, the golden mean. It's just the combination of the two previous ones, so it basically the same as saying "both".
2. Loving and hating is one option. Neither love nor hatred will lead to a peaceful coexistence. It creates too much tension, it cannot last forever. Option 2, tolerating them is the answer to that problem.
3. Numbers don't matter.
    Posted by Socky on 4 Dec 2009.

Advert: "Dell Studio 17 Laptops are available in a range of different colours to suit the whole family..."
Small print: "Dell Studio 17 Laptop available in red or blue only."
    Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink
You can have any colour you like, as long as it's red. Or blue.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Dec 2009.

Genuine answer given in exam: "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink
Unlike other primates, human bodies do not have consonants.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.
He forgot the Elvis.
    Posted by Moosh on 20 Dec 2009.

Answer given in History exam: "Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink
Damn students on crack. Also, JT, where do you get the "answer given in exam" stuff? You're a teacher or something?
    Posted by Moosh on 16 Dec 2009.
Not a chance - I'd rather spend as little time around children as possible, horrid little beasts that they are. Found it all on some teachers website.
    Posted by JT on 17 Dec 2009.

Sign at ice skating rink: "Please note our hot chocolate is hot."
    Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink
This reminds me of one I saw at Ipswich railway station: "Warning: this heater gets hot"
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Dec 2009.

"Did you know that if you swap over the positive and negative on a microwave, it'll freeze food really fast?"
    Posted by JT on 24 Dec 2009. + (7) - (1) Permalink

"If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian is it still called stand-up comedy?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink

"Are lions really afraid of kitchen chairs?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (7) - (1) Permalink
And they're even more afraid of living room chairs!
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"Why does it take a year for earth to orbit the sun?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink

"Why is there 4 prongs on a fork but only 3 spaces between them?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (6) - (0) Permalink

"How many people have died this year from squirrel attacks?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
I think it's actually a sensible question, though I can't think why anyone might want to ask it. It gets a [+] from me for the sheer bizarreness factor, though!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
Same here - not stupid at all, but it made me smile.
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.
Killer squirrels are serious business!
    Posted by Socky on 3 Jan 2010.

"97% of smokers will die."
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
The other 3% drink from the fountain of youth.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

Headline: "Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
That one's great too :)
    Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.
The idiots at bestfinance-blog.com like to sign up to unrelated websites and spam their doubtless extortionate wares in places where their adverts aren't wanted. If you're reading this, I suggest you avoid them!
    Posted by AcevedoHAZEL on 8 Jan 2011.

"Experts agree Al Qaeda leader is dead or alive" (CNN)
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
And that one, too :)
    Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.

"Is Lady Gaga technically an alkali?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_Lady_Gag...)
    Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
If you place a piece of litmus paper on Lady Gaga it will reveal that she has a pH of 5. This means that she is in fact technically an acid.
    Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010.

Call centre employee: "Are you Mrs. or Miss?"
Female customer: "I'm Ms."
Employee: "What? What's that?"
Customer: "It's a title that doesn't reveal my married status, as whether or not I'm married is nobody else's business."
Employee: "Oh, that's a good idea - they should have something like that for men."
    Posted by JT on 4 Feb 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
When I was little I thought "Miss" meant single, "Mrs" meant married, and "Ms" meant divorced.

Of course, in practice I wasn't too far wrong.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 4 Feb 2010.
A lot of people think that!
    Posted by JT on 5 Feb 2010.
To be honest, I don't have the faintest clue how I'm supposed to pronounce all that. Well, except Miss, that one's kinda obvious.
    Posted by Socky on 8 Feb 2010.
Sock, Ms and Miss are the same. Mrs is Missis.
    Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.
"Ms and Miss are the same?" I wouldn't say that to any feminists, if I were you!
    Posted by JT on 14 Mar 2011.

"How do electrons work in the US?"
    Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
This was asked in a politics forum, so I think it was a typo for "elections..."
    Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010.

High time for US to invade UK?
three reasons

!>1. They fought us in civil war<!
2. they think they know better english than us
3. british girls think they are smarter in P/O/R/N

    (From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
    Posted by JT on 3 Apr 2010. + (7) - (1) Permalink

"David Cameron! is he conservative or Tory? I read he is a member of conservative but also see articles where he is Tory? please correct me before election day."
    Posted by JT on 21 Apr 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
Thereby proving my belief that some people should not be allowed to vote due to being too stupid.
    Posted by JT on 21 Apr 2010.

"Kenya and Africa are the same thing, I always thought...geography isn't my strongpoint." - Overheard vicar (!) in an Indian restaurant
    Posted by JT on 29 Apr 2010. + (6) - (0) Permalink
I heard that America and the world are the same thing, too.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Apr 2010.
I heard that France and Transylvania are the same thing.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 29 Apr 2010.
Nah, can't be. The natives have vastly differing attitudes to garlic.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Apr 2010.
Lol!
    Posted by JT on 30 Apr 2010.

Is rabbit can hop?
    Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Yes. It is can.
    Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
What's an is rabbit?
    Posted by Socky on 14 Nov 2009.

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
    Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Correction: A genius is a guy like George W. Bush.
    Posted by Moosh on 16 Nov 2009.

"Why would the radio on a 1994 corvette stop working after the battery went dead?"
    Posted by JT on 12 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Beats me.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"You can't just let nature run wild."
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Indeed. That would be highly unethical.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"How did the Great Wall of China get its name?"
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
It's a wall. A great big one. In China. But good question - I wonder why it isn't called the Tiny Fence of Iceland?
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Won't that ruin the film?" (worried onlooker as contributor inserted new memory card into digital camera)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
contributor: Free Will
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Where is the Amazon River Turtle's habitat?"
    Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
It's on little boats drifting on the Amazon River.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

Overheard in a pub: "...But I thought black people didn't get cancer?"
    Posted by JT on 9 Nov 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"Smelt the smell of weed in the BREATH of someone else...am I harmed? He wasn't smoking it, he had already smoked it, and he was chewing gum and I could smell a bitter tobaccoey smell coming from his mouth; I didn't know it was weed. He told me later on. But I'm so worried if I am harmed."
    Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
You'd better see a doctor immediately, before you scrotum implodes and you testes wither.
    Posted by Moosh on 13 Nov 2009.

Not very bright colleague observing me hand-rolling: "Do you like smoking tobacco?"
Me: "Yes. Do you?"
Not very bright colleague: "I don't smoke tobacco. I smoke cigarettes."
    Posted by JT on 19 Nov 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"If a dog wags its tail in a circle does it mean it's gay? My local GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) office didn't seem to know either which surprised me since they seem to have answers for anything that pertains to this life style."
    Posted by JT on 29 Nov 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
I think it's clockwise for a giver and anticlockwise for a receiver.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Nov 2009.
Very handy information - that's going to save me a lot of unnecessary bites.
    Posted by JT on 29 Nov 2009.

"What's the song that goes dun dun dun dun dun dunnnnnn?"
    Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Note: This one appeared in this (typed) form on Yahoo Answers.
    Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009.
The dun dun dun song?
    Posted by Socky on 3 Dec 2009.

Answer given in Biology exam: "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink

Answer given in Science exam: "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"If I keep my kids in cold water will it keep them small? It worked for my turtle and I don't want my kids to grow up, I want little people for ever. Do you think this will work?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ans...)
    Posted by JT on 22 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Lots of couples say "We want a baby", but have you ever heard anyone say "We want a teenager"?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 23 Dec 2009.
God. This is the most stupid quote I've read so far. Even more stupid than the "polar bears" one. Wow. Keeping children in cold water so that they don't grow up. Wow, I say.
    Posted by Moosh on 26 Dec 2009.

"How are dinosaurs bones found on Earth when they aren't mentioned at all in the bible? In Genius it never said anything about them."
    Posted by JT on 29 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
The Bible doesn't have much to say about helicopters, Boyzone or curry sauce, either. So, Genius, are we to take it that none of these things exist on Earth?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Dec 2009.
Genius doesn't say anything about them, but Irrelevations do.
    Posted by Moosh on 29 Dec 2009.

"If you eat pasta and then eat some anti-pasta are you still hungry?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (6) - (1) Permalink
Yes, because the anti-pasta annihilates the pasta. Duh!
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"[What are] the disadvantages of bombs?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Disadvantag...)
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Well, if a bomb explodes (they tend to do that) right in front of you, you might get hurt. Not that that's inherently a bad thing or anything.
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
I imagine some people would consider that to be the point.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 11 Jan 2010.

"Why are there school? Is a point to it?"
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"What does the Bible say about husbands and wives having homosexual relations with each other? My husband wants me to do things to him that seem homosexual. I think since we are in the sanctity of marriage it is OK, but I don't know."
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Things that seem homosexual? Is he making you dress up like a guy?
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
No, he wants her to fuck him with a dildo, obviously.
    Posted by Moosh on 1 Jan 2010.
Oh. That's not gay at all. Lesbians do that all the time, and lesbians aren't gay.
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"I'm 16, and I have a toy that says for ages 13-15. Does that mean I have to return it?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
How dare you?! You monster!
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"Did stone exist in 1066?"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
No. Back then all we had was titanium.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." (High school student when asked to explain Roe v. Wade)
    (From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roe_v._Wade)
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink

News headline: "Munching Swedish beaver causes blackout"
    (From http://www.thelocal.se/616/20041111/)
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (6) - (1) Permalink
I love this one :-)
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.
Me too! :)
    Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.
That's superb! I can't quite make up my mind whether it was translated automatically, or whether their English-speaking staff were just having a laugh.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Jan 2010.
So the beaver caused the power outage. Knaw Really?
    Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.

Headline: "12 Remain Dead"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Haha! I lol'd here!
    Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.
I found another: "17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree" :-)
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.

"Why was my dad so upset when I broke our computer to use the parts for school?"
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
He was?! Talk about overreacting!
    Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"How many times does the number 1 go into 100?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. + (6) - (1) Permalink
Once?
    Posted by Socky on 14 Jan 2010.
The number 1 goes into a bar. The barman says, "Oi! Get out. You're under 18."
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 14 Jan 2010.
Only 18 in a bar. Wow, where do you live, Puerto Rico?
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Jan 2010.
Does that surprise you? Where do you live, America?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Jan 2010.

"Who played Sylvester Stallone in the film 'Rambo'?"
    (From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
    Posted by JT on 15 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Michael J. Fox
    Posted by Necropaxx on 19 Jan 2010.

"What Bible quotes should I get tattooed on my newborn daughter?"
    (From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
    Posted by JT on 21 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Leviticus 19:28 springs to mind. :-)
    Posted by JT on 21 Jan 2010.
I am the LORD.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Jan 2010.

Andy, an old friend who isn't the brightest person ever, was examining his bicycle inner tube for a puncture having discovered it to have a flat tyre:

Andy: "Well, there's no puncture in that half so it's pretty unlikely there'll be one in the other half."
Me: "..."
    Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"Does fog affect visibility of stars?"
    Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"Does that mean you're into witchcraft?" ([Name omitted], pointing at Star of David on a menorah.)
    Posted by JT on 13 Feb 2010. + (7) - (2) Permalink
YES.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Feb 2010.
I get that question a lot, too, just because I have an inverted pentagram tattoo'd on my forehead. Idiots.
    Posted by Moosh on 23 Feb 2010.
That reminds me of somebody who lived int he town I grew up in, who had been a skinhead and into white supremacist politics during the 1970s and had a swastika and National Front symbol tattooed on his head. He later saw the error of his ways and grew his hair to cover the tats. Then, ten years later, he went bald.
    Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010.

Vince: "The speed of electricity is faster than the speed of light."
Me: "The what?"
Vince: "The speed of electricity - it's faster than light."
Me: "Er..."
Vince: "Think about it. If you put electricity through a wire, it gets from one end to the other instantly. That's faster than light."
Me: "Er..."
    Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
As you once told me, JT, the idiocy of man knows no boundaries..


Who's Vince anyway?
    Posted by Moosh on 24 Feb 2010.
He is ginger. That's all you need to know.
    Posted by JT on 24 Feb 2010.

"Is linguistics another science of Satan? Linguists suggest that the original human language originated from southern Africa and had a lot of click consonants. This is baloney, since the original language of mankind was Hebrew. They also state that languages change over time and create different languages, while it is obvious from the Bible that languages were made different by God, as shown in the construction of Babel."
    Posted by JT on 9 Mar 2010. + (6) - (1) Permalink

"In wikipedia i saw TGV connects london and paris too. how? Britain is separated from france by a water body...?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Mar 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
The thing that amazes me with this quote is not the poor grammar or the poor punctuation or even that the person asking it is unaware of the existence of the Channel Tunnel, but that anybody capable of making those mistakes/not knowing that can then spell "separated" correctly when so few people can.
    Posted by JT on 18 Mar 2010.
What do you mean? Everyone knows it's spelled "seperated."
    Posted by Necropaxx on 28 Mar 2010.

"Is leet a germanic language? If leet a germanic language? If so what branch?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 26 Mar 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
#4#4#4 y00 57up1|) n008!!!!1111!!!lol!!!one!!
    Posted by JT on 26 Mar 2010.
H31L t3h h1tl3rz0r!!!1!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Mar 2010.
5139 #31|lolwtf
    Posted by JT on 27 Mar 2010.
830WULF 15 480UT...
    Posted by Tiger on 9 Jul 2010.

"Does castration cause infertility?"
    Posted by JT on 17 Apr 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Yes. Who'd have known?
    Posted by Moosh on 27 Apr 2010.

"iPad - dishwasher safe?" (from Yahoo Answers)
    Posted by JT on 19 Apr 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"How many times does the sun go round the Earth every day?"
    Posted by JT on 18 May 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink
Ahh, the good ol' times when the Sun revolved around the Flat Earth twice a day.
    Posted by Moosh on 22 May 2010.
365, right?
    Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

"The 32-year-old was found dead in a delivery area behind the Oxfordshire Golf Club, near Thame, where he worked. He had been decapitated.

Police were called the the club at 3pm, but Mr. XXX [the victim] had died before paramedics reached him." (Cambridge Evening News)
    Posted by JT on 27 Aug 2010. + (5) - (0) Permalink

"Is it true a motorcycle can bring bad luck or death?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Yes.
    Posted by Socky on 19 Nov 2009.

"As far as we know, our computers have never suffered any undetected errors."
    Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"Which is the best planet for people to live on?"
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Uranus! Duhhhhh.
    Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.

Actor commenting on Jurassic Park: "You can hardly tell where the computer models finish and the real dinosaurs begin."
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"How many hairs does it take to be a monster?"
    Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
0, damn hairless monsters!
    Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding." (French ambassador, speaking on the subject of France's nuclear weapons programme)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
He's right, you know. It's not a bomb, it's an überbomb!
    Posted by Socky on 14 Nov 2009.
Yes yes, he's right. It's not the "Nuclear Bomb," it's the "Nuclear Device That Is Exploding." Sounds to me like a literal translation of the North Korean word for the bomb. :)
    Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.

British radio presenter: "For most people, death comes at the end of their lives..."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"A ghost would crawl up my leg and have sex with me at an apartment a long time ago in Texas . I used to think it was my boyfriend, and one day I woke up and it wasn't. I was freaked out about it, but then I was, like, well, you know what? He's never hurt me and he just gave me some amazing sex, so I have no problem."
    Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Glad to be of service.
    Posted by Ghost on 3 Dec 2009.

Tourist in Canadian park: "How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Well, it helps that there's a sign there to tell them.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 18 Sep 2009.
Very considerate towards elk, are the Canadians.
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009.

Tourist: "Which side of the River Thames is Tower Bridge on?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
On the side of the Tower.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"What year was the stone age?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
It wasn't a year, it was a decade! You idiot!
    Posted by Socky on 20 Jan 2010.

Tourist in a Toronto giftshop: "Do your Canadian flags come in any other colours?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Interviewer: "Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can't locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Miss Teen South Carolina 2007: "I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that, uh, our education such as, like, uh, in South Africa and, uh, Iraq, everywhere, like, such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we should be able to build up our future."
    Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"Police have confirmed bones found in a bag at the side of the M5 motorway near Bristol are human. Officers had been treating the find as "very suspicious..."
    Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Um, yeah - just a tad suspicious!
    Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009.
Well, I was taking Grandad to the crematorium...
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 6 Oct 2009.
haha thank you for this, i really needed a good laugh, 'tis the only thing i've laughed out loud to on this website so far.
    Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.
@cheqz, what you calling this website unfunny? If you don't be careful, it'd be your bones in the bag.

lol just kidding :p
    Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

Jamie Oliver, TV chef, standing in a desert Navajo reservation somewhere in the American West: "This ain't Britain. This is not Britain..."
    Posted by JT on 9 Oct 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Where did you think it was? Navajo? PFFT AHAHAHA
    Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"How come some people wear abercrombie and stuff but they are not popular? i just dont get it. I dont wear popular stuff and im popular. Other ppl who wear aeropostale and abercrombie r not pops. this might be a stupid question again. Oh yeh u might say u spelled something rong but i noe how to spell it but i type like this for aim. thats y."
    Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Behold - the next generation to hold power.
    Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009.
I am utterly horrified.
    Posted by Socky on 26 Oct 2009.
If this is what my generation holds, I refuse to partake.
    Posted by ColinAYB on 27 Oct 2009.
That's pretty normal.. It's been that way here since dawn of time. Ancient Egyptian kids who wore <s>Jaguar Skins&trade;</b> where not always popular. Kids who wore carboard boxen and wooden barrels for clothes were.
    Posted by Moosh on 15 Nov 2009.

"I've lived here for 15 years and there's never been a strike locally..." (Man explaining on television why damage to his telephone wires couldn't possibly have been caused by lightning)
    Posted by JT on 31 Oct 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Over-excited TV shopping channel presenter: "Each pen can do three colours! There's six in a pack, so that's 23 colours!"
    Posted by JT on 7 Nov 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
But if you're partially colourblind, you won't be able to see the difference between quite a few of them.
    Posted by Socky on 18 Nov 2009.

"Can you get pregnant from a bite?

I have no idea about the scenario that relates to men and womans having ovaries then getting pregnant. The thing i am worried about is a stupid dog, comes and bites me then like next month or a few i get a dog inside my stomach. Same to all other animal bites like a cat, i'll get a cat inside me like a woman does when she has a small baby. Is this true? In my country, because of the animal bites, i heard that we have to take about 14 vaccines or injections on the belly to get rid of the infection or it will form a small implant or whatever overy in the stomach thus a small animal forms and eats you up in the inside, then you die!!. Is this true? Because yesterday i almost got bitten by a stupid dog in a school field, i don't even know who that belongs to. I heard that even mens will get pregnant!!" (sic)
    Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
... (speechless)
    Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009.
where do you find this stuff, JT? :D
    Posted by Moosh on 12 Nov 2009.
What you should actually be worrying about is a dog biting you in the ass. It'll give you Super Dog AIDS. FOR REALZ!
    Posted by Socky on 12 Nov 2009.
Mike and I have been collecting and swapping examples of human stupidity for years - our ears are highly tuned to hunting them down. This particular example was Wikianswers, I think. :-)
    Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009.
The moral of the story: If a dog attacks you, make sure you bite it first. That way the dog will get pregnant instead of you. Problem solved!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Nov 2009.
I quite often bite dogs in the street just because they offend me by not being cats. Suppose that explains why so many puppies round here look like me.
    Posted by JT on 13 Nov 2009.
Of course. Where esle could Catwoman have come from?
    Posted by Ghost on 15 Nov 2009.

Me: "Is that shop up the road open 24 hours a day?"
Andy: "No - that one's open 48 hours."
    Posted by JT on 17 Nov 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
They've got a time machine? Radical!
    Posted by Socky on 18 Nov 2009.

Overheard in pub: "I'll have chips and a ham and cheese punany please."
    Posted by JT on 20 Nov 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
I'm sure the order should have been "a ham and cheese panini..." (if you're unfamiliar with the term "punany" read http://www.urbandictionary.com/define...)
    Posted by JT on 20 Nov 2009.
That's loltastic!
    Posted by Socky on 21 Nov 2009.

"How can i change my eye color without contacts (maybe a spell)?"
    Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Have you tried to paint your eyes yet?
    Posted by Socky on 3 Dec 2009.
Not without contacts.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 5 Dec 2009.
For that matter, I vaguely remember a magical ritual a hermit taught me when I was young: get a frog's heart, a lizard's liver, a crescent-shaped horn and a nail. Then close your eyes, count to three, hammer the nail (pointy end first) into your eyelids, and say hello to your new red eye. Then use the heart, the liver and the horn for witchcraft or whatever it is that you like.
    Posted by Moosh on 8 Dec 2009.
Was this hermit blind?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 8 Dec 2009.
Yes, but he had the radar-vision thing so that he wont bump into walls while flying at night.
    Posted by Moosh on 8 Dec 2009.

"Can you get high by using a balloon, sugar and active dry yeast?"
    Posted by JT on 6 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Yes, it's simple! Feed the sugar to the yeast to create alcohol. While flying your hot air balloon, drink the alcohol and pass out, causing you to lose track of your altitude and float as high as you like.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 6 Dec 2009.
Ah, good thinking! I thought maybe the secret was to burn the balloon and inhale the fumes, then ignore the yeast and sugar.
    Posted by JT on 7 Dec 2009.

Sign allegedly seen on family planning/birth control clinic: "USE BACK DOOR."
    Posted by JT on 10 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Wouldn't a "NO ENTRANCE" sign be more efficient.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 11 Dec 2009.
Far less funny, though.
    Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009.

"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
It's an exact science.
    Posted by Destrii on 11 Jan 2010.

Answer given in Nursing exam: "The patient was put under the physiotherapist who came often."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Of all the places to want to go to... Canada? Really?
    Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.
Could it be Canada is the Promised Land? Been a lot of conflict in the Middle East over nothing if so.
    Posted by LucyT on 22 Dec 2009.

"Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Shaving razors?
    Posted by Moosh on 16 Dec 2009.

Answer given in History exam: "The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
http://www.wilsoncenter.org/index.cfm... More similar answers.
    Posted by Destrii on 9 Jan 2010.

"Certainly sir, I can help you reset your password, can you just confirm your account number and password please?" - Uttered by some moron at Sky Customer Services (courtesy of UnderUser)
    Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"How wide is 13mm?"
    Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"pine double bed with fire retarded mattress" - for sale on Ebay.
    Posted by JT on 23 Dec 2009. + (5) - (1) Permalink
I asked the buyer a question about the retardedness of the bed and they answered with 'lol im sure u have better things to do with your time than correct my grama but mabe not'
    Posted by etherelda on 27 Dec 2009.
When have I ever corrected your grandma?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Dec 2009.
I love the idea of WIF users tracking down the sources of quotes and hassling them!
    Posted by JT on 28 Dec 2009.

"I don't think they [firefighters] should get a payrise - it's not as if they do a dangerous job..."
    Posted by JT on 24 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
The person who said this is employed in a small factory where he spends his days glueing little rubber feet onto the bottom of chair legs so they won't scratch floors. He is almost constantly complaining about the low wages he receives.
    Posted by JT on 24 Dec 2009.

"2/10 - essay is too political." (Teacher's written comment on essay returned to student. Essay's subject - George Orwell's Animal Farm)
    Posted by JT on 26 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Customer: "I bought this CD last week. It says on the cover that it comes with a free air guitar, but I wasn't given one..."
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
This really happened in a record shop I used to work in - and probably ever other record shop that stocked that CD too.
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009.

"If today is Monday on Earth what day is it on Saturn?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (5) - (1) Permalink
Saturday?
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"Why were trees invented?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_were_tr...)
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Wow. That could have been the name of this website.
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009.
Yes, right :)
    Posted by Moosh on 30 Dec 2009.
To provide us with shadow, obviously. And oxygen too, maybe.
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"This is a very traditional space..." (Estate agent, rather sniffily, while valuing a full-scale house built entirely of Lego bricks)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"Why is my girlfriend unhappy? Her dad died like a week ago and I thought she'd get over it but she's being a real emo about the whole thing. Last night I told her to stop whining and move on with her life, I mean she's 15 years old, she can handle herself, but she got real angry and I was forced to kick her out of the house..." (Yahoo Answers)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
That girl just can't empathise with a guy that doesn't care one bit about her dead father, can she? What a bitch!
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Client: "He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (4) - (0) Permalink
A very good question, because, people die if they are killed. You know?
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"Oh for f*ck's sake - why won't you be quiet and go to sleep?" - teenage mother to her toddler, while handing it a bottle of Lucozade energy drink .
    (From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucozade)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"How much has the cellphone changed since 1935 and why?"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Q: Why will an iron nail rust?
A: If the nail is left in air it will rust because air is really water.
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Which is why people often swim through the air.
    Posted by Socky on 3 Jan 2010.
This can't be the whole story. If air is really water, then nobody would be worried about the sea level rising.

So, maybe water is really air, too?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 8 Jan 2010.

Q: "Describe changes in the weather which could lead to a decrease in evaporation
from oceans."
A: "If there was drought there wouldn't be any water in the oceans to
evaporate."
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

News headline: "Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

News headline: "Grandmother of eight makes hole in one"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"Should you say 'nine and five is thirteen' or 'nine and five are thirteen'?" (from a children's book)
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Neither. It's nine and five equals thirteen. You need better mathz
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 3 Jan 2010.

Newspaper: "Missippi's literacy program shows improvement"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"Why did William Shakespeare move to England?"
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Because of the lovely weather.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"My shadow make me look shorter than I am so I wear a long coat but now my shadow looks too fat. What will help?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Blindfolds.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"I can see the point of biology because it helps us understand diseases and I can see the point of chemistry because it can give us new medicines and stuff. But what's the point of physics?" (Overheard conversation, resulting in a badly bitten tongue as I restrained myself from shouting "YOU MORON!")
    Posted by JT on 18 Jan 2010. + (6) - (2) Permalink
I should probably point out that the person who said this was not ignorant about what physics is, but believes it to be worthless. That doesn't really come across in the quote.
    Posted by JT on 21 Jan 2010.
Well, he's stupid for thinking humanity can't benefit from physics in some manner. Though I do wonder if those billions of dollars they spent on the Large Hadron Collider wouldn't have been better spent helping the poor or something like that.
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
By building things like the LHC, we increase our knowledge of physics. By achieving a certain level of mastery of physics, we would want for and lack nothing - so the LHC could benefit the poor enormously.
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
Well, yes. But I kinda doubt the LHC will result in any discoveries that will be of any practical use to us somewhere in the near future. I mean, if they need billions of dollars just to build something that makes these protons collide with sufficiently high collision energies, I don't think we're gonna see any economically feasible applications anytime soon.
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
When someone first rubbed two sticks together and created fire it didn't immediately lead to metal smelting - but we've benefited from it all the same. Some things take a long time, but they're still worth doing.
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
I don't deny its usefulness in the long run. I just think with millions of people dying from the consequences of poverty each year, the issue of poverty is a more urgent matter.
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
If we thought that way, we'd just continue spending to alleviate poverty in the short term rather than striving to find long-term, even permanent solutions.
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
So you think humanity is as of yet incapable of raising these people's standards of living to ethically acceptable levels (i.e. not millions of people dying due to lack of clean water, nutrition, health care, clothing, shelter etc.), because we haven't yet figured out how reality exactly works, in hopes of ever being able to actively control it?

If you think we shouldn't be concerned with people lacking basic human needs in the present, as long as we concentrate on (a vague promise of) long-term solutions, do you think highly technological, future civilizations will even be concerned with the poor people that don't benefit from its scientific progress? I'd rather think they'd consider them to be uncivilized savages, and just about the least of their concerns.
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
No, I didn't say that. I said that it would be a mistake to only provide short term relief at the expense of trying to find a cure. I didn't say we should concentrate only on the cure and not bother with the relief. We have a duty to do both IMO, whatever the financial cost.
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
That's exactly what I was trying to say. And I used that reasoning to state that it might have been better to postpone the LHC project in preference of the money being used to help solve the pressing issues that result from poverty.
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
Crikey. That's got the be the largest amount of typing this site's ever seen in a single day. Steady on, you'll wear out the poor server! :)

Maybe there should be a mod option to move stuff to the forums?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Jan 2010.
^ Good idea - not least of all because a whole load of discussion is likely to make the site look like some forum for real discussion, rather than the harmless frippery that it truly is.
    Posted by JT on 31 Jan 2010.
Or maybe something more like a talk page?
    Posted by Socky on 31 Jan 2010.

"Do black people slow down with age when they get old? Or does this only happen to white people?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
And how do Mexicans fit into all this?!
    Posted by Necropaxx on 3 Mar 2010.

"What is the religion of the Orthodox Jew?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Orthodox Jewism?
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.

"i like the name Zoey but i think it wud be cool to do something more, out there
like Ellipse or something (i love the name ellipse)
or Luna! omg im a guiness (i cant even spell it)"
    Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
omg I'm a Jack Daniel's. We're like twins, only not!
    Posted by Necropaxx on 21 Feb 2010.

Street-sweeper, seeing a big lump of meat lying on next to the road: "Look at that - a blind person walking along here wouldn't be able to see that. They could fall over it and be injured. A blind person, or a woman."
    Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Many male users of the Internet will be unfamiliar with feminine anatomy, but rest assured that the majority of women do have eyes.
    Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010.

"Lions, famous for being the biggest carnivores in the Animal Kingdom..." (TV presenter who has obviously never heard of sperm whales, orcas, various species of shark, several types of crocodile, assorted dolphins and tigers)
    Posted by JT on 27 Feb 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
Also, bears.
    Posted by Socky on 3 Mar 2010.
Damn - I always forget about bears. That's likely to prove fatal one of these days.
    Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2010.

"If English isn't your strong point, ask at your local JobCentre for help in constructing a cv/completing application forms. Many people have missed out on job offers that they could of got due to basic errors." (Letter from JobCentre listing programs designed to help unemployed people back into work)
    Posted by JT on 28 Feb 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
I don't get it...
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 28 Feb 2010.
Then you might want to ask for help with your grammar. :-)
    Posted by JT on 28 Feb 2010.
Just don't ask the Jobcentre :)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Mar 2010.
Cheddar - it should have said: "...that they could HAVE got...". "...help IN constructing a cv..." really should have been "...help WITH..." too. Actually, the entire second sentence is incorrect; but since I already have a reputation for being a grammar nazi I'll let it go.
    Posted by JT on 2 Mar 2010.
But if they could have got job offers due to basic errors, but missed out on them... maybe that means they need more basic errors in their writing?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Mar 2010.
Thats' why from now on im gonna right job applicashunes lick this, innit
    Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2010.
lol u hace teh jobz0r!!!1! l0l0l0l
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Mar 2010.
i can has jobz?
    Posted by JT on 4 Mar 2010.
I've actually seen quite a few of those ads here in Egypt. I laughed.
    Posted by Moosh on 4 Mar 2010.

Quizmaster: In which African city is the Number One Ladies' Opera House?
Contestant: Wellington, New Zealand.

(Point Counterpoint music quiz show, BBC Radio 4)
    Posted by JT on 22 Mar 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Bloke: "Sorry, I didn't catch your name..."
Lucy: "It's Lucy."
Bloke: "Very pleased to meet you, Lucy. So - are you Lucy's sister?"
    Posted by JT on 21 May 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
"Yes, I am. You must be Bloke's brother, good to meet you!"
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 21 May 2010.

Police officer, raiding house occupied by five suspected illegal immigrants from India, to suspected illegal immigrant and speaking very slowly and using exaggerated mannerisms in case they can't speak English: "Do... you... have... a... passport...?"
Immigrant: "Yes."
Officer: "What... about... these... guys...?"
Immigrant: "I don't know about these guys, sorry."
Officer: "Can... you... ask... them...?"
Immigrant: "Do you guys have passports?"
Other immigrants: "Yes we do."
Officer: "I... will... need... to... see... your... passports... where... are... they...?"
    Posted by JT on 25 Jun 2010. + (5) - (1) Permalink
So this copper sees a van doing 60mph in a 50 limit, so he pulls it over, and says to the Indian guy behind the wheel, "Sorry mate, the limit's 50 here." The Indian guy leans over the back and says "I'm afraid 5 of you are going to have to get out" :)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 26 Jun 2010.

"OK got a science question for ya. My little boy and I was looking at the stars and saw a falling star. I know you already think Im nuts!! So anyways my question is Why are the falling stars never the ones in the constellations? Maybe I wasnt paying attention in class!!!"
    Posted by JT on 11 Jul 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"What do hot air balloons run on?"

"Hot air."
    Posted by JT on 15 Jul 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

"I would like to see the council use some anti-social paint on top of the walls round here." (From Cambridge News)
    Posted by JT on 21 Jul 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
I've seen that anti-social paint. There's a little gang of it that hangs around in the park, always drinking cheap cider and yelling insults at passers-by. Bring back the birch, that's what I say!
    Posted by JT on 21 Jul 2010.

"SOLAR - Full Moon Party. Every Thursday." - sign advertising a party in Cambridge.
    Posted by JT on 31 Jul 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink
I liked the flyer for a gig which was billed as being on the "5th Thursday Every Month".
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Aug 2010.

"Is all information on the world wide web checked by an editor for truth?" (Wikianswers)
    Posted by JT on 14 Oct 2010. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Recently, I had to appear in court (and was found not guilty, which was good because I was indeed not guilty of the offence with which I was charged). We heard the tail end of the case heard before mine, which was that of a man who had been caught driving with a fake driving licence. He wasn't in court, but his barrister read out his defence: "He had not been aware that the licence was fake when he bought it."
    Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2011. + (4) - (0) Permalink

Girl in shop, looking at colour choices on sheets: "Wossa teal?"
Girl's Mother: "A kind of bird."
Girl: "Uhhh. Wossa bird?"
Incredulous Mother: "A fing wiv wings wot flies..."

(I swear this really happened).
    Posted by JT on 15 Aug 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

Stonehenge? That was built by the Victorians, wasn't it?
    Posted by JT on 18 Aug 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"Does it rain in Brazil?" (Source's colleague replied, "Two words. Rain. Forest.")
    Posted by JT on 23 Aug 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"There's a lump in my scrotum?"
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Bollocks.
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.
What's with the question mark. If you really want to know, go check.
    Posted by Tiger on 4 Nov 2009.
It must be an example of American Rising Intonation?
    Posted by JT on 5 Nov 2009.
There's a lump in my scrotum, dear doctor, dear doctor,
There's a lump in my scrotum, dear doctor, a lump!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 5 Nov 2009.
its a web camera that feeds mamooshahasscrotum.org
    Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.
lol@injoke :-)
    Posted by JT on 9 Nov 2009.
JT, are you Uncyc's RabbiTechno? If so, Hi!
    Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.
Indeed, 'tis I. Welcome to WIF - now go and tell loads of other people to have a look too!
    Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009.
Yes, that's what I said! Listen to me properly from now on!!
    Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"What is 58.25?" (note: no further context...)
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Half of 116.5, which is half of 233, which is half of 466, which is half of 932, which is half of 1864, which was the year the first submarine sinks an enemy vessel. Coincidence?
    Posted by Socky on 30 Nov 2009.

"When working in an office at an American summer camp, I was asked by one of the camp counsellors to send a fax for him. As I dialled the number and put the fax in the machine, he watched, furrowed his brow, thought for a minute and then said: "Oh, I get it - it reads it, it doesn't send the bit of paper down the line?!"
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Contributed by Kirstym
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"How do the phases of the moon influence tides?"
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"What time of night does the Loch Ness monster surface and who feeds it?" (Tourist to tour guide)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
1 AM usually. We locals give it some fish and some other junk to appease the creature.

It's late tonight. It must've eaten another tourist.
    Posted by Socky on 13 Jan 2010.

"Was this man-made?" (Tourist at the Grand Canyon National Park)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Why, yes! A long lost civilization constructed this huge canyon for no apparent reason. Archeologists are still trying to figure out the canyon's purpose.
    Posted by Socky on 3 Jan 2010.

""The disappointment telling the children that the reindeer could not fly was incredible…you must state this clearly in your brochure in future." (UK tourist in Lapland)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
... because (cough, whisper) I didn't know, myself, till we got there"
    Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all." (Tourist complaint)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Do you think we might need a "Travel" category too...?
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"ok im kinda worryed here since my g/f got pregnant and all she isnt been havein her period do u think the baby is drinkin the blood??? she 6 month pregnant" (Yahoo answers)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
superb reasoning! he deserves a prize - the baby's a vampire!
    Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" (Pop star Christina Aguilera)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Golfer, giving award acceptance speech)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

TV illusionist Derren Brown correctly 'predicted' the National Lottery results last week (his prediction was only shown after the numbers were announced, funnily enough).

Though a surprisingly small number of people seem to believe he did it with actual magic, the Great British Public have been busily revealing their stupidity ever since as they try to work out how he pulled off the trick. Best explanation I've heard so far is: "They obviously filmed him doing all the possible combinations beforehand, then showed the right one."
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
This programme was repeated last night - hopefully it'll inspire a new mass outbreak of stupid.
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010.

Passenger to flight attendant: "So what kind of animal is a UHT?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

US interviewer: "In the War on Terror, who do you think should be the next we invade?"
US interviewee #1: "Uhhh...I'm thinking Italy."
US interviewee #2: "Canada."
US interviewee #3: "Probably France."
US interviewer: "France? Why do you say France?"
US interviewee #3: "There just seems to be some friction between France and the United States."
    Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

US interviewer: "Which countries are in the Axis of Evil?"
US interviewee #1: "Uhh, I know Germany is one of them. I don't know any of the others."
US interviewee #2: "OK. California?"
US interviewee #3: "New York."
US interviewee #4: "Jerusalem."
US interviewer: "There's more than one..."
US interviewee #4: "I think all of them."
    Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

Interviewer: "What is al Qaeda?"
Interviewee: "Al Qaeda is a group, a suicide group in Israel in the the Middle East. They do suicide bombs and stuff. And the president of it is Yasser Arafat - everybody knows that."
    Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Well, Jews have been blamed for a lot of things over the years. But at least accusing Israel of being Islamic fundamentalists led by a dead Palestinian is unique.
    Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.
This is that idiot from the CNNNN report. It's the best part of the whole report. How the hell did he get his facts right so badly and then falsely justify them.
    Posted by Tiger on 5 Nov 2009.
Well, I.. I.. I'm speechless.
    Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.

"Can your baby get pregnant if you have sex while pregnant? Like if you are pregnant with a baby girl, and you have sex while you are pregnant, can the sperm go up in there and impregnate the baby?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Yes, definitely.
    Posted by Socky on 2 Oct 2009.
aww, sweet :-)
    Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"How is anyone still alive in Europe with all the atheists there?"

    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Zombie: "BRAAAAAAAINS!" Atheist: "GOOOOOOOODS!"
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 20 Oct 2009.

<wecell> new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time.
<DigDug> wecell : What are you using right now?
<wecell> i've always used windows machines.
    Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"They've been treating these chimps as less than human..." (US senator speaking on animal rights)
    Posted by JT on 4 Oct 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
...while they should have obviously been treated as the superior creatures they are.
    Posted by Socky on 4 Oct 2009.
Chimps? Superior? You're thinking of orang-utans!
    Posted by JT on 5 Oct 2009.

"What Day I Will Combine My Hamster To Her Father?" (Blurtit.com)
    Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
International Mesocricetine(?) Incest Day is on 12th August, I believe.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Oct 2009.
A date both noted in my diary and eagerly anticipated every year.
    Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009.

"Why do people have buggers in their nose?" (sic)
    Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Where else would you keep them?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 25 Oct 2009.
In the Parker's Piece public toilets?
    Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009.
Because boogers do not belong to people's noses, they belong to public parks.
    Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.

"question mystery about snakes hum??? I don't mean to sound creepy or inappropriate but its something that I been bathold about for awhile now. Ok snakes have baby's right so they get pregnant right well how in the world does a snake do that when there is no way to bump and grind. how do they get pregnant or take a dump do they even have a a** hole? Do they have one or not or does this all happen and come out of there mouth because it eats right so it must have waste? and how about getting pregnant and also taking a dump? 2 Things weird huh. have you ever thought about this I did when i was watching animal planet one time."
    Posted by JT on 7 Nov 2009. + (4) - (1) Permalink
Animal Planet failed somewhat in its mission to educate, it seems.
    Posted by JT on 7 Nov 2009.
How is babby formed
How snake get pragnent
    Posted by It's you on 13 Nov 2009.
WHAT? Seriously, this guy makes NO SENSE.
    Posted by Socky on 14 Nov 2009.
Drunkards..
    Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
Snakes kind of brake open and the cock comes out an then it is in the girl and for some reason it looks like rape because
she tries to get away and he won't let go until he is finished.I saw it on a children's show on a children's channel in England I swear.It's true.And they don't take a crap because they don't get fat and they absorb everything.
    Posted by Ericlordloss on 10 Jan 2010.

"Someone's e-mailed in...it's from Helvetica Bold. What a great name..." (Radio 1 DJ)
    Posted by JT on 19 Nov 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
My cousin is named Helvetica Italic. Maybe they know each other!
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 22 Nov 2009.

I am a teacher.two students in my class were diagnosed wid swne flu. do i need to get tested. i have no sympto? (sic)
    Posted by JT on 21 Nov 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
I hope you're not an English teacher.
    Posted by JT on 21 Nov 2009.

"A pet wild bear bites more than just the hand that feeds it at 8..." (TV announcer. Is the bear a pet or is it wild?)
    Posted by JT on 5 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"How do i ask my mom to wear a thong?
I wanna ask my mom for a thong and i honestly dont know if shell be cool about it or not i cant go buy one cuz she constantly snoops in my drawers...i cant do my own laundry cuz she will find out eventually...she works at the underwear store jockey so i could ask her for one while shes working..bt wht do i say..i dont wanna be sexy i just dont want panty lines."
    Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
I seriously suggest rephrasing the first sentence in this...
    Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009.

Exam question: "What are Vivaldi's Four Seasons?"
Answer: "Salt, pepper, vinegar, curry powder."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

Answer in History exam: "The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
I wish I could vote twice.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.

"Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100ft clipper."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Wouldn't you revolt?
    Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.
Sounds pretty revolting to me.

(Well, someone had to make that pun.)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 18 Dec 2009.

"How do I report a website for stealing?"
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (4) - (1) Permalink
"Did you get a good look at the website, madam? We'll create a photofit and send it out to our patrol cars..."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009.

"Is my babby too young to sit on Satan's lap? Hes 5 but still in dipers. I dont want to waste the Poloroid if he aint going to sit still. May be I should take him AFTER we go to KFC?"
    Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009. + (5) - (2) Permalink
No idea if the typo is genuine or not. However, I've left the question unedited and the rest of the spelling suggests it just might be.
    Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009.

"Why did my goldfish die? We used water conditioner and products to put in the water to kill white spot fungus, and also to turn bad bacteria good."
    Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
What does it do? Put the "bad" bacteria in detention and give them a stiffly-worded lecture on how they need to change their ways?
    Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009.

"Are there famous people that are buried there in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier?"
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"What was Shakespeare's email address?" (answered with "I don't know........shakespeare@yahoo.com?")
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_was_sh...)
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"If America is a free country why do people try to sell you stuff?"
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"Why can't people live on earth?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_can%27t...)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Because it's full of toxic oxygen.
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"What is the best cleaning product for getting semen out of my cat's fur?" (Yahoo Answers)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (4) - (1) Permalink
Lick it off, sucker.
    Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.
I would have thought sandblasting would be quite effective, but if this doesn't shift it, try hydrofluoric acid.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
Or hydrochloric acid.
    Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.

"I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?"
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Ask a witch.
    Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.

"Help - my girlfriend is a pregant virgin! ...me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for some time...we took chastity vows. One day, she says "I'm pregnant" and I looked at her belly and realized SHE IS!!! She says she's still a virgin - what could be going on? Seriously help?!!?!??!"
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (4) - (1) Permalink
Congratulations! Your girlfriend is carrying the new Messiah!
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.
The second coming is nigh.
    Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.
Maybe she sat on a warm toilet seat?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.

"My friend told me that a few years ago a man was bit by a spider and strange things started happening to him. Is Spiderman based on this? If so, does anyone know exactly when this happened?"
    (From http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1...)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
I think you were the one bitten by a spider.
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"My foreskin is still attached to my penis. will it remove on its own? when? i am 21"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (3) - (0) Permalink
I'm impressed he actually knows what "foreskin" refers to. At least, I hope he does.
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
Yes. One day it'll just pop off and go seek a fortune for itself in the big wide world.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"can i still go horse riding if i have braces ????? I have only been riding for a couple of months and i luv it loadz, bt im getting braces in a couple of days. i was just wondering if they will affect my riding"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
As long as the horse isn't magnetic.
    Posted by Ghost on 3 Jan 2010.
I'm a cowboy / on a steel horse I ride / I'm wanted (wanted) / dead.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"Can my gameboy get the Swine Flu Virus? My game-boy keeps freezing, and my friend said that electronic devices can get the Swine Flu. What should I do?"
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Find smarter friends?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
Reminds me of all the people who went to the doctor's in 1999/2000, worried they'd caught the millennium bug.
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.

"How old is eminim the raper??" (sic)
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
That's a simple typo and we all make them, be we stupid or otherwise. But what a classic!
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.
Reminds me of this famous one: "Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men." I think it came from one of the many lists of supposedly-genuine exam answers.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
Alomg similar lines, I saw a t-shirt online once depicting a curiously Manga-influenced Afro-Caribbean man, with the slogan "RAPING."
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.

News headline: "Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink

News: "Student excited dad got head job" (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bTfLDYOdsRU...+excited+dad+got+head+job.jpg)
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"What is a reformed rabbi?"
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
A vicar?
    Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.
The opposite of reformed ham?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Jan 2010.

"Can anyone tell me what the ship is called in The Mutiny on the Bounty?"
    Posted by JT on 9 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink

Job advert found online: "English tutors/teachers. You made be a retired teacher looking for some extra work, You may have a permanent job and looking to earn a extra income or a teacher looking for some extra work during the holidays. You will be required to teach: Small groups of children no more than 5 English for sessions of 80Minute's."

It's not the kids that need teaching!
    Posted by JT on 13 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
as u can c there is lot's of work 4 englsh teachrz 2 do in the mdrn wrld.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 13 Jan 2010.

"Which scientist having 12% capacity of brain?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 18 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
All of 'em.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 19 Jan 2010.

"Where does Fraisier Crane practice now...?
Hi I'm having some very personal issues with my family and friends and I loose it in the street and scream at the shopkeep, kick my cats etc...I saw his television programme he seemed very intelligent and cultured. Does anyone know where he works now etc?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 29 Jan 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
For the uninitiated: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frasier
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.

"Why [does] a person fall toward the earth when he falls from height? An apple is so near to the surface where the g (accelration due to gravity) is highest but it also fall after a very lagre time but when a person falls from a height their the g is also less and his inertia is also more as compared to a apple." (sic)
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. + (4) - (1) Permalink
It's because the Earth's mass is about 5973.6 yottagrammes. I think you're making the mistake of equating a sphere with a point particle, resulting in misguided and irrelevant comparisons.
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.

"Why are there chickens on the moon?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_the...)
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. + (4) - (1) Permalink
I've been asking that same question for a long time.
    Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
It's the Martian goats that puzzle me most.
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
That would've been funnier if you didn't post the link. The question is in the category for the game "Harvest Moon," which does in fact have chickens.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 31 Jan 2010.
Ah, I see - I've never heard of Harvest Moon and so had no idea (this is not the first time my unfamiliarity with popular culture has caused me to post something that turns out not be quite a stupid as it at first seemed).
    Posted by JT on 1 Feb 2010.
Oh, don't worry, it's plenty stupid.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Feb 2010.

"With his bald head, rat-like teeth and bat's ears, Count Orlock looks like a penis with teeth." - Presumably oddly-penised "expert" talking about movie vampires.
    Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010. + (4) - (1) Permalink
Bald head? Check.
Bat's ears? Errrr...
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Feb 2010.
I notice you don't query the rat-like teeth...
    Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010.
Never having seen a penis with teeth, I have no idea whether it's normal for such teeth to be rat-like.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Feb 2010.
Now I've seen a ferret's penis, any penis would have to be unimaginably exotic to seem odd to me.
    Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010.

"To pass a drug test is it possible! To drink a table spoon of bleach added to a glass of water?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
You'd escape prosecution if the test later proved positive - but only because no court would bother trying a corpse.
    Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010.

"You're a f*cking Jew - and so is your mother!" (Somewhat dim antisemite)
    Posted by JT on 21 Feb 2010. + (4) - (1) Permalink
My mother's a buddhist.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Feb 2010.

"What are some good things to do with my vagina?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Feb 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink

Does a 1kg gold bar way [sic] less than, the same as or more than a 1kg platinum bar?"
    Posted by JT on 14 Mar 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Despite their wealth, it appears the very rich are just as stupid as poor people and still fall for the old ton of feathers/ton of lead conundrum.
    Posted by JT on 14 Mar 2010.

"Who'd pay five quid for that? It's broken!" - Entirely serious member of the public looking at a 30cm tall reproduction of the Venus de Milo that I was selling on a market stall.
    (From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_de...)
    Posted by JT on 18 Mar 2010. + (5) - (2) Permalink
Now that you mention it - Why is she missing her arms? Did some psychopathic maniac cut them off?
    Posted by Socky on 18 Mar 2010.
She was a compulsive nail-biter.
    Posted by JT on 19 Mar 2010.

Do ferrets give birth?
    Posted by JT on 5 Apr 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Nope. They lay eggs.
    Posted by Socky on 5 Apr 2010.
I'm considering a Nature category. We've got a lot of animal related quotes scattered all over the place at the moment. Maybe they should be given a good home.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 7 Apr 2010.
Actually, I was going to suggest that. I've been putting most of them in Science, but they do need their own, I think.
    Posted by JT on 8 Apr 2010.

"My computer is very very slow today, do you think it is clogged with volcanic ash?"

    (From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
    Posted by JT on 17 Apr 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Note for foreigners: hard-of-thinking people in the UK are currently blaming ash from an Icelandic volcano for all sorts of things.
    Posted by JT on 17 Apr 2010.

"I'm 5 months pregant. I had viewed porn sites. Will it affect my baby in any way?" (from Yahoo Answers)
    Posted by JT on 19 Apr 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Only if you name her Jenna Jameson.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 19 Apr 2010.

"Does Hydrogen cause things to be metal? if i place hydrogen in front of sulfate it makes it hydrogen sulfate which is a metal so does placing hydrogen infront of other elements make them metal?"
    Posted by JT on 22 Apr 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
I assume this is a question from someone's GCSE Alchemy homework.
    Posted by JT on 22 Apr 2010.
Alchemy: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." :)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Apr 2010.

"How can it be a French dictionary if it says 'Oxford' on the front cover?"
    Posted by JT on 22 May 2010. + (4) - (1) Permalink

"I don't believe Nature could produce that level of detail..." (So-called "expert" attempting to argue that so-called "photographic evidence" of a so-called "ghost" must prove conclusively that ghosts "exist" because Nature is apparently incapable of producing anything so detailed as a human face).
    Posted by JT on 1 Jun 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
He's a creationist!
    Posted by Socky on 1 Jun 2010.
Well, obviously. Only God can create a human face. If you believe Nature could have done it, you must be one of those evil pagans.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 1 Jun 2010.

"You're Breakfast." (Sign on snack van parked alongside the A23 just outside Brighton)
    Posted by JT on 18 Jun 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"...in a worrying report which suggests that children with internet access are more likely to be targeted by cyberbullies..." (heard on the radio)
    Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"American companies are crossbreeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully-functioning human brains." (Christine O'Donnell, Republican Party Senate nominee)
    Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Whereas she is a human with a fully functioning mouse brain.
    Posted by Subtle Increase in Gravitas on 5 Apr 2011.

"Can I get AIDS from swimming with black people?" (Enter "Can I get AIDS from" into Google and see for yourself)
    Posted by JT on 2 Dec 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Well, possibly. Are you swimming in Africa?
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 5 Dec 2010.

"If people like you had their way we would never have invented planes (its impossible to fly...duh) And while your at it learn to spell."

    (From http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/...)
    Posted by JT on 7 Dec 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink
IIIIIIIIIRONY
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 7 Dec 2010.

"The [Leica] M9 Titanium's reworked body is made of solid titanium, as is the 35mm lens." (Autocar magazine, 10/11/10)
    Posted by JT on 27 Dec 2010. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"How long is it until you can be fairly confident that your tropical fish won't die?"
    Posted by JT on 14 Feb 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink
Well, I heard that if it's still alive after a year then it has achieved immortality. and will NEVER die.
    Posted by JT on 14 Feb 2011.
Reminds me of a poster common in British maternity hospitals in the early 80s which said "THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF LIFE ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS." Most examples had the words "THE LAST FIVE CAN BE FAIRLY DICEY, TOO" added to them within minutes.
    Posted by JT on 14 Feb 2011.

"We've been together for two weeks now - it's FaceBook official." (Teenager talking about her latest boyfriend)
    Posted by JT on 6 Mar 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink
This isn't actually stupid - merely a sign of the world that today's teenagers live in. However, I still think it deserves a place here simply because it made me seriously question whether or not somebody rapidly approaching middle age (me) really wants to live in that world.
    Posted by JT on 6 Mar 2011.

"I don't care what you or the calculator say - my maths is a lot better than yours, young man, and £1.29, 50p, £1.99, £2.49 and £3.09 do not make £9.36."
    Posted by JT on 15 Mar 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink
It's been a long and tiring day. I've said it before and I'll say it again - retail would be a perfectly good job if only it wasn't for having to sell stuff to people.
    Posted by JT on 15 Mar 2011.
Do you get to bar people from the shop for being too stupid?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 16 Mar 2011.
That's precisely why I need to have my own shop.
    Posted by JT on 16 Mar 2011.

"If you want to enjoy a successful acting career, the first rule you must remember is never pretend to be someone you're not."
    Posted by JT on 20 Mar 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"If telepathy doesn't exist how do we hear ourselves think?"
    Posted by JT on 26 Apr 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"Your dad's called Richard too...? Was he named after you...?"
    Posted by JT on 24 Aug 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"This film is racist against the EDL..."
    Posted by JT on 5 Sep 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink

INDIAN STYLE Chinese vegetable fried rice
    Posted by JT on 28 Oct 2011. + (3) - (0) Permalink

"Real-life Titanic" (News headline following the capsizing of the Concordia)
    Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2012. + (3) - (0) Permalink

The Pope's, like, Prince Charles' helper, isn't he?
    Posted by JT on 18 Aug 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
    Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"What is the value of an 1881 bible written by george v jones worth?" (answer: "If it proves that The Bible was written by George V. Jones in 1881, it's absolutely priceless. Especially if you offer it to the Vatican first, so they can burn it and make sure the news never gets out." From WikiAnswers)
    Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Who invented haunted houses?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Question/Who_...)
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Einstein?
    Posted by Socky on 19 Nov 2009.

"Why are the ghosts in Pacman evil?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_the...)
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
I'm so gonna get a banhammer from that site for going around answering all the stupid questions with stupid answers...
    Posted by DaveK on 17 Sep 2009.
I've been trying to do the same - but, remarkably, I keep getting awarded trust points!
    Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009.

"What is 13 and 7 tenths expressed as a decimal?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

Do tigers reproduce sexually or asexually?
    Posted by JT on 30 Aug 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"How can a 13 year old improve her chances of getting pregnant?"
    Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
By walking into the house of a pedophile.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"What would be the disadvantage of a backbone made of one bone?"
    Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Please this isnt a joke the devil is haunting my dreams i awoke with a scratch on my arm from the dream whoever tells me how to stop him you are a saint?"
    Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. + (3) - (1) Permalink

"Is an egg an element?"
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Nobody cares.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Were humans around before mammals?"
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
There are none better!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 13 Sep 2009.
What about telepathy?
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
A classic, but still a good one.

"Politics" category? Or is it too similar to "People"?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 13 Sep 2009.
Was thinking the same - it'll be a handy place to shovel all the billions of Bushisms we're going to get before long, too.
    Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.

Yank No1: "Hey look, that's Anne Frank House!"

Yank No2: "Wow. Err, who's Anne Frank?"

Yanks No1: "Duh! Don't you know that? It was Hitler's wife!"

(Contributed by Old Rocker)
    Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
The text formatting looks a bit better now I think...
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 14 Sep 2009.

Question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire TV show: "Which is largest? A: a peanut, B: an elephant, C:the moon, D: a kettle." Contestant: "B: an elephant." (Contributed by happyted)
    Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"What are Jews afraid of?"
    Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_je...
    Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009.
Clickable links! Wahey.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 14 Sep 2009.

"Can you get on a high from soy milk?"
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (1) Permalink
That could explain why it is that so many vegans talk utter nonsense, I suppose.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Who is responsible for war?"
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Note: Mrs. Agnes Hillingdon, aged 84 of Welwyn Garden City in Hertfordshire, has been shown to be responsible for all wars between the Peloponnesian War (431-404 BC) to the present.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
the illuminati!
    Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.
my dad
    Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.

Family Fortunes: "Name a word beginning with Q?"
Contestant: "Cute."

Family Fortunes: "A month in Spring?"
Contestant: "Summer."

Family Fortunes: "Something you often misplace in your car?"
Contestant: "Steering wheel."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

Q:How many wheels does a unicycle have?
A: Two.

Q: Which letter of the alphabet sounds exactly the same as the term for a female sheep?
A: Baa.

Q: In nature, most unripe fruit is which colour, purple or green?
A: Plum.

Q: The term 'Rubenesque' derives from which 17th Century artist?
A: Aretha Franklin.
(From The Weakest Link game show, BBC)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

On a bus about a year ago, I had two girls of about 17 years behind me. One was saying to the other that her mum was teaching her to cook. The other one said, "Wow, wish I could cook. What's she teaching you?" The first replied, "we're doing McCains oven chips tonight."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
contributor - Free Will.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"How many horses does it take to pull the moon?"
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Don't just sit there, go and find out!
    Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.
According to Feynman, it's actually pushed by angels. He may have been speaking figuratively...
    Posted by JT on 29 Nov 2009.

"Did they eat in World War 2?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Did_thay_ea...)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Well, those that didn't typically died of starvation.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?" (Tourist to tour guide)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?" (Tourist at the Mesa Verde National Park)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Sorry. No.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Why on Earth did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path to Heathrow?" (Tourist - almost certainly American - to tour guide)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"If this had been built in America they would have put an elevator in." (US tourist visiting Epheseus, an ancient amphitheatre in Turkey)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake." (Tourist complaint to travel agency)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Hmm. A "Complaints" category, perhaps?
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
But called what? People will assume "Complaints" is what they need to click if they want to complain about WIF...
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
I think it fits in "Travel" with the other recent submissions.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
Fair enough - but I think there might be a place for it in the future, because shop staff and sales assistants have to meet the public face-to-face far more than anyone would choose so we may get several submissions of that type in future.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home." (Tourist complaint)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Yeah, that has to do with the Earth rotation.
    Posted by Socky on 17 Jan 2010.

"I generally don't like England that much." (Prince Harry, third in line to the English throne)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (3) - (1) Permalink
I think naming names is acceptable in this case, don't you? ;-)
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
Well, I'm sure it's in the public domain already.

That said, is there any particular reason why he shouldn't dislike England? And if he does dislike England (which he has a perfect right to do), why shouldn't he be honest about it? Another [-] from me I'm afraid.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
As a possible (probable?) future king, he's expected to act as ambassador for the country and to sing its praises.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
Maybe by some people, but I'm not much of a royalist personally, and I don't think they should be obliged to have particular opinions purely because of who they are.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
Me neither - but it's what they're expected to do in return for the money they get from the civil list. To me, it's much like a baker refusing to bake bread.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
Nah, we pay to maintain them because they're a quaint national treasure, much like a cathedral, or a nature reserve. Or a kind of living museum. :)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
er...by which I mean, a stupid thing to say.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
I still reckon they'd pay their way a lot better if we beheaded one of them annually in Trafalgar Square and charged the Yanks and Japanese £100,000 each to watch.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
Heck, I'd watch that. I should make it clear that no-one in England likes the royals much - it's only the foreigners who don't have to pay for them who enjoy the soap opera that they provide.
    Posted by Destrii on 9 Jan 2010.

"As humans we speak one language..."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
The language of the vibrations of the cosmic harmonies of luuuurve, man?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
Like, dude...that's totally deep and stuff.
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"At the finish, it was all over."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Was it? Was it REALLY?
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Jan 2010.

BBC newsreader: "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
    Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Oh my god, seriously? To hell with live playback.
    Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future."
    Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"How many planets are there in the world?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_pl...)
    Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Can you suck milk from hamsters nipples?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Yes. Yes you can.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.
Only if they're pubescent!
    Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
Bloody Hell, I've swallowed the whole hamster.
    Posted by Moosh on 13 Nov 2009.

Tourist: "Who's that on top of Nelson's Column?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Does the ship generate its own power?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
If it's a creationist ship, maybe.
    Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"We'll be eight degrees hotter in 10 – not 10, but in 30 or 40 years. And basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died, and the rest of us will be cannibals."
    Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Now I'm really confused...
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

Tourist in London: "When do the clowns come on at Piccadilly Circus?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Is the earth at a different angle in the morning than it is at night? In the morning I have to put something against the front door to hold it open. At night, it stays open by itself."
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
While the Earth's angular momentum does change over time, this would hardly have any effect on your door. No my friend, your door bears a dreadful curse. You might want to call the Ghostbusters.
    Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.
Or a carpenter.
    Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.

Lawyer to client: "The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"If it's high tide on this side of the island, does that mean it's low tide on the other side, and where does all the water go?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. + (3) - (1) Permalink
The water is magically teleported to a dimension where gnomes rule the world.
    Posted by Socky on 18 Nov 2009.

"Why would a fox need grass?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_would_a...)
    Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
For chillin', man!
    Posted by fred on 21 Sep 2009.

Q: "Which Iraqi is most responsible for the country's upheaval?"
A: "Yusuf Islam."
    Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Note: Yusuf Islam is better-known as Cat Stevens.
    Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.

"What happens when a werewolf gets a fairy pregnant?"
    Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
It gives birth to a fairwolf. Or maybe a wary?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Oct 2009.
I am very wary of fairwolves.
    Posted by Socky on 6 Oct 2009.
*cough* chuck norris *cough*
    Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.

"Irish houses - what are they used for?" (from Wikianswers)
    Posted by JT on 21 Oct 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Note: someone answered with "Storage. We sleep in tents in the garden."
    Posted by JT on 21 Oct 2009.

Sign in opticians: "Eyes examined while you wait."
    Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009. + (3) - (1) Permalink
Damn. Can't I come back later when you've done it?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Oct 2009.

"...and in Albany today they had twelve inches of snow. That's about a foot." (US weather forecaster)
    Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"I wished to be a mermaid? I used a website to make a wish-to be a mermaid. If my wish comes true, how can I keep it a secret because I have to touch water every week in cooking class. Can anyone give me any answers/advice?"
    Posted by JT on 29 Oct 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
But why would you want to keep it a secret? Don't you want to seduce all the boys with that sexy tail of yours?
    Posted by Socky on 27 Nov 2009.
Get into Second Life, I know lots of mermaids there.
    Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"Green is usually considered a different colour to blue..."
    Posted by JT on 31 Oct 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
there are exeptions, you know..
    Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.

"What are the causes of severely bitten nails?"
    Posted by JT on 9 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
They're usually caused by a severe mermaid vampire infestation.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 9 Dec 2009.

English exam question: "Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning."
Answer: "Hands that judicious can be as soft as your face..."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

Genuine answer given in exam: "Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Before giving a blood transfusion find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

Answer given in Human Biology exam: "To prevent contraception, wear a condominium."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

Answer given in Biology exam: "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

Answer given in Science exam: "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"In a Year 8 History class, we had been told about some famous guy (I can't remember who) who had been killed after having been whacked over the head, breaking his skull open. We then read that "the martyr lay on the floor".

We then had a test. It asked us what a "martyr" was. I wrote that it was "the stuff that comes out of your head when it is broken open".
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

History exam Q:"Name a contemporary of Shakespeare."
Genuine answer: "Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote."
    Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Are tigers dangerous?"
    Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Why don't you ask Roy from Segfried & Roy?
    Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"My wife wants to eat her placenta. Is it ok if she is vegan?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Sure. Veganism doesn't forbid self-cannibalism.
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"Does anyone know if it's possible to use a background that would essentially turn my computer monitor into a mirror? Scanning a mirror doesn't work."
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (3) - (1) Permalink
Use magic!
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
Just turn it off. Idiot.
    Posted by Moosh on 31 Dec 2009.
I wonder if this came from the same idiot who came up with this one: http://www.whoinventedfoxes.com/submi...
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
^ I did too :-)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.

"Wat's so bad about 9/11? all day at school today we had to go to assemblies and marches and a bunch of stupid ****. what is so bad about this particular day? yeah the twin towers fell. that was like 20 years ago. you dont see us celebrating 2pac's death every year after he died. my point is, why do we still care?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. + (2) - (0) Permalink
I feel really sorry for this guy. I really do.
    Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"This old man on the street told me today that when two people have sex it is possible for them to produce a dog if the mother eats dog food during the growth of the zygote. apparently the dog food contains DNA that can fuse with the DNA of the zygote, mutating it, causing it to grow and function as a dog...not sure how to determine the breed though. I am with the old man and think this is highly possible. what do you think?"
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (4) - (2) Permalink

"Is she pregnant? My gf and i made love on the webcam while chatting. She's in a different state. We both had orgasm. (Audience Discretion Please) A little bit anxious about the pregnancy though. We're not that ready. Please serious answers."
    (From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
I wouldn't worry unduly - webcams have been proved to be a very effective form of contraception.
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.

"Why do oranges always roll away from me?"
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. + (4) - (2) Permalink
With a face like that, who wouldn't?
    Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"Where will the next successful attack on the US take place?"
    Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. + (3) - (1) Permalink
America?
    Posted by Balo on 24 Jan 2010.
Wow. With sources as good as yours, you ought to work for the CIA.
    Posted by JT on 24 Jan 2010.

"Don't you want children?"
"Perhaps, one day."
"Don't you think you're leaving it a bit late at 24?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Jan 2010. + (3) - (1) Permalink

"Was Alfred Lord Tennyson a vampyre?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Was_Alfred_...)
    Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Why do people hate Scorpios so much? If you think about it we are all human."
    Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
If you think about it, astrology is bollocks.
    Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010.

"What type of hamster is my Syrian hamster?"
    Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010. + (3) - (1) Permalink
Well it's certainly not Syrian, I can tell you that.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 21 Feb 2010.
Could be a Lebanese one - these foreign rodents all look the same to me. Come over 'ere eatin' our sunflower seeds - send 'em back to the petshop they came from, that's what I say.
    Posted by JT on 21 Feb 2010.

"Is there a way that we can throw out the whole government and replace it?" (Posted on a Q&A site based in the UK, where there'll be a General Election in a few months' time)
    Posted by JT on 7 Mar 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Coup d'état anyone?
    Posted by Socky on 7 Mar 2010.
...yes.
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 9 Mar 2010.
I'll have two if you're offering.
    Posted by JT on 9 Mar 2010.

When I was a kid, I had two cats - a brown one called Fred and another called Snowy who was, unsurprisingly, pure white.

One day, a friend from school visited my house and saw the two cats asleep side by side on the sofa.

"Which one's Snowy?" he asked.
    Posted by JT on 15 Mar 2010. + (3) - (1) Permalink
The invisible one. Obviously.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 16 Mar 2010.

Paris Hilton on ferrets: "...they're not the most intelligent animals..."
    Posted by JT on 15 Apr 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
This shouldn't be funny as it's just a personal opinion (a wrong one, IMO, but all the same. But, coming from her...
    Posted by JT on 15 Apr 2010.
Do you think they are the most intelligent animals?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Apr 2010.
Well, humans are supposedly the most intelligent animals. However, the vast majority of humans I meet are less intelligent than the majority of ferrets I meet. Therefore...
    Posted by JT on 16 Apr 2010.

"These submarines shouldn't run aground. Something must have gone wrong." (British military expert commenting on HMS Astute, a nuclear submarine which ran aground)
    Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
This reminds me of our first ever submission: http://www.whoinventedfoxes.com/submi...

Haven't seen much of Fred for a while, I wonder what happened to him :)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Nov 2010.
I heard a rumour (online, so it must be true) that he sold this website and us as a job lot to ICHC. He got nearly two quid for it, apparently.
    Posted by JT on 2 Nov 2010.
Hmm, now where did I put that share option certificate...
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Nov 2010.

"Is it okay if I draw a picture of Jesus as a manly man instead of an effeminate long haired quiche eater?"
    Posted by JT on 11 Nov 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Not stupid at all - but I thought it'd get a few laughs on here all the same!
    Posted by JT on 11 Nov 2010.

"Is Quebec in the city of Ireland?"
    Posted by JT on 18 Nov 2010. + (3) - (1) Permalink

Quiz show host: "What does five squared equal?"
Contestant: "In my day it was 5x5, but I wonder if it may be the same as five cubed now..."
    Posted by JT on 20 Dec 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Media reports suggest that 60% of Australia's population is overweight or obese. Other reports indicate rising sea levels. Is it possible that these two factors have a bearing on each other? In other words, the continent is sinking due to the excess weight of the population." (Comment News, Perth, WA)
    Posted by JT on 27 Dec 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
...and they say global warming is a fanciful theory.
    Posted by JT on 27 Dec 2010.
This idea has been suggested before...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTEOK4...
    Posted by poppy on 7 Jan 2011.

"That's Himalayan salt, it doesn't contain sodium."
    Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Potassium chloride is sometimes sold as "salt substitute", and tastes very similar to table salt.

As for "Himalayan salt"... a bit of Googling doesn't find much about its detailed composition, but does find a lot of material that wouldn't be out of place here... such as "Crystal salt is immune to electromagnetic fields", and "Himalayan salt is called white gold because it contains ions of stored sunlight." Jeezus!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Dec 2010.
OK, ignore my first comment - Himalayan salt is indeed, as you'd expect, mostly NaCl. [+]
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Dec 2010.
...and stored sunlight.
    Posted by JT on 4 Jan 2011.

"I just think it [homosexuality] is unnatural."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, you don't get gay animals."
"Actually, you do - one in five male mallard ducks are gay."
"Ducks aren't animals."

(Conversation with a customer)
    Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2010. + (2) - (0) Permalink
That's right! They live in the river, which makes them fish; and every vegetarian knows that fish don't really count as meat, so they can't be animals, can they?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 31 Dec 2010.
"You got somebody, he’s really weird, and his sexual orientation is that he likes to have sex with ducks. Is he protected under hate crime?" - Pat Robertson
    Posted by CheddarBBQ on 31 Dec 2010.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI...

(The song's irritating, but the brunette one's cute.)
    Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2011.
I assume he was one of these people (all too common, and a strong argument in favour of regular culling IMO) that confuses "animals" with "mammals." On the other hand, it's also just within the realm of possibility that he knows something we don't; i.e. that all ducks are in fact robots.
    Posted by JT on 5 Jan 2011.

"I'm here to represent children who have been abused by various organs of the Catholic Church..."

(spokesperson on the BBC)
    Posted by JT on 6 Feb 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink
I saw this one in Private Eye last night.

I saw it here first, though. Another first for Who Invented Foxes!
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Feb 2011.
Yeah, they've been copying us. Couldn't possibly be the other way round, of course, even if I do happen to be a newsagent and thus able to get a look at magazines before the general public can buy them. :-)
    Posted by JT on 22 Feb 2011.

"is england a country or a town?"
    Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"The amount of consciousness a creature has is directly prepositional to the size and structure of it's brain."
    Posted by JT on 26 Feb 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Spelling chequer mishap? I can believe that if you typed "preportional" it might get corrected to "prepositional".

Of course that doesn't really make it any more sensible. :)
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Feb 2011.

"How can a heart attack affect sports performance?"
    Posted by JT on 11 May 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Man found dead in cemetery" (http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Home/...)
    Posted by JT on 19 May 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"my seven months old kitten only eat meat and cream she is very weak what shuld i do so that she start eating bread"
    Posted by JT on 22 May 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink
Take her back to the shop and get a dog instead?
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 23 May 2011.

"I'd rather be street-wise than know the capital of Rome."
    Posted by JT on 9 Oct 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Nice weather in sweden but cold as hell!!!"
    Posted by JT on 13 Oct 2011. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"FEDERAL AGENTS RAID GUN STORE, FIND WEAPONS"
    Posted by JT on 8 Mar 2012. + (2) - (0) Permalink

"Four people were killed, one seriously, and eight more received slight injuries" (Japan News)
    Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009. + (2) - (1) Permalink
It's not a serious death unless he owed you money.
    Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Nov 2009.
One was seriously killed. The other three were killed jokingly, then?
    Posted by Moosh on 19 Nov 2009.

"What device makes ghosts not scary?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (1) - (0) Permalink
That would be an ectoplasmic descarifier, would it not?

Or perhaps a working brain.
    Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Aug 2009.

"How long does it take a body to make worms?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (1) - (0) Permalink

"What are some things that are made out of science?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (1) - (0) Permalink

"What do Earth Scientists primarily study?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (1) - (0) Permalink

"How long do cellphone users spend drinking blood?"
    (From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_long_do...)
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (1) - (0) Permalink

"English sould national lenguge or not?"
    Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. + (1) - (0) Permalink
Im pretty sure most of these Incoherents were 6 years old just finding the wonders of the Internet.

*ahem* porn *ahem*