JT - Public Profile


	Er...blimey. WTF can I write here that isn't so tedious it'd send people to sleep? After all, the most rock'n'roll thing I do is listen to Radio 4 - although sometimes, I don't turn the radio off until past 10...AT NIGHT. And sometimes, I have a cup of tea that late too, even though it means I have to get up at about 2am for a wee - I suppose that's quite hardcore, really. Oh yes, and I invented Who Invented Foxes (though it would have taken the form of some crappy blog had it not been for [user and admin] Mike, because my understanding of technology ends in around 1789). And, like, stuff.

Here's the best of what JT has contributed:

Page of .

"Is it true that polar bears dissolve in water? I heard the reason they're endangered is because when the ice melts, they fall into the water and dissolve."
Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009. (13) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Superb! I'm almost tempted to rewrite the voting system just so I can vote for this quote more than once. ;)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 26 Oct 2009.
	God, that's funny.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Oct 2009.
	Epic... Simply Epic.
	Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
	At least he's not referring to poachers...
	Posted by Tiger on 15 Dec 2009.
	They dissolve into Polar Kool Aid.
	Posted by Lollipop on 2 Jul 2011.

Overheard staff member in bookshop: "This says Pluto's a planet. Should we still be selling it now we know it's a star?"
Posted by JT on 19 Aug 2009. (13) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Everybody knows astronomers are just making stuff up.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.
	Yes. Keep it for the little starlings.
	Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

"My son has invented a new word, who do you sell them to? I can't tell you what it is in case you steal it, it's a good sensible word, how much would it be worth?"
(From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. (10) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I thought sensible was already a word.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
	where i live, 4 eggs and a potato
	Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.
	You sell them to.... the Patent Office!
	Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.
	Who... sell you!
	Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

A concerned mother writes: "My 17 year old son has been very secretive with me lately, recently he has started to refuse to go to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room I found a magazine with naked men in it. He obviously has a girlfriend that he is hiding from me that brought that magazine into my home and I am afraid that they are having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he will get her pregnant."
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (9) (0) Permalink Tweet
	TL - but stick with it. It's a gem.
	Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009.
	Conspiracy Theory Mum. Gay is just a myth.
	Posted by Moosh on 1 Jan 2010.
	Really I think an unwanted pregnancy is the last thing you should be worrying about.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 1 Jan 2010.
	I would like to make love to this woman and give birth to her babies. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, because her husband was also hiding a magazine with naked men, so he's obviously cheating on her with another woman.
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.
	Mom, just back away SLOWLY and put the porn down. His girlfriend will need it when she leaves the closet.
	Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

"My dentist says I have plaque. This is terrible. It will kill me.? Since he said I have plaque, I have been reading up about bubonic plaque and it is a terrible disease and kills millions of people and just spreads like wildfire."
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (9) (0) Permalink Tweet
	We're all gonna die!
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"Who did England fight in the English Civil War?"
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. (9) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Poles and Pakistanis, obviously :)
	Posted by Moosh on 11 Jan 2010.

"How to get YouTube.com come film you? I have been calling, calling and calling YouTube like crazy to get to come film some videos for me but they won't come. I do not understand how other people get there [sic] videos on YouTube. YouTube needs to come film me because I have some funny stuff to show the Internet."
Posted by JT on 21 Jul 2010. (9) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Can we find out this guy's email address? Someone should register YoutubeAdmin@yahoo.com or something and send him an email. :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 28 Jul 2010.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." (US anti-smoking campaign)
Posted by JT on 20 Aug 2009. (8) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Not to be prejudiced but I suspect the Americans could be some of our best contributors!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 21 Aug 2009.
	Ya think?
	Posted by Tiger on 15 Dec 2009.
	I don't quite believe that.
	Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." (Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger)
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (8) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I couldn't agree more.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Shakespeare was born in 1564, supposedly on his birthday."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (8) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are the symptoms when a guinea pig dies?"
Posted by JT on 7 Jan 2010. (8) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Lack of breathing is one to look out for.
	Posted by JT on 7 Jan 2010.
	Lack of enthusiasm when he is near your anus.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 7 Jan 2010.
	What kind of guinea pig did YOU have, Cheddar?
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.
	The Guinean Guinea pig. The one with 12 inches of crude manpower.
	Posted by Moosh on 8 Jan 2010.
	Ah, the Guinean Guinea Pig. A great pet for children (so long as you remember to buy plenty of Vaseline along with petfood).
	Posted by JT on 8 Jan 2010.
	Is it realistically textured?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 8 Jan 2010.
	Lack of enthusiasm when he IS near your anus. Or Uranus for that matter.
	Posted by breadbocks on 5 Apr 2010.
	Lack of enthusiasm when he is near poop.
	Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

"Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country." (Professional footballer on his recent transfer)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I have a vague feeling I know who said this.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

American tourist at Stonehenge: "Why did they put the rocks so close to the freeway?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet
	So people wouldn't have to walk all the way from the parking lot. What are you? Stupid?
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

"Why do animals like dinosaurs still exist if the fish died out hundreds of years ago?"
Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Fish died out...? Then what the hell was that thing I had for my dinner last night?!
	Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009.
	A dinosaur?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Oct 2009.
	Synthetic meat?
	Posted by Socky on 28 Oct 2009.
	Loch Ness Monster?
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
	"Why do animals like dinosaurs still exist?" cough
	Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
	Porcupine?
	Posted by Lollipop on 2 Jul 2011.

"Do you know any good roleplaying games with dwarfs, elves and milfs?"
Posted by JT on 9 Dec 2009. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet
	imvu
	Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

"Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet

News headline: "Something Went Wrong in Plane Crash, Expert Says"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Might be something to do with the remains of the bomb we found in the engine. Just a thought.
	Posted by Destrii on 11 Jan 2010.
	The plane failed to fly right in the crash.
	Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.
	Call me wild, but I think they might have gotten the crash procedure correct. It was just the landing that needed some work.
	Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

News: "Diana was still alive just hours before she died."
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why did the Pre-Cambrian start?"
Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is it okay for a Catholic priest to wear socks with scandals?" - another lovely typo!
Posted by JT on 5 Mar 2010. (7) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Catholic priests and sockpuppet-related scandals. I'm lovin' it!
	Posted by Moosh on 5 Mar 2010.
	I think we've got a few of these now. Do we need a "Typos" category?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 5 Mar 2010.
	I suppose we could - they're a worthwhile form of humour in their own right. I originally thought we should avoid simple mistakes as fundamental misunderstandings/blatant stupidity are funnier, but I couldn't resist this one.
	Posted by JT on 6 Mar 2010.
	No. They can only have their togas.
	Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.

American tourist visiting the British countryside: "Where are all the hobbits?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Dwelling in their holes, of course.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.
	"New Zealand."
	Posted by David Gerard on 20 Oct 2009.

"If you're going to act spontaneously, at least plan it in advance."
Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	If you fail to plan, you plan to fail....
	Posted by Mhaille on 27 Oct 2009.

"There are only two ways to have a relationship with a person - you can love them, you can hate them or you can tolerate them."
Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Um. How is this stupid?
	Posted by Socky on 3 Dec 2009.
	"There are only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't."
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Dec 2009.
	"There are only 10 types of people in the world - those that understand binary code and those that don't."
	Posted by JT on 4 Dec 2009.
	Yes, well. There are two ways how the inequal number thingy is irrelevant. 1. Tolerating them is the middle solution, the golden mean. It's just the combination of the two previous ones, so it basically the same as saying "both". 2. Loving and hating is one option. Neither love nor hatred will lead to a peaceful coexistence. It creates too much tension, it cannot last forever. Option 2, tolerating them is the answer to that problem. 3. Numbers don't matter.
	Posted by Socky on 4 Dec 2009.

Advert: "Dell Studio 17 Laptops are available in a range of different colours to suit the whole family..." Small print: "Dell Studio 17 Laptop available in red or blue only."
Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You can have any colour you like, as long as it's red. Or blue.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Dec 2009.

Genuine answer given in exam: "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Unlike other primates, human bodies do not have consonants.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.
	He forgot the Elvis.
	Posted by Moosh on 20 Dec 2009.

Answer given in History exam: "Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Damn students on crack. Also, JT, where do you get the "answer given in exam" stuff? You're a teacher or something?
	Posted by Moosh on 16 Dec 2009.
	Not a chance - I'd rather spend as little time around children as possible, horrid little beasts that they are. Found it all on some teachers website.
	Posted by JT on 17 Dec 2009.

Sign at ice skating rink: "Please note our hot chocolate is hot."
Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This reminds me of one I saw at Ipswich railway station: "Warning: this heater gets hot"
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Dec 2009.

"Did you know that if you swap over the positive and negative on a microwave, it'll freeze food really fast?"
Posted by JT on 24 Dec 2009. (7) (1) Permalink Tweet

"If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian is it still called stand-up comedy?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are lions really afraid of kitchen chairs?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (7) (1) Permalink Tweet
	And they're even more afraid of living room chairs!
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"Why does it take a year for earth to orbit the sun?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why is there 4 prongs on a fork but only 3 spaces between them?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How many people have died this year from squirrel attacks?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I think it's actually a sensible question, though I can't think why anyone might want to ask it. It gets a [+] from me for the sheer bizarreness factor, though!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
	Same here - not stupid at all, but it made me smile.
	Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.
	Killer squirrels are serious business!
	Posted by Socky on 3 Jan 2010.

"97% of smokers will die."
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The other 3% drink from the fountain of youth.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

Headline: "Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	That one's great too :)
	Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.
	The idiots at bestfinance-blog.com like to sign up to unrelated websites and spam their doubtless extortionate wares in places where their adverts aren't wanted. If you're reading this, I suggest you avoid them!
	Posted by AcevedoHAZEL on 8 Jan 2011.

"Experts agree Al Qaeda leader is dead or alive" (CNN)
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	And that one, too :)
	Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.

"Is Lady Gaga technically an alkali?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_Lady_Gag...)
Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	If you place a piece of litmus paper on Lady Gaga it will reveal that she has a pH of 5. This means that she is in fact technically an acid.
	Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010.

Call centre employee: "Are you Mrs. or Miss?" Female customer: "I'm Ms." Employee: "What? What's that?" Customer: "It's a title that doesn't reveal my married status, as whether or not I'm married is nobody else's business." Employee: "Oh, that's a good idea - they should have something like that for men."
Posted by JT on 4 Feb 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	When I was little I thought "Miss" meant single, "Mrs" meant married, and "Ms" meant divorced. Of course, in practice I wasn't too far wrong.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 4 Feb 2010.
	A lot of people think that!
	Posted by JT on 5 Feb 2010.
	To be honest, I don't have the faintest clue how I'm supposed to pronounce all that. Well, except Miss, that one's kinda obvious.
	Posted by Socky on 8 Feb 2010.
	Sock, Ms and Miss are the same. Mrs is Missis.
	Posted by breadbocks on 4 Apr 2010.
	"Ms and Miss are the same?" I wouldn't say that to any feminists, if I were you!
	Posted by JT on 14 Mar 2011.

"How do electrons work in the US?"
Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This was asked in a politics forum, so I think it was a typo for "elections..."
	Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010.

High time for US to invade UK? three reasons !>1. They fought us in civil war<! 2. they think they know better english than us 3. british girls think they are smarter in P/O/R/N
(From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
Posted by JT on 3 Apr 2010. (7) (1) Permalink Tweet

"David Cameron! is he conservative or Tory? I read he is a member of conservative but also see articles where he is Tory? please correct me before election day."
Posted by JT on 21 Apr 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Thereby proving my belief that some people should not be allowed to vote due to being too stupid.
	Posted by JT on 21 Apr 2010.

"Kenya and Africa are the same thing, I always thought...geography isn't my strongpoint." - Overheard vicar (!) in an Indian restaurant
Posted by JT on 29 Apr 2010. (6) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I heard that America and the world are the same thing, too.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Apr 2010.
	I heard that France and Transylvania are the same thing.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 29 Apr 2010.
	Nah, can't be. The natives have vastly differing attitudes to garlic.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Apr 2010.
	Lol!
	Posted by JT on 30 Apr 2010.

Is rabbit can hop?
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes. It is can.
	Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
	What's an is rabbit?
	Posted by Socky on 14 Nov 2009.

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Correction: A genius is a guy like George W. Bush.
	Posted by Moosh on 16 Nov 2009.

"Why would the radio on a 1994 corvette stop working after the battery went dead?"
Posted by JT on 12 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Beats me.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"You can't just let nature run wild."
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Indeed. That would be highly unethical.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"How did the Great Wall of China get its name?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It's a wall. A great big one. In China. But good question - I wonder why it isn't called the Tiny Fence of Iceland?
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Won't that ruin the film?" (worried onlooker as contributor inserted new memory card into digital camera)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	contributor: Free Will
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Where is the Amazon River Turtle's habitat?"
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It's on little boats drifting on the Amazon River.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

Overheard in a pub: "...But I thought black people didn't get cancer?"
Posted by JT on 9 Nov 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Smelt the smell of weed in the BREATH of someone else...am I harmed? He wasn't smoking it, he had already smoked it, and he was chewing gum and I could smell a bitter tobaccoey smell coming from his mouth; I didn't know it was weed. He told me later on. But I'm so worried if I am harmed."
Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You'd better see a doctor immediately, before you scrotum implodes and you testes wither.
	Posted by Moosh on 13 Nov 2009.

Not very bright colleague observing me hand-rolling: "Do you like smoking tobacco?" Me: "Yes. Do you?" Not very bright colleague: "I don't smoke tobacco. I smoke cigarettes."
Posted by JT on 19 Nov 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If a dog wags its tail in a circle does it mean it's gay? My local GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) office didn't seem to know either which surprised me since they seem to have answers for anything that pertains to this life style."
Posted by JT on 29 Nov 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I think it's clockwise for a giver and anticlockwise for a receiver.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Nov 2009.
	Very handy information - that's going to save me a lot of unnecessary bites.
	Posted by JT on 29 Nov 2009.

"What's the song that goes dun dun dun dun dun dunnnnnn?"
Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note: This one appeared in this (typed) form on Yahoo Answers.
	Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009.
	The dun dun dun song?
	Posted by Socky on 3 Dec 2009.

Answer given in Biology exam: "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

Answer given in Science exam: "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If I keep my kids in cold water will it keep them small? It worked for my turtle and I don't want my kids to grow up, I want little people for ever. Do you think this will work?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ans...)
Posted by JT on 22 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Lots of couples say "We want a baby", but have you ever heard anyone say "We want a teenager"?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 23 Dec 2009.
	God. This is the most stupid quote I've read so far. Even more stupid than the "polar bears" one. Wow. Keeping children in cold water so that they don't grow up. Wow, I say.
	Posted by Moosh on 26 Dec 2009.

"How are dinosaurs bones found on Earth when they aren't mentioned at all in the bible? In Genius it never said anything about them."
Posted by JT on 29 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The Bible doesn't have much to say about helicopters, Boyzone or curry sauce, either. So, Genius, are we to take it that none of these things exist on Earth?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Dec 2009.
	Genius doesn't say anything about them, but Irrelevations do.
	Posted by Moosh on 29 Dec 2009.

"If you eat pasta and then eat some anti-pasta are you still hungry?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (6) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Yes, because the anti-pasta annihilates the pasta. Duh!
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"[What are] the disadvantages of bombs?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Disadvantag...)
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, if a bomb explodes (they tend to do that) right in front of you, you might get hurt. Not that that's inherently a bad thing or anything.
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
	I imagine some people would consider that to be the point.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 11 Jan 2010.

"Why are there school? Is a point to it?"
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What does the Bible say about husbands and wives having homosexual relations with each other? My husband wants me to do things to him that seem homosexual. I think since we are in the sanctity of marriage it is OK, but I don't know."
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Things that seem homosexual? Is he making you dress up like a guy?
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
	No, he wants her to fuck him with a dildo, obviously.
	Posted by Moosh on 1 Jan 2010.
	Oh. That's not gay at all. Lesbians do that all the time, and lesbians aren't gay.
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"I'm 16, and I have a toy that says for ages 13-15. Does that mean I have to return it?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	How dare you?! You monster!
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"Did stone exist in 1066?"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	No. Back then all we had was titanium.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." (High school student when asked to explain Roe v. Wade)
(From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roe_v._Wade)
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

News headline: "Munching Swedish beaver causes blackout"
(From http://www.thelocal.se/616/20041111/)
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (6) (1) Permalink Tweet
	I love this one :-)
	Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.
	Me too! :)
	Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.
	That's superb! I can't quite make up my mind whether it was translated automatically, or whether their English-speaking staff were just having a laugh.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Jan 2010.
	So the beaver caused the power outage. Knaw Really?
	Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.

Headline: "12 Remain Dead"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Haha! I lol'd here!
	Posted by Moosh on 3 Jan 2010.
	I found another: "17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree" :-)
	Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.

"Why was my dad so upset when I broke our computer to use the parts for school?"
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	He was?! Talk about overreacting!
	Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"How many times does the number 1 go into 100?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. (6) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Once?
	Posted by Socky on 14 Jan 2010.
	The number 1 goes into a bar. The barman says, "Oi! Get out. You're under 18."
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 14 Jan 2010.
	Only 18 in a bar. Wow, where do you live, Puerto Rico?
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Jan 2010.
	Does that surprise you? Where do you live, America?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Jan 2010.

"Who played Sylvester Stallone in the film 'Rambo'?"
(From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
Posted by JT on 15 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Michael J. Fox
	Posted by Necropaxx on 19 Jan 2010.

"What Bible quotes should I get tattooed on my newborn daughter?"
(From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
Posted by JT on 21 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Leviticus 19:28 springs to mind. :-)
	Posted by JT on 21 Jan 2010.
	I am the LORD.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Jan 2010.

Andy, an old friend who isn't the brightest person ever, was examining his bicycle inner tube for a puncture having discovered it to have a flat tyre: Andy: "Well, there's no puncture in that half so it's pretty unlikely there'll be one in the other half." Me: "..."
Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does fog affect visibility of stars?"
Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does that mean you're into witchcraft?" ([Name omitted], pointing at Star of David on a menorah.)
Posted by JT on 13 Feb 2010. (7) (2) Permalink Tweet
	YES.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Feb 2010.
	I get that question a lot, too, just because I have an inverted pentagram tattoo'd on my forehead. Idiots.
	Posted by Moosh on 23 Feb 2010.
	That reminds me of somebody who lived int he town I grew up in, who had been a skinhead and into white supremacist politics during the 1970s and had a swastika and National Front symbol tattooed on his head. He later saw the error of his ways and grew his hair to cover the tats. Then, ten years later, he went bald.
	Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010.

Vince: "The speed of electricity is faster than the speed of light." Me: "The what?" Vince: "The speed of electricity - it's faster than light." Me: "Er..." Vince: "Think about it. If you put electricity through a wire, it gets from one end to the other instantly. That's faster than light." Me: "Er..."
Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	As you once told me, JT, the idiocy of man knows no boundaries.. Who's Vince anyway?
	Posted by Moosh on 24 Feb 2010.
	He is ginger. That's all you need to know.
	Posted by JT on 24 Feb 2010.

"Is linguistics another science of Satan? Linguists suggest that the original human language originated from southern Africa and had a lot of click consonants. This is baloney, since the original language of mankind was Hebrew. They also state that languages change over time and create different languages, while it is obvious from the Bible that languages were made different by God, as shown in the construction of Babel."

Posted by JT on 9 Mar 2010.

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(1) Permalink

"In wikipedia i saw TGV connects london and paris too. how? Britain is separated from france by a water body...?"
Posted by JT on 18 Mar 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The thing that amazes me with this quote is not the poor grammar or the poor punctuation or even that the person asking it is unaware of the existence of the Channel Tunnel, but that anybody capable of making those mistakes/not knowing that can then spell "separated" correctly when so few people can.
	Posted by JT on 18 Mar 2010.
	What do you mean? Everyone knows it's spelled "seperated."
	Posted by Necropaxx on 28 Mar 2010.

"Is leet a germanic language? If leet a germanic language? If so what branch?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 26 Mar 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	#4#4#4 y00 57up1\|) n008!!!!1111!!!lol!!!one!!
	Posted by JT on 26 Mar 2010.
	H31L t3h h1tl3rz0r!!!1!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Mar 2010.
	5139 #31\|lolwtf
	Posted by JT on 27 Mar 2010.
	830WULF 15 480UT...
	Posted by Tiger on 9 Jul 2010.

"Does castration cause infertility?"
Posted by JT on 17 Apr 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes. Who'd have known?
	Posted by Moosh on 27 Apr 2010.

"iPad - dishwasher safe?" (from Yahoo Answers)
Posted by JT on 19 Apr 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How many times does the sun go round the Earth every day?"
Posted by JT on 18 May 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Ahh, the good ol' times when the Sun revolved around the Flat Earth twice a day.
	Posted by Moosh on 22 May 2010.
	365, right?
	Posted by Tiger on 12 Dec 2010.

"The 32-year-old was found dead in a delivery area behind the Oxfordshire Golf Club, near Thame, where he worked. He had been decapitated. Police were called the the club at 3pm, but Mr. XXX [the victim] had died before paramedics reached him." (Cambridge Evening News)
Posted by JT on 27 Aug 2010. (5) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is it true a motorcycle can bring bad luck or death?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes.
	Posted by Socky on 19 Nov 2009.

"As far as we know, our computers have never suffered any undetected errors."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Which is the best planet for people to live on?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Uranus! Duhhhhh.
	Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.

Actor commenting on Jurassic Park: "You can hardly tell where the computer models finish and the real dinosaurs begin."
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How many hairs does it take to be a monster?"
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	0, damn hairless monsters!
	Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding." (French ambassador, speaking on the subject of France's nuclear weapons programme)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	He's right, you know. It's not a bomb, it's an überbomb!
	Posted by Socky on 14 Nov 2009.
	Yes yes, he's right. It's not the "Nuclear Bomb," it's the "Nuclear Device That Is Exploding." Sounds to me like a literal translation of the North Korean word for the bomb. :)
	Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.

British radio presenter: "For most people, death comes at the end of their lives..."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"A ghost would crawl up my leg and have sex with me at an apartment a long time ago in Texas . I used to think it was my boyfriend, and one day I woke up and it wasn't. I was freaked out about it, but then I was, like, well, you know what? He's never hurt me and he just gave me some amazing sex, so I have no problem."
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Glad to be of service.
	Posted by Ghost on 3 Dec 2009.

Tourist in Canadian park: "How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, it helps that there's a sign there to tell them.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 18 Sep 2009.
	Very considerate towards elk, are the Canadians.
	Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009.

Tourist: "Which side of the River Thames is Tower Bridge on?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	On the side of the Tower.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"What year was the stone age?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It wasn't a year, it was a decade! You idiot!
	Posted by Socky on 20 Jan 2010.

Tourist in a Toronto giftshop: "Do your Canadian flags come in any other colours?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

Interviewer: "Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can't locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Miss Teen South Carolina 2007: "I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that, uh, our education such as, like, uh, in South Africa and, uh, Iraq, everywhere, like, such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we should be able to build up our future."

Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.

(4)

(0) Permalink

"Police have confirmed bones found in a bag at the side of the M5 motorway near Bristol are human. Officers had been treating the find as "very suspicious..."
Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Um, yeah - just a tad suspicious!
	Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009.
	Well, I was taking Grandad to the crematorium...
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 6 Oct 2009.
	haha thank you for this, i really needed a good laugh, 'tis the only thing i've laughed out loud to on this website so far.
	Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.
	@cheqz, what you calling this website unfunny? If you don't be careful, it'd be your bones in the bag. lol just kidding :p
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

Jamie Oliver, TV chef, standing in a desert Navajo reservation somewhere in the American West: "This ain't Britain. This is not Britain..."
Posted by JT on 9 Oct 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Where did you think it was? Navajo? PFFT AHAHAHA
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"How come some people wear abercrombie and stuff but they are not popular? i just dont get it. I dont wear popular stuff and im popular. Other ppl who wear aeropostale and abercrombie r not pops. this might be a stupid question again. Oh yeh u might say u spelled something rong but i noe how to spell it but i type like this for aim. thats y."
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Behold - the next generation to hold power.
	Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009.
	I am utterly horrified.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Oct 2009.
	If this is what my generation holds, I refuse to partake.
	Posted by ColinAYB on 27 Oct 2009.
	That's pretty normal.. It's been that way here since dawn of time. Ancient Egyptian kids who wore <s>Jaguar Skins™</b> where not always popular. Kids who wore carboard boxen and wooden barrels for clothes were.
	Posted by Moosh on 15 Nov 2009.

"I've lived here for 15 years and there's never been a strike locally..." (Man explaining on television why damage to his telephone wires couldn't possibly have been caused by lightning)
Posted by JT on 31 Oct 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

Over-excited TV shopping channel presenter: "Each pen can do three colours! There's six in a pack, so that's 23 colours!"
Posted by JT on 7 Nov 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	But if you're partially colourblind, you won't be able to see the difference between quite a few of them.
	Posted by Socky on 18 Nov 2009.

"Can you get pregnant from a bite? I have no idea about the scenario that relates to men and womans having ovaries then getting pregnant. The thing i am worried about is a stupid dog, comes and bites me then like next month or a few i get a dog inside my stomach. Same to all other animal bites like a cat, i'll get a cat inside me like a woman does when she has a small baby. Is this true? In my country, because of the animal bites, i heard that we have to take about 14 vaccines or injections on the belly to get rid of the infection or it will form a small implant or whatever overy in the stomach thus a small animal forms and eats you up in the inside, then you die!!. Is this true? Because yesterday i almost got bitten by a stupid dog in a school field, i don't even know who that belongs to. I heard that even mens will get pregnant!!" (sic)
Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	... (speechless)
	Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009.
	where do you find this stuff, JT? :D
	Posted by Moosh on 12 Nov 2009.
	What you should actually be worrying about is a dog biting you in the ass. It'll give you Super Dog AIDS. FOR REALZ!
	Posted by Socky on 12 Nov 2009.
	Mike and I have been collecting and swapping examples of human stupidity for years - our ears are highly tuned to hunting them down. This particular example was Wikianswers, I think. :-)
	Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009.
	The moral of the story: If a dog attacks you, make sure you bite it first. That way the dog will get pregnant instead of you. Problem solved!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Nov 2009.
	I quite often bite dogs in the street just because they offend me by not being cats. Suppose that explains why so many puppies round here look like me.
	Posted by JT on 13 Nov 2009.
	Of course. Where esle could Catwoman have come from?
	Posted by Ghost on 15 Nov 2009.

Me: "Is that shop up the road open 24 hours a day?" Andy: "No - that one's open 48 hours."
Posted by JT on 17 Nov 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	They've got a time machine? Radical!
	Posted by Socky on 18 Nov 2009.

Overheard in pub: "I'll have chips and a ham and cheese punany please."
Posted by JT on 20 Nov 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I'm sure the order should have been "a ham and cheese panini..." (if you're unfamiliar with the term "punany" read http://www.urbandictionary.com/define...)
	Posted by JT on 20 Nov 2009.
	That's loltastic!
	Posted by Socky on 21 Nov 2009.

"How can i change my eye color without contacts (maybe a spell)?"
Posted by JT on 3 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Have you tried to paint your eyes yet?
	Posted by Socky on 3 Dec 2009.
	Not without contacts.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 5 Dec 2009.
	For that matter, I vaguely remember a magical ritual a hermit taught me when I was young: get a frog's heart, a lizard's liver, a crescent-shaped horn and a nail. Then close your eyes, count to three, hammer the nail (pointy end first) into your eyelids, and say hello to your new red eye. Then use the heart, the liver and the horn for witchcraft or whatever it is that you like.
	Posted by Moosh on 8 Dec 2009.
	Was this hermit blind?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 8 Dec 2009.
	Yes, but he had the radar-vision thing so that he wont bump into walls while flying at night.
	Posted by Moosh on 8 Dec 2009.

"Can you get high by using a balloon, sugar and active dry yeast?"
Posted by JT on 6 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes, it's simple! Feed the sugar to the yeast to create alcohol. While flying your hot air balloon, drink the alcohol and pass out, causing you to lose track of your altitude and float as high as you like.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 6 Dec 2009.
	Ah, good thinking! I thought maybe the secret was to burn the balloon and inhale the fumes, then ignore the yeast and sugar.
	Posted by JT on 7 Dec 2009.

Sign allegedly seen on family planning/birth control clinic: "USE BACK DOOR."
Posted by JT on 10 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Wouldn't a "NO ENTRANCE" sign be more efficient.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 11 Dec 2009.
	Far less funny, though.
	Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009.

"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It's an exact science.
	Posted by Destrii on 11 Jan 2010.

Answer given in Nursing exam: "The patient was put under the physiotherapist who came often."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Of all the places to want to go to... Canada? Really?
	Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.
	Could it be Canada is the Promised Land? Been a lot of conflict in the Middle East over nothing if so.
	Posted by LucyT on 22 Dec 2009.

"Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Shaving razors?
	Posted by Moosh on 16 Dec 2009.

Answer given in History exam: "The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	http://www.wilsoncenter.org/index.cfm... More similar answers.
	Posted by Destrii on 9 Jan 2010.

"Certainly sir, I can help you reset your password, can you just confirm your account number and password please?" - Uttered by some moron at Sky Customer Services (courtesy of UnderUser)
Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How wide is 13mm?"
Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"pine double bed with fire retarded mattress" - for sale on Ebay.
Posted by JT on 23 Dec 2009. (5) (1) Permalink Tweet
	I asked the buyer a question about the retardedness of the bed and they answered with 'lol im sure u have better things to do with your time than correct my grama but mabe not'
	Posted by etherelda on 27 Dec 2009.
	When have I ever corrected your grandma?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Dec 2009.
	I love the idea of WIF users tracking down the sources of quotes and hassling them!
	Posted by JT on 28 Dec 2009.

"I don't think they [firefighters] should get a payrise - it's not as if they do a dangerous job..."
Posted by JT on 24 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The person who said this is employed in a small factory where he spends his days glueing little rubber feet onto the bottom of chair legs so they won't scratch floors. He is almost constantly complaining about the low wages he receives.
	Posted by JT on 24 Dec 2009.

"2/10 - essay is too political." (Teacher's written comment on essay returned to student. Essay's subject - George Orwell's Animal Farm)
Posted by JT on 26 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

Customer: "I bought this CD last week. It says on the cover that it comes with a free air guitar, but I wasn't given one..."
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This really happened in a record shop I used to work in - and probably ever other record shop that stocked that CD too.
	Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009.

"If today is Monday on Earth what day is it on Saturn?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (5) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Saturday?
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"Why were trees invented?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_were_tr...)
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Wow. That could have been the name of this website.
	Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009.
	Yes, right :)
	Posted by Moosh on 30 Dec 2009.
	To provide us with shadow, obviously. And oxygen too, maybe.
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"This is a very traditional space..." (Estate agent, rather sniffily, while valuing a full-scale house built entirely of Lego bricks)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why is my girlfriend unhappy? Her dad died like a week ago and I thought she'd get over it but she's being a real emo about the whole thing. Last night I told her to stop whining and move on with her life, I mean she's 15 years old, she can handle herself, but she got real angry and I was forced to kick her out of the house..." (Yahoo Answers)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	That girl just can't empathise with a guy that doesn't care one bit about her dead father, can she? What a bitch!
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

Lawyer: "What happened then?" Client: "He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	A very good question, because, people die if they are killed. You know?
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"Oh for f*ck's sake - why won't you be quiet and go to sleep?" - teenage mother to her toddler, while handing it a bottle of Lucozade energy drink .
(From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucozade)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How much has the cellphone changed since 1935 and why?"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

Q: Why will an iron nail rust? A: If the nail is left in air it will rust because air is really water.
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Which is why people often swim through the air.
	Posted by Socky on 3 Jan 2010.
	This can't be the whole story. If air is really water, then nobody would be worried about the sea level rising. So, maybe water is really air, too?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 8 Jan 2010.

Q: "Describe changes in the weather which could lead to a decrease in evaporation from oceans." A: "If there was drought there wouldn't be any water in the oceans to evaporate."
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

News headline: "Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

News headline: "Grandmother of eight makes hole in one"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Should you say 'nine and five is thirteen' or 'nine and five are thirteen'?" (from a children's book)
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Neither. It's nine and five equals thirteen. You need better mathz
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 3 Jan 2010.

Newspaper: "Missippi's literacy program shows improvement"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why did William Shakespeare move to England?"
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Because of the lovely weather.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"My shadow make me look shorter than I am so I wear a long coat but now my shadow looks too fat. What will help?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Blindfolds.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"I can see the point of biology because it helps us understand diseases and I can see the point of chemistry because it can give us new medicines and stuff. But what's the point of physics?" (Overheard conversation, resulting in a badly bitten tongue as I restrained myself from shouting "YOU MORON!")
Posted by JT on 18 Jan 2010. (6) (2) Permalink Tweet
	I should probably point out that the person who said this was not ignorant about what physics is, but believes it to be worthless. That doesn't really come across in the quote.
	Posted by JT on 21 Jan 2010.
	Well, he's stupid for thinking humanity can't benefit from physics in some manner. Though I do wonder if those billions of dollars they spent on the Large Hadron Collider wouldn't have been better spent helping the poor or something like that.
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
	By building things like the LHC, we increase our knowledge of physics. By achieving a certain level of mastery of physics, we would want for and lack nothing - so the LHC could benefit the poor enormously.
	Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
	Well, yes. But I kinda doubt the LHC will result in any discoveries that will be of any practical use to us somewhere in the near future. I mean, if they need billions of dollars just to build something that makes these protons collide with sufficiently high collision energies, I don't think we're gonna see any economically feasible applications anytime soon.
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
	When someone first rubbed two sticks together and created fire it didn't immediately lead to metal smelting - but we've benefited from it all the same. Some things take a long time, but they're still worth doing.
	Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
	I don't deny its usefulness in the long run. I just think with millions of people dying from the consequences of poverty each year, the issue of poverty is a more urgent matter.
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
	If we thought that way, we'd just continue spending to alleviate poverty in the short term rather than striving to find long-term, even permanent solutions.
	Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
	So you think humanity is as of yet incapable of raising these people's standards of living to ethically acceptable levels (i.e. not millions of people dying due to lack of clean water, nutrition, health care, clothing, shelter etc.), because we haven't yet figured out how reality exactly works, in hopes of ever being able to actively control it? If you think we shouldn't be concerned with people lacking basic human needs in the present, as long as we concentrate on (a vague promise of) long-term solutions, do you think highly technological, future civilizations will even be concerned with the poor people that don't benefit from its scientific progress? I'd rather think they'd consider them to be uncivilized savages, and just about the least of their concerns.
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
	No, I didn't say that. I said that it would be a mistake to only provide short term relief at the expense of trying to find a cure. I didn't say we should concentrate only on the cure and not bother with the relief. We have a duty to do both IMO, whatever the financial cost.
	Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
	That's exactly what I was trying to say. And I used that reasoning to state that it might have been better to postpone the LHC project in preference of the money being used to help solve the pressing issues that result from poverty.
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
	Crikey. That's got the be the largest amount of typing this site's ever seen in a single day. Steady on, you'll wear out the poor server! :) Maybe there should be a mod option to move stuff to the forums?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Jan 2010.
	^ Good idea - not least of all because a whole load of discussion is likely to make the site look like some forum for real discussion, rather than the harmless frippery that it truly is.
	Posted by JT on 31 Jan 2010.
	Or maybe something more like a talk page?
	Posted by Socky on 31 Jan 2010.

"Do black people slow down with age when they get old? Or does this only happen to white people?"
Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	And how do Mexicans fit into all this?!
	Posted by Necropaxx on 3 Mar 2010.

"What is the religion of the Orthodox Jew?"
Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Orthodox Jewism?
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.

"i like the name Zoey but i think it wud be cool to do something more, out there like Ellipse or something (i love the name ellipse) or Luna! omg im a guiness (i cant even spell it)"
Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	omg I'm a Jack Daniel's. We're like twins, only not!
	Posted by Necropaxx on 21 Feb 2010.

Street-sweeper, seeing a big lump of meat lying on next to the road: "Look at that - a blind person walking along here wouldn't be able to see that. They could fall over it and be injured. A blind person, or a woman."
Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Many male users of the Internet will be unfamiliar with feminine anatomy, but rest assured that the majority of women do have eyes.
	Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2010.

"Lions, famous for being the biggest carnivores in the Animal Kingdom..." (TV presenter who has obviously never heard of sperm whales, orcas, various species of shark, several types of crocodile, assorted dolphins and tigers)
Posted by JT on 27 Feb 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Also, bears.
	Posted by Socky on 3 Mar 2010.
	Damn - I always forget about bears. That's likely to prove fatal one of these days.
	Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2010.

"If English isn't your strong point, ask at your local JobCentre for help in constructing a cv/completing application forms. Many people have missed out on job offers that they could of got due to basic errors." (Letter from JobCentre listing programs designed to help unemployed people back into work)
Posted by JT on 28 Feb 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I don't get it...
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 28 Feb 2010.
	Then you might want to ask for help with your grammar. :-)
	Posted by JT on 28 Feb 2010.
	Just don't ask the Jobcentre :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Mar 2010.
	Cheddar - it should have said: "...that they could HAVE got...". "...help IN constructing a cv..." really should have been "...help WITH..." too. Actually, the entire second sentence is incorrect; but since I already have a reputation for being a grammar nazi I'll let it go.
	Posted by JT on 2 Mar 2010.
	But if they could have got job offers due to basic errors, but missed out on them... maybe that means they need more basic errors in their writing?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Mar 2010.
	Thats' why from now on im gonna right job applicashunes lick this, innit
	Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2010.
	lol u hace teh jobz0r!!!1! l0l0l0l
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Mar 2010.
	i can has jobz?
	Posted by JT on 4 Mar 2010.
	I've actually seen quite a few of those ads here in Egypt. I laughed.
	Posted by Moosh on 4 Mar 2010.

Quizmaster: In which African city is the Number One Ladies' Opera House? Contestant: Wellington, New Zealand. (Point Counterpoint music quiz show, BBC Radio 4)
Posted by JT on 22 Mar 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

Bloke: "Sorry, I didn't catch your name..." Lucy: "It's Lucy." Bloke: "Very pleased to meet you, Lucy. So - are you Lucy's sister?"
Posted by JT on 21 May 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	"Yes, I am. You must be Bloke's brother, good to meet you!"
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 21 May 2010.

Police officer, raiding house occupied by five suspected illegal immigrants from India, to suspected illegal immigrant and speaking very slowly and using exaggerated mannerisms in case they can't speak English: "Do... you... have... a... passport...?" Immigrant: "Yes." Officer: "What... about... these... guys...?" Immigrant: "I don't know about these guys, sorry." Officer: "Can... you... ask... them...?" Immigrant: "Do you guys have passports?" Other immigrants: "Yes we do." Officer: "I... will... need... to... see... your... passports... where... are... they...?"
Posted by JT on 25 Jun 2010. (5) (1) Permalink Tweet
	So this copper sees a van doing 60mph in a 50 limit, so he pulls it over, and says to the Indian guy behind the wheel, "Sorry mate, the limit's 50 here." The Indian guy leans over the back and says "I'm afraid 5 of you are going to have to get out" :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 26 Jun 2010.

"OK got a science question for ya. My little boy and I was looking at the stars and saw a falling star. I know you already think Im nuts!! So anyways my question is Why are the falling stars never the ones in the constellations? Maybe I wasnt paying attention in class!!!"
Posted by JT on 11 Jul 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What do hot air balloons run on?" "Hot air."
Posted by JT on 15 Jul 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I would like to see the council use some anti-social paint on top of the walls round here." (From Cambridge News)
Posted by JT on 21 Jul 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I've seen that anti-social paint. There's a little gang of it that hangs around in the park, always drinking cheap cider and yelling insults at passers-by. Bring back the birch, that's what I say!
	Posted by JT on 21 Jul 2010.

"SOLAR - Full Moon Party. Every Thursday." - sign advertising a party in Cambridge.
Posted by JT on 31 Jul 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I liked the flyer for a gig which was billed as being on the "5th Thursday Every Month".
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Aug 2010.

"Is all information on the world wide web checked by an editor for truth?" (Wikianswers)
Posted by JT on 14 Oct 2010. (4) (0) Permalink Tweet

Recently, I had to appear in court (and was found not guilty, which was good because I was indeed not guilty of the offence with which I was charged). We heard the tail end of the case heard before mine, which was that of a man who had been caught driving with a fake driving licence. He wasn't in court, but his barrister read out his defence: "He had not been aware that the licence was fake when he bought it."

Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2011.

(4)

(0) Permalink

Girl in shop, looking at colour choices on sheets: "Wossa teal?" Girl's Mother: "A kind of bird." Girl: "Uhhh. Wossa bird?" Incredulous Mother: "A fing wiv wings wot flies..." (I swear this really happened).
Posted by JT on 15 Aug 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

Stonehenge? That was built by the Victorians, wasn't it?
Posted by JT on 18 Aug 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does it rain in Brazil?" (Source's colleague replied, "Two words. Rain. Forest.")
Posted by JT on 23 Aug 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"There's a lump in my scrotum?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Bollocks.
	Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.
	What's with the question mark. If you really want to know, go check.
	Posted by Tiger on 4 Nov 2009.
	It must be an example of American Rising Intonation?
	Posted by JT on 5 Nov 2009.
	There's a lump in my scrotum, dear doctor, dear doctor, There's a lump in my scrotum, dear doctor, a lump!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 5 Nov 2009.
	its a web camera that feeds mamooshahasscrotum.org
	Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.
	lol@injoke :-)
	Posted by JT on 9 Nov 2009.
	JT, are you Uncyc's RabbiTechno? If so, Hi!
	Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.
	Indeed, 'tis I. Welcome to WIF - now go and tell loads of other people to have a look too!
	Posted by JT on 12 Nov 2009.
	Yes, that's what I said! Listen to me properly from now on!!
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"What is 58.25?" (note: no further context...)
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Half of 116.5, which is half of 233, which is half of 466, which is half of 932, which is half of 1864, which was the year the first submarine sinks an enemy vessel. Coincidence?
	Posted by Socky on 30 Nov 2009.

"When working in an office at an American summer camp, I was asked by one of the camp counsellors to send a fax for him. As I dialled the number and put the fax in the machine, he watched, furrowed his brow, thought for a minute and then said: "Oh, I get it - it reads it, it doesn't send the bit of paper down the line?!"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Contributed by Kirstym
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"How do the phases of the moon influence tides?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What time of night does the Loch Ness monster surface and who feeds it?" (Tourist to tour guide)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	1 AM usually. We locals give it some fish and some other junk to appease the creature. It's late tonight. It must've eaten another tourist.
	Posted by Socky on 13 Jan 2010.

"Was this man-made?" (Tourist at the Grand Canyon National Park)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Why, yes! A long lost civilization constructed this huge canyon for no apparent reason. Archeologists are still trying to figure out the canyon's purpose.
	Posted by Socky on 3 Jan 2010.

""The disappointment telling the children that the reindeer could not fly was incredible…you must state this clearly in your brochure in future." (UK tourist in Lapland)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	... because (cough, whisper) I didn't know, myself, till we got there"
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all." (Tourist complaint)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Do you think we might need a "Travel" category too...?
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"ok im kinda worryed here since my g/f got pregnant and all she isnt been havein her period do u think the baby is drinkin the blood??? she 6 month pregnant" (Yahoo answers)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	superb reasoning! he deserves a prize - the baby's a vampire!
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" (Pop star Christina Aguilera)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Golfer, giving award acceptance speech)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

TV illusionist Derren Brown correctly 'predicted' the National Lottery results last week (his prediction was only shown after the numbers were announced, funnily enough). Though a surprisingly small number of people seem to believe he did it with actual magic, the Great British Public have been busily revealing their stupidity ever since as they try to work out how he pulled off the trick. Best explanation I've heard so far is: "They obviously filmed him doing all the possible combinations beforehand, then showed the right one."
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This programme was repeated last night - hopefully it'll inspire a new mass outbreak of stupid.
	Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010.

Passenger to flight attendant: "So what kind of animal is a UHT?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

US interviewer: "In the War on Terror, who do you think should be the next we invade?" US interviewee #1: "Uhhh...I'm thinking Italy." US interviewee #2: "Canada." US interviewee #3: "Probably France." US interviewer: "France? Why do you say France?" US interviewee #3: "There just seems to be some friction between France and the United States."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

US interviewer: "Which countries are in the Axis of Evil?" US interviewee #1: "Uhh, I know Germany is one of them. I don't know any of the others." US interviewee #2: "OK. California?" US interviewee #3: "New York." US interviewee #4: "Jerusalem." US interviewer: "There's more than one..." US interviewee #4: "I think all of them."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

Interviewer: "What is al Qaeda?" Interviewee: "Al Qaeda is a group, a suicide group in Israel in the the Middle East. They do suicide bombs and stuff. And the president of it is Yasser Arafat - everybody knows that."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, Jews have been blamed for a lot of things over the years. But at least accusing Israel of being Islamic fundamentalists led by a dead Palestinian is unique.
	Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.
	This is that idiot from the CNNNN report. It's the best part of the whole report. How the hell did he get his facts right so badly and then falsely justify them.
	Posted by Tiger on 5 Nov 2009.
	Well, I.. I.. I'm speechless.
	Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.

"Can your baby get pregnant if you have sex while pregnant? Like if you are pregnant with a baby girl, and you have sex while you are pregnant, can the sperm go up in there and impregnate the baby?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes, definitely.
	Posted by Socky on 2 Oct 2009.
	aww, sweet :-)
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"How is anyone still alive in Europe with all the atheists there?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Zombie: "BRAAAAAAAINS!" Atheist: "GOOOOOOOODS!"
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 20 Oct 2009.

<wecell> new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time. <DigDug> wecell : What are you using right now? <wecell> i've always used windows machines.
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"They've been treating these chimps as less than human..." (US senator speaking on animal rights)
Posted by JT on 4 Oct 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	...while they should have obviously been treated as the superior creatures they are.
	Posted by Socky on 4 Oct 2009.
	Chimps? Superior? You're thinking of orang-utans!
	Posted by JT on 5 Oct 2009.

"What Day I Will Combine My Hamster To Her Father?" (Blurtit.com)
Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	International Mesocricetine(?) Incest Day is on 12th August, I believe.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Oct 2009.
	A date both noted in my diary and eagerly anticipated every year.
	Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009.

"Why do people have buggers in their nose?" (sic)
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Where else would you keep them?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 25 Oct 2009.
	In the Parker's Piece public toilets?
	Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009.
	Because boogers do not belong to people's noses, they belong to public parks.
	Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.

"question mystery about snakes hum??? I don't mean to sound creepy or inappropriate but its something that I been bathold about for awhile now. Ok snakes have baby's right so they get pregnant right well how in the world does a snake do that when there is no way to bump and grind. how do they get pregnant or take a dump do they even have a a** hole? Do they have one or not or does this all happen and come out of there mouth because it eats right so it must have waste? and how about getting pregnant and also taking a dump? 2 Things weird huh. have you ever thought about this I did when i was watching animal planet one time."
Posted by JT on 7 Nov 2009. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Animal Planet failed somewhat in its mission to educate, it seems.
	Posted by JT on 7 Nov 2009.
	How is babby formed How snake get pragnent
	Posted by It's you on 13 Nov 2009.
	WHAT? Seriously, this guy makes NO SENSE.
	Posted by Socky on 14 Nov 2009.
	Drunkards..
	Posted by Moosh on 14 Nov 2009.
	Snakes kind of brake open and the cock comes out an then it is in the girl and for some reason it looks like rape because she tries to get away and he won't let go until he is finished.I saw it on a children's show on a children's channel in England I swear.It's true.And they don't take a crap because they don't get fat and they absorb everything.
	Posted by Ericlordloss on 10 Jan 2010.

"Someone's e-mailed in...it's from Helvetica Bold. What a great name..." (Radio 1 DJ)
Posted by JT on 19 Nov 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	My cousin is named Helvetica Italic. Maybe they know each other!
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 22 Nov 2009.

I am a teacher.two students in my class were diagnosed wid swne flu. do i need to get tested. i have no sympto? (sic)
Posted by JT on 21 Nov 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I hope you're not an English teacher.
	Posted by JT on 21 Nov 2009.

"A pet wild bear bites more than just the hand that feeds it at 8..." (TV announcer. Is the bear a pet or is it wild?)
Posted by JT on 5 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How do i ask my mom to wear a thong? I wanna ask my mom for a thong and i honestly dont know if shell be cool about it or not i cant go buy one cuz she constantly snoops in my drawers...i cant do my own laundry cuz she will find out eventually...she works at the underwear store jockey so i could ask her for one while shes working..bt wht do i say..i dont wanna be sexy i just dont want panty lines."
Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I seriously suggest rephrasing the first sentence in this...
	Posted by JT on 12 Dec 2009.

Exam question: "What are Vivaldi's Four Seasons?" Answer: "Salt, pepper, vinegar, curry powder."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

Answer in History exam: "The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I wish I could vote twice.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.

"Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100ft clipper."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Wouldn't you revolt?
	Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.
	Sounds pretty revolting to me. (Well, someone had to make that pun.)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 18 Dec 2009.

"How do I report a website for stealing?"
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	"Did you get a good look at the website, madam? We'll create a photofit and send it out to our patrol cars..."
	Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009.

"Is my babby too young to sit on Satan's lap? Hes 5 but still in dipers. I dont want to waste the Poloroid if he aint going to sit still. May be I should take him AFTER we go to KFC?"
Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009. (5) (2) Permalink Tweet
	No idea if the typo is genuine or not. However, I've left the question unedited and the rest of the spelling suggests it just might be.
	Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009.

"Why did my goldfish die? We used water conditioner and products to put in the water to kill white spot fungus, and also to turn bad bacteria good."
Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	What does it do? Put the "bad" bacteria in detention and give them a stiffly-worded lecture on how they need to change their ways?
	Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009.

"Are there famous people that are buried there in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What was Shakespeare's email address?" (answered with "I don't know........shakespeare@yahoo.com?")
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_was_sh...)
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If America is a free country why do people try to sell you stuff?"
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why can't people live on earth?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_can%27t...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Because it's full of toxic oxygen.
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"What is the best cleaning product for getting semen out of my cat's fur?" (Yahoo Answers)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Lick it off, sucker.
	Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.
	I would have thought sandblasting would be quite effective, but if this doesn't shift it, try hydrofluoric acid.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
	Or hydrochloric acid.
	Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.

"I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?"
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Ask a witch.
	Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.

"Help - my girlfriend is a pregant virgin! ...me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for some time...we took chastity vows. One day, she says "I'm pregnant" and I looked at her belly and realized SHE IS!!! She says she's still a virgin - what could be going on? Seriously help?!!?!??!"
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Congratulations! Your girlfriend is carrying the new Messiah!
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.
	The second coming is nigh.
	Posted by Moosh on 2 Jan 2010.
	Maybe she sat on a warm toilet seat?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.

"My friend told me that a few years ago a man was bit by a spider and strange things started happening to him. Is Spiderman based on this? If so, does anyone know exactly when this happened?"
(From http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I think you were the one bitten by a spider.
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"My foreskin is still attached to my penis. will it remove on its own? when? i am 21"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I'm impressed he actually knows what "foreskin" refers to. At least, I hope he does.
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
	Yes. One day it'll just pop off and go seek a fortune for itself in the big wide world.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"can i still go horse riding if i have braces ????? I have only been riding for a couple of months and i luv it loadz, bt im getting braces in a couple of days. i was just wondering if they will affect my riding"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	As long as the horse isn't magnetic.
	Posted by Ghost on 3 Jan 2010.
	I'm a cowboy / on a steel horse I ride / I'm wanted (wanted) / dead.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"Can my gameboy get the Swine Flu Virus? My game-boy keeps freezing, and my friend said that electronic devices can get the Swine Flu. What should I do?"
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Find smarter friends?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
	Reminds me of all the people who went to the doctor's in 1999/2000, worried they'd caught the millennium bug.
	Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.

"How old is eminim the raper??" (sic)
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	That's a simple typo and we all make them, be we stupid or otherwise. But what a classic!
	Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.
	Reminds me of this famous one: "Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men." I think it came from one of the many lists of supposedly-genuine exam answers.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
	Alomg similar lines, I saw a t-shirt online once depicting a curiously Manga-influenced Afro-Caribbean man, with the slogan "RAPING."
	Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.

News headline: "Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

News: "Student excited dad got head job" (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bTfLDYOdsRU...+excited+dad+got+head+job.jpg)
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is a reformed rabbi?"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	A vicar?
	Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.
	The opposite of reformed ham?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Jan 2010.

"Can anyone tell me what the ship is called in The Mutiny on the Bounty?"
Posted by JT on 9 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

Job advert found online: "English tutors/teachers. You made be a retired teacher looking for some extra work, You may have a permanent job and looking to earn a extra income or a teacher looking for some extra work during the holidays. You will be required to teach: Small groups of children no more than 5 English for sessions of 80Minute's." It's not the kids that need teaching!
Posted by JT on 13 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	as u can c there is lot's of work 4 englsh teachrz 2 do in the mdrn wrld.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 13 Jan 2010.

"Which scientist having 12% capacity of brain?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 18 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	All of 'em.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 19 Jan 2010.

"Where does Fraisier Crane practice now...? Hi I'm having some very personal issues with my family and friends and I loose it in the street and scream at the shopkeep, kick my cats etc...I saw his television programme he seemed very intelligent and cultured. Does anyone know where he works now etc?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 29 Jan 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	For the uninitiated: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frasier
	Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.

"Why [does] a person fall toward the earth when he falls from height? An apple is so near to the surface where the g (accelration due to gravity) is highest but it also fall after a very lagre time but when a person falls from a height their the g is also less and his inertia is also more as compared to a apple." (sic)
Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	It's because the Earth's mass is about 5973.6 yottagrammes. I think you're making the mistake of equating a sphere with a point particle, resulting in misguided and irrelevant comparisons.
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.

"Why are there chickens on the moon?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_the...)
Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	I've been asking that same question for a long time.
	Posted by Socky on 30 Jan 2010.
	It's the Martian goats that puzzle me most.
	Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010.
	That would've been funnier if you didn't post the link. The question is in the category for the game "Harvest Moon," which does in fact have chickens.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 31 Jan 2010.
	Ah, I see - I've never heard of Harvest Moon and so had no idea (this is not the first time my unfamiliarity with popular culture has caused me to post something that turns out not be quite a stupid as it at first seemed).
	Posted by JT on 1 Feb 2010.
	Oh, don't worry, it's plenty stupid.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Feb 2010.

"With his bald head, rat-like teeth and bat's ears, Count Orlock looks like a penis with teeth." - Presumably oddly-penised "expert" talking about movie vampires.
Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Bald head? Check. Bat's ears? Errrr...
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Feb 2010.
	I notice you don't query the rat-like teeth...
	Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010.
	Never having seen a penis with teeth, I have no idea whether it's normal for such teeth to be rat-like.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Feb 2010.
	Now I've seen a ferret's penis, any penis would have to be unimaginably exotic to seem odd to me.
	Posted by JT on 12 Feb 2010.

"To pass a drug test is it possible! To drink a table spoon of bleach added to a glass of water?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You'd escape prosecution if the test later proved positive - but only because no court would bother trying a corpse.
	Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010.

"You're a f*cking Jew - and so is your mother!" (Somewhat dim antisemite)
Posted by JT on 21 Feb 2010. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet
	My mother's a buddhist.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Feb 2010.

"What are some good things to do with my vagina?"
Posted by JT on 28 Feb 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

Does a 1kg gold bar way [sic] less than, the same as or more than a 1kg platinum bar?"
Posted by JT on 14 Mar 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Despite their wealth, it appears the very rich are just as stupid as poor people and still fall for the old ton of feathers/ton of lead conundrum.
	Posted by JT on 14 Mar 2010.

"Who'd pay five quid for that? It's broken!" - Entirely serious member of the public looking at a 30cm tall reproduction of the Venus de Milo that I was selling on a market stall.
(From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_de...)
Posted by JT on 18 Mar 2010. (5) (2) Permalink Tweet
	Now that you mention it - Why is she missing her arms? Did some psychopathic maniac cut them off?
	Posted by Socky on 18 Mar 2010.
	She was a compulsive nail-biter.
	Posted by JT on 19 Mar 2010.

Do ferrets give birth?
Posted by JT on 5 Apr 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Nope. They lay eggs.
	Posted by Socky on 5 Apr 2010.
	I'm considering a Nature category. We've got a lot of animal related quotes scattered all over the place at the moment. Maybe they should be given a good home.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 7 Apr 2010.
	Actually, I was going to suggest that. I've been putting most of them in Science, but they do need their own, I think.
	Posted by JT on 8 Apr 2010.

"My computer is very very slow today, do you think it is clogged with volcanic ash?"
(From http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/...)
Posted by JT on 17 Apr 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note for foreigners: hard-of-thinking people in the UK are currently blaming ash from an Icelandic volcano for all sorts of things.
	Posted by JT on 17 Apr 2010.

"I'm 5 months pregant. I had viewed porn sites. Will it affect my baby in any way?" (from Yahoo Answers)
Posted by JT on 19 Apr 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Only if you name her Jenna Jameson.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 19 Apr 2010.

"Does Hydrogen cause things to be metal? if i place hydrogen in front of sulfate it makes it hydrogen sulfate which is a metal so does placing hydrogen infront of other elements make them metal?"
Posted by JT on 22 Apr 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I assume this is a question from someone's GCSE Alchemy homework.
	Posted by JT on 22 Apr 2010.
	Alchemy: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Apr 2010.

"How can it be a French dictionary if it says 'Oxford' on the front cover?"
Posted by JT on 22 May 2010. (4) (1) Permalink Tweet

"I don't believe Nature could produce that level of detail..." (So-called "expert" attempting to argue that so-called "photographic evidence" of a so-called "ghost" must prove conclusively that ghosts "exist" because Nature is apparently incapable of producing anything so detailed as a human face).
Posted by JT on 1 Jun 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	He's a creationist!
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jun 2010.
	Well, obviously. Only God can create a human face. If you believe Nature could have done it, you must be one of those evil pagans.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 1 Jun 2010.

"You're Breakfast." (Sign on snack van parked alongside the A23 just outside Brighton)
Posted by JT on 18 Jun 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"...in a worrying report which suggests that children with internet access are more likely to be targeted by cyberbullies..." (heard on the radio)
Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"American companies are crossbreeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully-functioning human brains." (Christine O'Donnell, Republican Party Senate nominee)
Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Whereas she is a human with a fully functioning mouse brain.
	Posted by Subtle Increase in Gravitas on 5 Apr 2011.

"Can I get AIDS from swimming with black people?" (Enter "Can I get AIDS from" into Google and see for yourself)
Posted by JT on 2 Dec 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, possibly. Are you swimming in Africa?
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 5 Dec 2010.

"If people like you had their way we would never have invented planes (its impossible to fly...duh) And while your at it learn to spell."
(From http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/...)
Posted by JT on 7 Dec 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	IIIIIIIIIRONY
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 7 Dec 2010.

"The [Leica] M9 Titanium's reworked body is made of solid titanium, as is the 35mm lens." (Autocar magazine, 10/11/10)
Posted by JT on 27 Dec 2010. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How long is it until you can be fairly confident that your tropical fish won't die?"
Posted by JT on 14 Feb 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, I heard that if it's still alive after a year then it has achieved immortality. and will NEVER die.
	Posted by JT on 14 Feb 2011.
	Reminds me of a poster common in British maternity hospitals in the early 80s which said "THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF LIFE ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS." Most examples had the words "THE LAST FIVE CAN BE FAIRLY DICEY, TOO" added to them within minutes.
	Posted by JT on 14 Feb 2011.

"We've been together for two weeks now - it's FaceBook official." (Teenager talking about her latest boyfriend)
Posted by JT on 6 Mar 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This isn't actually stupid - merely a sign of the world that today's teenagers live in. However, I still think it deserves a place here simply because it made me seriously question whether or not somebody rapidly approaching middle age (me) really wants to live in that world.
	Posted by JT on 6 Mar 2011.

"I don't care what you or the calculator say - my maths is a lot better than yours, young man, and £1.29, 50p, £1.99, £2.49 and £3.09 do not make £9.36."
Posted by JT on 15 Mar 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It's been a long and tiring day. I've said it before and I'll say it again - retail would be a perfectly good job if only it wasn't for having to sell stuff to people.
	Posted by JT on 15 Mar 2011.
	Do you get to bar people from the shop for being too stupid?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 16 Mar 2011.
	That's precisely why I need to have my own shop.
	Posted by JT on 16 Mar 2011.

"If you want to enjoy a successful acting career, the first rule you must remember is never pretend to be someone you're not."
Posted by JT on 20 Mar 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If telepathy doesn't exist how do we hear ourselves think?"
Posted by JT on 26 Apr 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Your dad's called Richard too...? Was he named after you...?"
Posted by JT on 24 Aug 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"This film is racist against the EDL..."
Posted by JT on 5 Sep 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

INDIAN STYLE Chinese vegetable fried rice
Posted by JT on 28 Oct 2011. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Real-life Titanic" (News headline following the capsizing of the Concordia)
Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2012. (3) (0) Permalink Tweet

The Pope's, like, Prince Charles' helper, isn't he?
Posted by JT on 18 Aug 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the value of an 1881 bible written by george v jones worth?" (answer: "If it proves that The Bible was written by George V. Jones in 1881, it's absolutely priceless. Especially if you offer it to the Vatican first, so they can burn it and make sure the news never gets out." From WikiAnswers)
Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Who invented haunted houses?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Question/Who_...)
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Einstein?
	Posted by Socky on 19 Nov 2009.

"Why are the ghosts in Pacman evil?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_the...)
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I'm so gonna get a banhammer from that site for going around answering all the stupid questions with stupid answers...
	Posted by DaveK on 17 Sep 2009.
	I've been trying to do the same - but, remarkably, I keep getting awarded trust points!
	Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009.

"What is 13 and 7 tenths expressed as a decimal?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

Do tigers reproduce sexually or asexually?
Posted by JT on 30 Aug 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How can a 13 year old improve her chances of getting pregnant?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	By walking into the house of a pedophile.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"What would be the disadvantage of a backbone made of one bone?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Please this isnt a joke the devil is haunting my dreams i awoke with a scratch on my arm from the dream whoever tells me how to stop him you are a saint?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet

"Is an egg an element?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Nobody cares.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Were humans around before mammals?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	There are none better!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 13 Sep 2009.
	What about telepathy?
	Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	A classic, but still a good one. "Politics" category? Or is it too similar to "People"?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 13 Sep 2009.
	Was thinking the same - it'll be a handy place to shovel all the billions of Bushisms we're going to get before long, too.
	Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.

Yank No1: "Hey look, that's Anne Frank House!" Yank No2: "Wow. Err, who's Anne Frank?" Yanks No1: "Duh! Don't you know that? It was Hitler's wife!" (Contributed by Old Rocker)
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The text formatting looks a bit better now I think...
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 14 Sep 2009.

Question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire TV show: "Which is largest? A: a peanut, B: an elephant, C:the moon, D: a kettle." Contestant: "B: an elephant." (Contributed by happyted)
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are Jews afraid of?"
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_je...
	Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009.
	Clickable links! Wahey.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 14 Sep 2009.

"Can you get on a high from soy milk?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	That could explain why it is that so many vegans talk utter nonsense, I suppose.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Who is responsible for war?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note: Mrs. Agnes Hillingdon, aged 84 of Welwyn Garden City in Hertfordshire, has been shown to be responsible for all wars between the Peloponnesian War (431-404 BC) to the present.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	the illuminati!
	Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.
	my dad
	Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.

Family Fortunes: "Name a word beginning with Q?" Contestant: "Cute." Family Fortunes: "A month in Spring?" Contestant: "Summer." Family Fortunes: "Something you often misplace in your car?" Contestant: "Steering wheel."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

Q:How many wheels does a unicycle have? A: Two. Q: Which letter of the alphabet sounds exactly the same as the term for a female sheep? A: Baa. Q: In nature, most unripe fruit is which colour, purple or green? A: Plum. Q: The term 'Rubenesque' derives from which 17th Century artist? A: Aretha Franklin. (From The Weakest Link game show, BBC)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

On a bus about a year ago, I had two girls of about 17 years behind me. One was saying to the other that her mum was teaching her to cook. The other one said, "Wow, wish I could cook. What's she teaching you?" The first replied, "we're doing McCains oven chips tonight."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	contributor - Free Will.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"How many horses does it take to pull the moon?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Don't just sit there, go and find out!
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.
	According to Feynman, it's actually pushed by angels. He may have been speaking figuratively...
	Posted by JT on 29 Nov 2009.

"Did they eat in World War 2?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Did_thay_ea...)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, those that didn't typically died of starvation.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?" (Tourist to tour guide)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?" (Tourist at the Mesa Verde National Park)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Sorry. No.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Why on Earth did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path to Heathrow?" (Tourist - almost certainly American - to tour guide)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If this had been built in America they would have put an elevator in." (US tourist visiting Epheseus, an ancient amphitheatre in Turkey)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake." (Tourist complaint to travel agency)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Hmm. A "Complaints" category, perhaps?
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	But called what? People will assume "Complaints" is what they need to click if they want to complain about WIF...
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	I think it fits in "Travel" with the other recent submissions.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	Fair enough - but I think there might be a place for it in the future, because shop staff and sales assistants have to meet the public face-to-face far more than anyone would choose so we may get several submissions of that type in future.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home." (Tourist complaint)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yeah, that has to do with the Earth rotation.
	Posted by Socky on 17 Jan 2010.

"I generally don't like England that much." (Prince Harry, third in line to the English throne)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	I think naming names is acceptable in this case, don't you? ;-)
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Well, I'm sure it's in the public domain already. That said, is there any particular reason why he shouldn't dislike England? And if he does dislike England (which he has a perfect right to do), why shouldn't he be honest about it? Another [-] from me I'm afraid.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	As a possible (probable?) future king, he's expected to act as ambassador for the country and to sing its praises.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Maybe by some people, but I'm not much of a royalist personally, and I don't think they should be obliged to have particular opinions purely because of who they are.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	Me neither - but it's what they're expected to do in return for the money they get from the civil list. To me, it's much like a baker refusing to bake bread.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Nah, we pay to maintain them because they're a quaint national treasure, much like a cathedral, or a nature reserve. Or a kind of living museum. :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	er...by which I mean, a stupid thing to say.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	I still reckon they'd pay their way a lot better if we beheaded one of them annually in Trafalgar Square and charged the Yanks and Japanese £100,000 each to watch.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Heck, I'd watch that. I should make it clear that no-one in England likes the royals much - it's only the foreigners who don't have to pay for them who enjoy the soap opera that they provide.
	Posted by Destrii on 9 Jan 2010.

"As humans we speak one language..."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The language of the vibrations of the cosmic harmonies of luuuurve, man?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	Like, dude...that's totally deep and stuff.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"At the finish, it was all over."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Was it? Was it REALLY?
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 21 Jan 2010.

BBC newsreader: "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Oh my god, seriously? To hell with live playback.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future."
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How many planets are there in the world?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_pl...)
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Can you suck milk from hamsters nipples?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes. Yes you can.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.
	Only if they're pubescent!
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
	Bloody Hell, I've swallowed the whole hamster.
	Posted by Moosh on 13 Nov 2009.

Tourist: "Who's that on top of Nelson's Column?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does the ship generate its own power?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	If it's a creationist ship, maybe.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"We'll be eight degrees hotter in 10 – not 10, but in 30 or 40 years. And basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died, and the rest of us will be cannibals."
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Now I'm really confused...
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

Tourist in London: "When do the clowns come on at Piccadilly Circus?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is the earth at a different angle in the morning than it is at night? In the morning I have to put something against the front door to hold it open. At night, it stays open by itself."
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	While the Earth's angular momentum does change over time, this would hardly have any effect on your door. No my friend, your door bears a dreadful curse. You might want to call the Ghostbusters.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.
	Or a carpenter.
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.

Lawyer to client: "The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If it's high tide on this side of the island, does that mean it's low tide on the other side, and where does all the water go?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	The water is magically teleported to a dimension where gnomes rule the world.
	Posted by Socky on 18 Nov 2009.

"Why would a fox need grass?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_would_a...)
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	For chillin', man!
	Posted by fred on 21 Sep 2009.

Q: "Which Iraqi is most responsible for the country's upheaval?" A: "Yusuf Islam."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note: Yusuf Islam is better-known as Cat Stevens.
	Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.

"What happens when a werewolf gets a fairy pregnant?"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It gives birth to a fairwolf. Or maybe a wary?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Oct 2009.
	I am very wary of fairwolves.
	Posted by Socky on 6 Oct 2009.
	cough chuck norris cough
	Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.

"Irish houses - what are they used for?" (from Wikianswers)
Posted by JT on 21 Oct 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note: someone answered with "Storage. We sleep in tents in the garden."
	Posted by JT on 21 Oct 2009.

Sign in opticians: "Eyes examined while you wait."
Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Damn. Can't I come back later when you've done it?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Oct 2009.

"...and in Albany today they had twelve inches of snow. That's about a foot." (US weather forecaster)
Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I wished to be a mermaid? I used a website to make a wish-to be a mermaid. If my wish comes true, how can I keep it a secret because I have to touch water every week in cooking class. Can anyone give me any answers/advice?"
Posted by JT on 29 Oct 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	But why would you want to keep it a secret? Don't you want to seduce all the boys with that sexy tail of yours?
	Posted by Socky on 27 Nov 2009.
	Get into Second Life, I know lots of mermaids there.
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"Green is usually considered a different colour to blue..."
Posted by JT on 31 Oct 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	there are exeptions, you know..
	Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.

"What are the causes of severely bitten nails?"
Posted by JT on 9 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	They're usually caused by a severe mermaid vampire infestation.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 9 Dec 2009.

English exam question: "Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning." Answer: "Hands that judicious can be as soft as your face..."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

Genuine answer given in exam: "Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Before giving a blood transfusion find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

Answer given in Human Biology exam: "To prevent contraception, wear a condominium."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

Answer given in Biology exam: "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

Answer given in Science exam: "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"In a Year 8 History class, we had been told about some famous guy (I can't remember who) who had been killed after having been whacked over the head, breaking his skull open. We then read that "the martyr lay on the floor". We then had a test. It asked us what a "martyr" was. I wrote that it was "the stuff that comes out of your head when it is broken open".
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

History exam Q:"Name a contemporary of Shakespeare." Genuine answer: "Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are tigers dangerous?"
Posted by JT on 21 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Why don't you ask Roy from Segfried & Roy?
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"My wife wants to eat her placenta. Is it ok if she is vegan?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Sure. Veganism doesn't forbid self-cannibalism.
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"Does anyone know if it's possible to use a background that would essentially turn my computer monitor into a mirror? Scanning a mirror doesn't work."
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Use magic!
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.
	Just turn it off. Idiot.
	Posted by Moosh on 31 Dec 2009.
	I wonder if this came from the same idiot who came up with this one: http://www.whoinventedfoxes.com/submi...
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
	^ I did too :-)
	Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.

"Wat's so bad about 9/11? all day at school today we had to go to assemblies and marches and a bunch of stupid ****. what is so bad about this particular day? yeah the twin towers fell. that was like 20 years ago. you dont see us celebrating 2pac's death every year after he died. my point is, why do we still care?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I feel really sorry for this guy. I really do.
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"This old man on the street told me today that when two people have sex it is possible for them to produce a dog if the mother eats dog food during the growth of the zygote. apparently the dog food contains DNA that can fuse with the DNA of the zygote, mutating it, causing it to grow and function as a dog...not sure how to determine the breed though. I am with the old man and think this is highly possible. what do you think?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (4) (2) Permalink Tweet

"Is she pregnant? My gf and i made love on the webcam while chatting. She's in a different state. We both had orgasm. (Audience Discretion Please) A little bit anxious about the pregnancy though. We're not that ready. Please serious answers."
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I wouldn't worry unduly - webcams have been proved to be a very effective form of contraception.
	Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.

"Why do oranges always roll away from me?"
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. (4) (2) Permalink Tweet
	With a face like that, who wouldn't?
	Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Jan 2010.

"Where will the next successful attack on the US take place?"
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2010. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	America?
	Posted by Balo on 24 Jan 2010.
	Wow. With sources as good as yours, you ought to work for the CIA.
	Posted by JT on 24 Jan 2010.

"Don't you want children?" "Perhaps, one day." "Don't you think you're leaving it a bit late at 24?"
Posted by JT on 18 Jan 2010. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet

"Was Alfred Lord Tennyson a vampyre?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Was_Alfred_...)
Posted by JT on 25 Jan 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why do people hate Scorpios so much? If you think about it we are all human."
Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	If you think about it, astrology is bollocks.
	Posted by JT on 8 Feb 2010.

"What type of hamster is my Syrian hamster?"
Posted by JT on 20 Feb 2010. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Well it's certainly not Syrian, I can tell you that.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 21 Feb 2010.
	Could be a Lebanese one - these foreign rodents all look the same to me. Come over 'ere eatin' our sunflower seeds - send 'em back to the petshop they came from, that's what I say.
	Posted by JT on 21 Feb 2010.

"Is there a way that we can throw out the whole government and replace it?" (Posted on a Q&A site based in the UK, where there'll be a General Election in a few months' time)
Posted by JT on 7 Mar 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Coup d'état anyone?
	Posted by Socky on 7 Mar 2010.
	...yes.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 9 Mar 2010.
	I'll have two if you're offering.
	Posted by JT on 9 Mar 2010.

When I was a kid, I had two cats - a brown one called Fred and another called Snowy who was, unsurprisingly, pure white. One day, a friend from school visited my house and saw the two cats asleep side by side on the sofa. "Which one's Snowy?" he asked.
Posted by JT on 15 Mar 2010. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet
	The invisible one. Obviously.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 16 Mar 2010.

Paris Hilton on ferrets: "...they're not the most intelligent animals..."
Posted by JT on 15 Apr 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This shouldn't be funny as it's just a personal opinion (a wrong one, IMO, but all the same. But, coming from her...
	Posted by JT on 15 Apr 2010.
	Do you think they are the most intelligent animals?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Apr 2010.
	Well, humans are supposedly the most intelligent animals. However, the vast majority of humans I meet are less intelligent than the majority of ferrets I meet. Therefore...
	Posted by JT on 16 Apr 2010.

"These submarines shouldn't run aground. Something must have gone wrong." (British military expert commenting on HMS Astute, a nuclear submarine which ran aground)
Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This reminds me of our first ever submission: http://www.whoinventedfoxes.com/submi... Haven't seen much of Fred for a while, I wonder what happened to him :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Nov 2010.
	I heard a rumour (online, so it must be true) that he sold this website and us as a job lot to ICHC. He got nearly two quid for it, apparently.
	Posted by JT on 2 Nov 2010.
	Hmm, now where did I put that share option certificate...
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Nov 2010.

"Is it okay if I draw a picture of Jesus as a manly man instead of an effeminate long haired quiche eater?"
Posted by JT on 11 Nov 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Not stupid at all - but I thought it'd get a few laughs on here all the same!
	Posted by JT on 11 Nov 2010.

"Is Quebec in the city of Ireland?"
Posted by JT on 18 Nov 2010. (3) (1) Permalink Tweet

Quiz show host: "What does five squared equal?" Contestant: "In my day it was 5x5, but I wonder if it may be the same as five cubed now..."
Posted by JT on 20 Dec 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Media reports suggest that 60% of Australia's population is overweight or obese. Other reports indicate rising sea levels. Is it possible that these two factors have a bearing on each other? In other words, the continent is sinking due to the excess weight of the population." (Comment News, Perth, WA)
Posted by JT on 27 Dec 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	...and they say global warming is a fanciful theory.
	Posted by JT on 27 Dec 2010.
	This idea has been suggested before... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTEOK4...
	Posted by poppy on 7 Jan 2011.

"That's Himalayan salt, it doesn't contain sodium."
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Potassium chloride is sometimes sold as "salt substitute", and tastes very similar to table salt. As for "Himalayan salt"... a bit of Googling doesn't find much about its detailed composition, but does find a lot of material that wouldn't be out of place here... such as "Crystal salt is immune to electromagnetic fields", and "Himalayan salt is called white gold because it contains ions of stored sunlight." Jeezus!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Dec 2010.
	OK, ignore my first comment - Himalayan salt is indeed, as you'd expect, mostly NaCl. [+]
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 30 Dec 2010.
	...and stored sunlight.
	Posted by JT on 4 Jan 2011.

"I just think it [homosexuality] is unnatural." "What do you mean by that?" "Well, you don't get gay animals." "Actually, you do - one in five male mallard ducks are gay." "Ducks aren't animals." (Conversation with a customer)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2010. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	That's right! They live in the river, which makes them fish; and every vegetarian knows that fish don't really count as meat, so they can't be animals, can they?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 31 Dec 2010.
	"You got somebody, he’s really weird, and his sexual orientation is that he likes to have sex with ducks. Is he protected under hate crime?" - Pat Robertson
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 31 Dec 2010.
	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI... (The song's irritating, but the brunette one's cute.)
	Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2011.
	I assume he was one of these people (all too common, and a strong argument in favour of regular culling IMO) that confuses "animals" with "mammals." On the other hand, it's also just within the realm of possibility that he knows something we don't; i.e. that all ducks are in fact robots.
	Posted by JT on 5 Jan 2011.

"I'm here to represent children who have been abused by various organs of the Catholic Church..." (spokesperson on the BBC)
Posted by JT on 6 Feb 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I saw this one in Private Eye last night. I saw it here first, though. Another first for Who Invented Foxes!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Feb 2011.
	Yeah, they've been copying us. Couldn't possibly be the other way round, of course, even if I do happen to be a newsagent and thus able to get a look at magazines before the general public can buy them. :-)
	Posted by JT on 22 Feb 2011.

"is england a country or a town?"
Posted by JT on 23 Feb 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The amount of consciousness a creature has is directly prepositional to the size and structure of it's brain."
Posted by JT on 26 Feb 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Spelling chequer mishap? I can believe that if you typed "preportional" it might get corrected to "prepositional". Of course that doesn't really make it any more sensible. :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Feb 2011.

"How can a heart attack affect sports performance?"
Posted by JT on 11 May 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Man found dead in cemetery" (http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Home/...)
Posted by JT on 19 May 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"my seven months old kitten only eat meat and cream she is very weak what shuld i do so that she start eating bread"
Posted by JT on 22 May 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Take her back to the shop and get a dog instead?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 23 May 2011.

"I'd rather be street-wise than know the capital of Rome."
Posted by JT on 9 Oct 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Nice weather in sweden but cold as hell!!!"
Posted by JT on 13 Oct 2011. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"FEDERAL AGENTS RAID GUN STORE, FIND WEAPONS"
Posted by JT on 8 Mar 2012. (2) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Four people were killed, one seriously, and eight more received slight injuries" (Japan News)
Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	It's not a serious death unless he owed you money.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Nov 2009.
	One was seriously killed. The other three were killed jokingly, then?
	Posted by Moosh on 19 Nov 2009.

"What device makes ghosts not scary?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	That would be an ectoplasmic descarifier, would it not? Or perhaps a working brain.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Aug 2009.

"How long does it take a body to make worms?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are some things that are made out of science?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What do Earth Scientists primarily study?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How long do cellphone users spend drinking blood?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_long_do...)
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"English sould national lenguge or not?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Im pretty sure most of these Incoherents were 6 years old just finding the wonders of the Internet. ahem porn ahem
	Posted by Tiger on 4 Nov 2009.

"Why is gold mining important?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Because God intended gold to be bright and shiny, but while it's in the ground nobody can see it. So we're doing God's will by digging it up.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 31 Aug 2009.

"Is the Villaroy Museum named after Rob Fearon?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes - and the Fearon Museum is named after Villaroy.
	Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009.

"Why can't I see my reflection in a mirror on television? Why don't mirrors reflect anything when you see them on TV?"
(From http://www.anontalk.com/topic/34171)
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the centre of gravity of an elderly person?"
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The table tennis balls may seem innocuous, Wright said, but they were made of nitrocellulose which could be rendered into an explosive. Copper wire, which could be used to make explosives, was also found." (Two Manchester schoolboys are arrested for plotting to blow up their school. Oddly, police are not worried about the screws holding together the teenagers' bedroom furniture which could be removed and used in pipe bombs).

Posted by JT on 3 Sep 2009.

(1)

(0) Permalink

"Kangaroo fillet? Do you think that'll taste and look like kangaroo?" (From some godawful TV programme)
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How do I find the percentage of my maths test?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Do pornstars get pregnant?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"We're just trying to arouse the driver..." (Officer investigating theft of goods from parked truck reveals a new police service being offered to drivers - from BBC1's "Motorway Cops" TV programme)
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I would not say he is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Hmm... "Sport" category?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 10 Sep 2009.

"Watch the time -it gives you an indication of how fast they are running."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How do you say 'latte' in Italian?"
Posted by JT on 11 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Colleague One: "Does anyone know a good way to get Ribena out of carpet tiles?" Colleague Two: "Why? What's happened?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Contributed by sam i
	Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009.

"He'd be quite good-looking if he wasn't so ugly." (Overheard teenage girls on a bus)
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is there a spell that can turn you into a mermaid in 5 minutes?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the purpose of birds?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why is 1,734 greater than 75?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Poland? That's a city in London isn't it?" (San Francisco cab driver)
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Courtesy of Sannse. :-)
	Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.

"Black people are such fast runners because they have an extra bone in their foot..." (Contributed by DJ Ohmygod)
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	That's Racist!
	Posted by sawblade5 on 26 Feb 2010.

"What is the most likely to be affected by a computer virus?"
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Er...a computer?
	Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009.

"How many people die in the average war?"
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Interviewer: "What is the National Anthem of England?" Man In The Street: "Uh...Kylie or something. I dunno."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does Beethoven have any other musicians in her family?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How do you install a webcam without a CD or webcam?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

My brother once asked me why hand-dryers never seem to run out of air.
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	contributor - Free Will.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

Unknown Person: "Sugar is the only English word in which 'su' is pronounced 'sh.'" Thomas Hardy: "Are you sure?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why did William Seward Burroughs invent the calculator?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Because he needed something to water his plants with.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Which bus do I get from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?" (Tourist to tour guide)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Which direction is North in Australia?" (Tourist to tour guide)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How much of the caves is underground?" (Tourist at the Carlsbad Caverns National Park)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Only the dark bits.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled." (Tourist complaint)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." (Tourist complaint)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The brochure states: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?" (Tourist enquiry)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." (British tourist's complaint to travel agency following foreign holiday)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I made Jesus-shaped pancakes, but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes, you are; and Satan will torture you for the rest of eternity which is exactly would you deserve, you Christ-hating beast.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"Over the last 15 months, we've traveled to every corner of the United States. I've now been in 57 states, I think - one left to go." (President Barack Obama)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"When my sister and I were growing up, there was never any doubt in our minds that men and women were equal, if not more so."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How the f*** am I supposed to get in then?" - Very famous supermodel, on being told that the only available toilet on a photoshoot location had no door.
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"There's a lot of good older players around, but very few."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Yeah, childlessness does tend to run in the family. Maybe it'll skip a generation for you though.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	I've always thought I don't want children, but would one day like to have grandchildren.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"I've got 10 pairs of training shoes - one for every day of the week."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Ah, decimalisation at last!
	Posted by DaveK on 17 Sep 2009.

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something." (Professional basketball player)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	What did we decide re. a politics category in the end?
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Not sure we did decide anything :) I'll put one in - but we're rapidly running out of horizontal space on my screen so I'd rather not keep adding loads.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	I've been giving the categories some thought, actually - I think what we have now pretty much covers everything.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so." (Allegedly, this nugget of wisdom was supplied to a customer by a financial adviser employed at a well known UK bank)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How did people listen to music in 1990's?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, if you young 'uns gather round, I'll tell you all about compact discs...
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	I'm sure it won't be many decades before this is a perfectly sensible question for a youngster to ask.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	notice this asks how did we listen to music, not how we played music...so, with our ears?
	Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.

"Why does dust come out of lights?" - student in my A-level Physics class, observing dust motes in a beam of light.
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." (George W. Bush)
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	We have a general policy of avoiding Bushisms, because they're just too easy, but this is a classic...
	Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009.

American football star: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Doesn't that hurt?" (Supermodel, on suicide bombers)
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The world is more like it is now than it ever was before."
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Oh, that's so true!
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"What did Apollo 11 eat?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Fuel. And lots of it too.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	No! No! It's two kilometres by bird!
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

Overheard American tourist in Edinburgh, on the battlements of Edinburgh Castle, looking out over the Firth of Forth, into Fyfeshire: "Gee, I didn't know Norway was so close!"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Visitor at Osborne House stately home: "How long does life membership last?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

American tourist: "What time is it in America right now?" German railway official: "We are six hours before you, so it is 7 am." American tourist: "That's crazy, how could anybody be before us?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What time is the midnight buffet?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Wait. Let me see. Yes, so we're in that time zone. Um... Ah! It's at 9 O'Clock Coordinated Universal Time.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	And I'd like to play for a Russian club, like Chelsea.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties."
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes. Almost.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"What is Saturn better known as?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why do people use maths?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_do_peop...)
Posted by JT on 19 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Because it makes your head hurt.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 20 Sep 2009.
	Oh, I see. So if you want to take painkillers but don't have a headache, you just do some maths. I'll have to remember that next time I want a headache!
	Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009.

"How was Asia built?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are some bad benefits of using the internet?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are horses invertebrates or vertebrates?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I don't know about their vertebrae, but they sure look like some dangerous reptiles!
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Can girls ride geared bicycles?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How do they get the flags to fly all the same way?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Tourist in London: "What number in Oxford Street is Oxford University?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Tourist in London: "Is it a long walk to Times Square?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Do oysters get bored? How can you tell?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes, they do. If it isn't moving, that's because it's really bored. When that is the case, feel free to put it out of its misery by eating it. They tend to find that very exciting.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.
	Beats me why anyone would want to eat one even if it's fresh - they're like giant, living lumps of snot.
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.

Tourist in the Louvre: "Look, everything is written in French, how arrogant. Typical of the French."
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yeah! How dare they have a language of their own!
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

Customer in bookshop: "Do you have that new book by Bridget Jones?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are Norwegian women pregnant for 15 months because of the cold weather?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Since when do Norwegian women become pregnant?
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.
	There seems to be plenty of Norwegian children. Maybe they're actually juvenile trolls...?
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.
	Maybe they're all imported from China?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 21 Sep 2009.
	Could be, could be. After all, both nations eat a lot of fish - that can't be a mere coincidence.
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.
	How are you so sure they even exist? I've never seen a Norwegian in my life. Maybe they've already gone extinct!
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.
	You could be right - perhaps they're just Swedes in disguise.
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.
	Or perhaps turnips?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 21 Sep 2009.
	How did I know that was coming? :-)
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.

Tourist purchasing ticket for Eurostar (Channel Tunnel) train journey: "Can you see the fish and dolphins through the window?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Only if you stick your head out of the window.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

Tourist to tour guide: "If I ring home, will my mother be there?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	For her sake, I hope she isn't.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

US tourist in Berlin: "Where's the German Embassy?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Has the earth ever been flat?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Has_the_ear...)
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Since when has the Earth not been flat?
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

"Are Mexicans going to take over the world?"
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Most definitely.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

"What is the difference between a short-horned grasshopper and a long-horned grasshopper?"
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Their legs.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

"Why isn't fire considered alive?"
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Can you breed legendarys?"
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_bre...
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.
	Only if you focus on it really really hard.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.
	In Soviet Russia, legendary breeds you.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
	No, but you can breed Fable creatures.
	Posted by Ghost on 1 Nov 2009.
	With the awful spelling and all, it would most likely to be put in the 'WTF' category, but this is a question regarding that fad game "Pokemon".
	Posted by Tiger on 4 Nov 2009.
	Ah, interesting - I suspect we don't have many Pokemon players on WIF and know for a fact that we did not when this one was added. Not so stupid after all, it seems.
	Posted by JT on 5 Nov 2009.

"We're going to be selling these at 25% of the usual full price! That's 75% cheaper than the full price! No, 80%, isn't it?" (Presenter on television shopping channel)
Posted by JT on 23 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the gas used in hot air balloon?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Your farts.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

Australian interviewer: "Name a country that begins with U." American interviewee: "Yugoslavia? Utah? Utopia?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This American knows about the nation of Utopia! And here I was, thinking Americans were terribly ignorant.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.
	JT, I thank you for getting these quotes off the CNNNN show in Australia. I'm still laughing at the ignorance of the Americans.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
	Fantastic, aren't they? Far too good not to appear here.
	Posted by JT on 31 Oct 2009.

Interviewer: "Now that Saddam Hussein is gone, do you support the proposals for his body-doubles to be executed too?" Interviewee: "Absolutely." Interviewer: "Because they look guilty?" Interviewee: "The hell with him and everybody who looks like him."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Let me guess. An American, right?
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

Gameshow host: "Gloria, how many decades will your husband say his mother has lived?" Gloria: "Gee, I dunno. Ten decades." (Gloria's husband Gerald is brought back into the room). Host: "How many decades has your mother lived? Gerald, you have a troubled look on your face?" Gerald: "Oh, I don't know what a decade is. Er, it was her 44th birthday, so she'd be ten decades." (Gloria and Gerald, having given the same answer, win the prize).
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Looks like they won the prize of a permanent place in the hallowed records of Fred, too!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 26 Sep 2009.
	They deserve it! Note that I didn't feel the need to point out that it was an American gameshow ;-)
	Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.

"Why is your goldfishes butt turning red when he poops?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Have you been feeding him vindaloo?
	Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.
	More to the point, why have you been spying on my goldfish?
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"Can deaf people hear themselves think?"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	No really, if someone has been deaf their whole life, how could they know what a human voice sounds like? So would their thoughts make any sound at all?
	Posted by Socky on 2 Oct 2009.
	Thoughts don't make any sound whether you're deaf or not. Or maybe they do, but only mind-readers can hear them...nah, sounds unlikely. :-)
	Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009.
	YOU WHAT? SPEAK UP!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Oct 2009.

"Does a clown of a person have soul?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Does_a_clow...)
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I'm fairly certain that "clown" should have been "clone," but all the same...:-)
	Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009.
	Only if it's not constantly smiling.
	Posted by Socky on 2 Oct 2009.

Q: "How do you turn a boy into a Mermaid?" A: "becoming a mermaid is now impossible today , enchanting things and spells know better that to get into a humans hands."
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_...)
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Nope. You just cut off his dick, testicles and legs. Then you catch a big fish and you transplant the tail. Then give the fishboy some female hormones and breast implants, and perhaps some additional cosmetic surgery, and voila, you got yourself a mermaid.
	Posted by Socky on 4 Oct 2009.

Q: "How can you become a mermaid?" A#1: "...if you have ever watched the show h2o just add water they are mermaids and living almost normal lives. of course i know its just a show but just because theres no proof it doesn't mean its not real." A#2: "You can say this, As I lay here in this water, I conceal myself to you, Air was needed, Now no more, My legs squueze and join, A mermaid forever be. It may take a while, like it did for me. Or you can pray every night and eventually it will work!" A#3: "Well , I wish this was possible but it's not. Mermaids live in the very bottom of the sea and they don't ever come up! Mermaids have a required life , that our minds don't understand. Also humans can't become mermaids because our world has changed and not for the best!"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
	Posted by David Gerard on 20 Oct 2009.

Q: "Where in Florida can you see mermaids swim?" A: "It is quite impossible to see mermaids. They live DEEP , DEEP in the sea. They have cut out all enchantments from our world for we have been in troubled times. They rarely come up because of the pollution."
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Where_in_Fl...)
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet

"When were fairies noticed?"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	When? Right now, of course! Don't tell me you didn't spot them.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Oct 2009.
	I see them all the time, man, you just gotta, like, get in tune with the cosmic consciousness, man.
	Posted by JT on 3 Oct 2009.

"When you play with fire, there is a 50/50 chance that something will go wrong, and nine times out of ten it does."
Posted by JT on 8 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Finally someone who realises statistics is complete bollocks.
	Posted by Socky on 8 Oct 2009.
	Shades of Terry Pratchett here...
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 9 Oct 2009.
	I thought it sounded familiar, but it's the sort of thing people say to be funny so I wasn't sure where I'd heard it.
	Posted by JT on 9 Oct 2009.
	I think Pratchett's variant was "million-to-one chances come up nine times out of ten", but of course he was talking about the Discworld, where that's probably perfectly true!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 9 Oct 2009.
	Also in that strange, subjective-reality world inhabited by those who regularly play the National Lottery.
	Posted by JT on 9 Oct 2009.

Q: "How old is water today?" A: "maybe more than 1millionyears ago... water began growing on earth from the minute one person lived on earth. from maybe before the time there were Any dinosaurs" (sic)
Posted by JT on 10 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Nah. Water is fossilized dinosaur piss.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 10 Oct 2009.

"What language do they speak in Italy?"
Posted by JT on 10 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Welsh?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 10 Oct 2009.
	Romanian?
	Posted by Socky on 10 Oct 2009.
	As it happens, Italian was only declared the official language of Italy last year. Odd, that.
	Posted by JT on 12 Oct 2009.

"Did you guys know Abraham Lincoln is dead?"
Posted by JT on 19 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Did you guys know John Wilkes Booth escaped, and is still alive on the secret moon base with Hitler and Elvis?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 19 Oct 2009.

"What makes your vagina taste good?"
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	I recommend balsamic vinegar, crushed garlic and cracked black pepper.
	Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009.
	Dave's Insanity Sauce?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 24 Oct 2009.
	Ketchup. Definitely.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Oct 2009.
	Jack Daniels and Coke, sticky with a bit of a kick, but I can heartily recommend....
	Posted by Mhaille on 27 Oct 2009.
	Skittles. Then when he/she eats them, you can tell them they were herpes sacs and watch the hilarity ensue.
	Posted by ColinAYB on 27 Oct 2009.
	I recommend Salsa Sauce, it brings out the hotness and exposes it.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.
	beer
	Posted by Moosh on 9 Nov 2009.
	Shucks, I was just born tasting like this.
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"How do guinea pigs become pregnant?"
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	By sitting on a warm toilet seat. Don't you know anything?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 24 Oct 2009.

"Where do food atoms sit before excreting?"
Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I work as a middle school teacher, where they cant critize me, they wont allow the staff to insult me, and have a strict policy, so that is why i dont understand why she would tell me not to go around with pride of my resister of war." (sic)
Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	So why DO you think literacy rates are falling...?
	Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009.

"Why is there a film crew following the employees of The Office? I just started watching re-runs of The Office but I have not seen the pilot. I am wondering why there is always a film crew following the employees?"
Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note for foreigners/people without TVs: The Office is a British television drama/situation comedy.
	Posted by JT on 26 Oct 2009.

"I got caught masturbating to a forest elf in World of Warcraft? and now my parents are threatening to take away and delete my account! How can I convince them that even though she's digital, and an elf, there isn't anything wrong with it? Plus I have such a high score I can't lose it all for this elf!"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 29 Oct 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You can promise them to never again masturbate to anything at all.
	Posted by Socky on 24 Nov 2009.

"If God was real would he be able to reach level 90 on World of Warcraft?"
Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Not stupid, but I feel it has a place here.
	Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2009.
	I dunno, it made me laugh! Hmm... I wonder if God can create a game so hard even he can't beat it?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 1 Nov 2009.
	Answer: Yes, God is omnipotent. Answer to mike: No, that would be logically impossible, or alternatively God isn't as stupid to create a power which surpasses him. Whichever one you prefer.
	Posted by Socky on 3 Nov 2009.

"I have 4 kid and pregent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?okay i have 4 kids and pregent i had my first child @ the age of 15 after that i didnt care anymore my 2 bach was when i was 17 i had twins and the next onw was on my 18 birthday and now i pregent and i a 19 and i going to have my baby next next month and plus i am single i pay for my own house my om and dad dont give me a dime i get coupon and other stuff with my care and i thinking is this bad for me and my childern health plus i do not wor cause i cant afford a babysitter fior the kid butb i fgetting a job and that hiow i will pay for the baby sittter so can i you answer this is this bad foor my and my child health in the futer?" (sic)
Posted by JT on 3 Nov 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Call me a fascist if you will, but this is enough to convince me that enforced sterilisation has its place in this world.
	Posted by JT on 3 Nov 2009.
	What I'm wondering is "Who'd f*ck that? Seriously?" I suspect the answer is "An American."
	Posted by Socky on 3 Nov 2009.
	TL;DR. (Perhaps we need a "TL;DR" category?)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 4 Nov 2009.
	It would take a long time to make this up. This must be genuine. If so, I'm outta here.
	Posted by Tiger on 4 Nov 2009.
	TL;DR category is a good idea, actually - we have a few amusing but long quotes.
	Posted by JT on 13 Nov 2009.
	I concur.
	Posted by Moosh on 13 Nov 2009.
	I'm new.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 13 Nov 2009.
	I thought you said you didn't care any more? So why worry?
	Posted by beeflin on 28 Nov 2009.

"What really holds the universe or the stars of a galaxy together? If gravity, how is it possible 'cos it's the weakest force ever known - it can't even hold a human in space so how is it possible that it holds a big star?"
Posted by JT on 5 Nov 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	What the heck is he talking about? It's God, you fool! God holds everything together.
	Posted by Socky on 15 Nov 2009.
	Oh oh oh its magic, you know?
	Posted by Ghost on 15 Nov 2009.

First tourist: "Tomorrow, we're going to catch a plane and fly to Kerala in southern India." Second tourist: "India in Asia?"
Posted by JT on 29 Nov 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	No, India in North America. You know, where the Indians live.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 29 Nov 2009.
	Or South America. They got Indians there to!
	Posted by Socky on 30 Nov 2009.
	No, you're all wrong. He's obviously talking about Red India!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Dec 2009.

"Can anyone settle an arguement? My friend and I just got weighed I weighed in at 9st 12lbs & 7/8ths. Does the 7/8ths bit make me closer to 9st 13lbs or 9st 12lbs?"
Posted by JT on 5 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Exam question: "What is a co-operative?" Answer: "It's a kind of shop that is not as dear as places like Marks and Spencer."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet

"A major disease associated with smoking is premature death."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Genuine answer given in exam: "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Answer given in medicine exam: "For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Chemistry exam question: "Explain why phosphorus trichloride is polar." Answer: "God made it that way."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Of all those ''exam answer'' quotes, this is the one I can swear on its authenticity. Because this one is most probably mine.
	Posted by Moosh on 18 Dec 2009.

Genuine answers given in a Science test: "Q. Write a balanced half equation for the reaction at the positive electrode." A. 2+3=7 Q. Write a balanced half equation for the reaction at the negative electrode. A. Forte+shoe=spleen. Q. Explain why the concentration of sulfate ions increases in the electrolyte. A. Aliens. Damn aliens are responsible for everything weird that's going on down here."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Shakespeare wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"In Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet

"I am 17 and 5.53 inches, is that an average height and could i possibly grow taller at 17?"
Posted by JT on 15 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	What exactly is he talking about?
	Posted by Necropaxx on 18 Dec 2009.

"If you died while you were on your period when would your period stop?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/If_you_died...)
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	When you get an abortion.
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"If your pet rat accidentally licked your vagina will you get sick?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/If_your_pet...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Any more like this and we're going to need a category for "F**king Gross."
	Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009.
	Well, get working on it.
	Posted by Moosh on 1 Jan 2010.
	Our category bar's getting a bit wide already. Maybe "Ewwww!" would be a reasonable name?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 1 Jan 2010.
	Well, the common sense answer would be "If your rat had a disease, yes."
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"Can gay women have sex?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_gay_wom...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	No.
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"Does electricity go clockwise or anticlockwise?"
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The clock is digital so it doesn't matter anyways.
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"Are human used tampons healthy for horses? My instructor gave her pony one today and I am wondering why this so healthy." (Yahoo Answers)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet

"Hihi think i am pregnant fro last 10 days can i get aborton with tuna fish?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes. Shove tuna fish into your vagina, and your baby will shoot itself because of not wanting to your child.
	Posted by CheddarBBQ on 1 Jan 2010.

"Laptop preventing puberty? does a laptop prevent puberty occurring, or, does it slow it down"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, maybe if you tried smashing it on your balls...
	Posted by Socky on 31 Dec 2009.

"What does it mean if your vagina gets bigger in a short space of time - could it mean I'm pregnant? I haven't had sex, I just masturbate."
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet

"If the battery of your phone gets boken and you get a new battery will info from your old battery still be? Like will everything from your old battery still be on your phone? Like pics, text messages, contacts, ect.?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (3) (2) Permalink Tweet

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Q: Why does it take longer to cook food on top of a mountain? A: Because of convection. It has to rise all the way up, and this takes a long time.
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet

"Autopsy concludes woman was killed" (http://www.examiner.com/a-498058~Autopsy_concludes_woman_was_killed.html)
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (4) (3) Permalink Tweet
	On a second though, I found out that it meant "killed" as opposed to "died naturally."
	Posted by Moosh on 11 Jan 2010.

"Is it legal to take an infant into a tanning bed?"
Posted by JT on 26 Jan 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Some people should most definitely not breed.
	Posted by JT on 26 Jan 2010.

"Keyboard failure Press F2 to Run SETUP Press F3 to load default values and continue" (see also http://www.whoinventedfoxes.com/submi...)
Posted by JT on 25 Mar 2010. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet

A rather upper-class lady walks up to the reception desk of the Fitzwilliam Museum, in Cambridge: "Could you direct me to the Ashmolean Museum, please?"
Posted by JT on 14 Apr 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note - the answer is really quite simple. You come out of the Fitzwilliam, go left a bit, right a bit, straight on, join the M11, follow it for about 30 miles to the M25 junction, then go west for about 45 miles to the M40 junction, then up the M40 for another 30 miles or so and turn left. You can't miss the Ashmolean - it's right in the centre of Oxford.
	Posted by JT on 14 Apr 2010.

"I have a 3 legged tabby cat. Im looking 4 a prostetic leg with tabby fur on it but i cant find any?" (sic)
Posted by JT on 17 Apr 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If a man can walk 3 miles in an hour, and then discovers he can travel faster, is this a bit like time travel? Say the basis for making a journey is walking speed, and this is world wide. Then someone creates a device or machine that can make the journey more quickly isn't this a form of travelling through time into the future? If you imagine a car is a time machine - through the rear windscreen is the past, through the front windscreen is the future and in the car is the present. Through the side windows is the present as it happens in all across the universe. The car gets you to the future more quickly."
Posted by JT on 4 Aug 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Feet are time machines too, you know.
	Posted by Socky on 17 Aug 2010.

"Dream interpretation: loin attack in dream?"
Posted by JT on 4 Aug 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why there school? Is there point?"
Posted by JT on 18 Nov 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"COLD SNAP TO LAST WEEKS" ...headline of a British newspaper. Well, quite - it's winter FFS!
Posted by JT on 28 Nov 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	As so often happens at this time of year, the main topic of discussion in the British news right now is "It's snowing". The stereotype is true - we _do_ talk about the weather all the time!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Nov 2010.

"What is being said about the Mossad throwing the deadly shark (in the sea) to hit tourism in Egypt is not out of the question, but it needs time to confirm" (Egyptian nutter tries to blame Israel for recent shark attack http://www.jpost.com/Headlines/Articl...)
Posted by JT on 8 Dec 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Come on! Of course they did. Everyone knows sharks are Jewish.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 11 Dec 2010.

"The boy was not the man’s son, but one of the girls was, and the other “probably was.”" (Cambridge News)
Posted by JT on 22 Dec 2010. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I bet you a million quid she wasn't.
	Posted by JT on 22 Dec 2010.

"...a beautiful high-flier..." (The Daily Mail's somewhat ill-thought-out description of a woman who committed suicide by jumping off New York's Trump Place skyscraper in November)
Posted by JT on 17 Jan 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"A woman has the right to compete in elections whether she's male or female!"
Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2011. (2) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Our Libyan friend again.
	Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2011.
	Maybe he's just being sensitive to postmodernist gender issues?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Mar 2011.

"That's one big castle!" (American tourist emerging from Ely Cathedral)
Posted by JT on 8 Apr 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Ever since Osama Bin Laden died my internet has become really slow...?"
Posted by JT on 4 May 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Nudists seek new membership to revive flagging membership" (The Times)
Posted by JT on 10 May 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Where does the flame on a candle go? When you blow out the flame on a candle it just dissapears and goes away but where does it go. i mean it carnt just go nowhere because it was a flame naked to the human eye"
Posted by JT on 7 Jun 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"One, Learn english better, You're education did slip."
Posted by JT on 8 Jun 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Oh, such sweet irony.
	Posted by JT on 8 Jun 2011.

"I'd like to see 'em build a mosque in Mecca..."
Posted by JT on 14 Jul 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Room service lady: "What kind of pasta do you want?" Me: "Spaghetti, please". Room service lady: "We only have rigatoni."
Posted by JT on 24 Aug 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"There were flies flying around and the smell was awful.The ship was just sat there not doing anything, and there were 12 crates of dead crabs and fish just lying there covered in flies. It’s not the sort of thing you want to see on holiday, there was a real stench. My children were quite distressed by it. These people should be a bit more considerate to the holidaymakers."

(Man complains about dead fish. At a working fishing harbour: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/tra...)

Posted by JT on 6 Sep 2011.

(1)

(0) Permalink

"SYDNEY BROTHELS LINKED TO SEX TRADE" (Headline)
Posted by JT on 17 Oct 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

Woman 1: "Those have gone up too - they used to be two for £1, now they're three for £2." Woman 2: "Yeah, but at least it's better value if you get three."
Posted by JT on 5 Nov 2011. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

On rats: "They're also very intelligent, a lot of people think they're wild, disgusting and carry diseases, but they're actually miniature cats and dogs." (Lisa Harries of The Midlands Rat Club, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-...)
Posted by JT on 11 Feb 2012. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I'm not sexist or misogynistic but women are inferior + stupid" (found by Arthur CRS)
Posted by JT on 13 Feb 2012. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

More genuine exam answers... Q. Briefly explain what hard water is. A. Ice. Q. Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements. A. Learning to speak Latin. Q. Give a reason why people would want to live near power lines. A. They get their electricity faster.
Posted by JT on 1 Mar 2012. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the nationality of Marianne Vos, the Dutch cyclo-cross and road bicycle racer?"
Posted by JT on 11 Mar 2012. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I didn't know Mars had a sun." (Response on seeing a photo of a Martian sunrise)
Posted by JT on 25 Aug 2012. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"It's strange how eggs come from cows but aren't dairy."
Posted by JT on 7 Jan 2013. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I feel sorry for you, having to work on Boxing Day. Who on earth shops on Boxing Day?" (Customer to member of staff, in a shop. On Boxing Day.)
Posted by JT on 7 Jan 2013. (1) (0) Permalink Tweet

It's funny how 25% off £20 is only £5 but from £10 it's £2.50, isn't it? You'd have thought it'd be more than that.
Posted by JT on 12 Aug 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Pound signs fixed... not quite sure what happened there. Some kind of Unicode screwup presumably.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 16 Aug 2009.
	I've seen that happen on a lot of websites.
	Posted by JT on 19 Aug 2009.

...do dead people come back as things like butterflies d'you think? All day today the same butterfly has been following my little one around the garden and I'm thinking it's a sign from her grandma who died earlier this year.
Posted by JT on 12 Aug 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others" (Ex-Governor of California).
Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	damn, meant this one to go into Business...
	Posted by JT on 21 Aug 2009.

"Did the Jews build the Pyramids?" (Wikianswers)
Posted by JT on 23 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What age is old?" (Wikianswers)
Posted by JT on 23 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Where can I go in Florida that isn't extremely haunted?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Do paranormal investigators use math?" (Only while counting the cash they fleece out of gullible fools, one suspects)
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Can you put magic in a magic wand?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are some advantages and disadvantages for magnetic?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	What are some advantages and disadvantages for grammar?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Aug 2009.
	:-D
	Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009.

Nuclear power plants produce radioactive materials - true or false?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How can scientists change your life?" (Wikianswers)
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How does the environment affect humans?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are all the scientific instruments that have the letter Y in them?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the function of the laboratory thermometer?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Is this just a cut-and-paste from wikianswers or something?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Aug 2009.
	C+P...? No way - I typed them in! But yes, indeed; I thought we could do with a few extra.
	Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009.

"Why do people get confused?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What do you call a bovine that becomes a vampire?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	cownt dracula
	Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.
	...and Chegz scores a maximum ten points!
	Posted by JT on 29 Oct 2009.

"Can we tell why there are vampires?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Where in Estonia can I meet a REAL vampire?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are vampire cats real?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Where do vampire monkeys live?" (Answer: only in your fevered mind...)
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What were all the religions in the 16th century?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the designated place where each calendar begins called?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	New Year...?
	Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009.
	The first page.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 31 Aug 2009.

"He was 20 years old when he joined army how old would he be today in 2009?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note: no further details were supplied with this question.
	Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009.

"How many people have died between 1960 and now?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why is it good to be able to speak different languages?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	¿Qué?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 29 Aug 2009.

"What is the importance of the microprocessor in electronic bank teller machines (ATMs)?"
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	it replaces the hamster on a treadmill that they were using before
	Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.

"Please supply me with more information on flora and fauna."
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Can a virtual immage be shown on a screen?"
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Would an isotope with a long half-life be more, the same or less radioactive than an isotope with a short half-life?"
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Is Bigfoot nice?
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is it possible to reconstruct a dragon from frozen DNA?"
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

How many humans did god bury?
Posted by JT on 30 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is 35 centimetres equal to 3.5 kilometres?"
Posted by JT on 30 Aug 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

<Juan_2> He didn't sound like a scammer. At least, not completely. (from IRC)
Posted by JT on 3 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	So what does a scammer sound like, exactly, and how does this differ from an honest person? Please be specific.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Sep 2009.

"What is the average speed of an object if it moves 10 metres per second?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does a machine make more energy?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the stuff makes an flight to fly in the air?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How many syllables are in "mice"?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If you were born on September the 9th, 1978, how old would you be?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"When will I get married my date of birth is 71789 time is 100am?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"What will be the color for the year 2010?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If a feather blows into the house after you have lost a loved one does it mean they are with you?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	No, it means you need to keep the door closed.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 20 Jan 2010.

"What in your opinion would make for the scariest haunted house?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Real ghosts, instead of the imaginary ones that are found in all haunted houses.
	Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009.

"If only faces could talk..."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads."
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Do metals conduct heat?"
Posted by JT on 10 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why do you think hamburger is hamburger?"
Posted by JT on 12 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Which is better - a doctor or an engineer?"
Posted by JT on 12 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It surely depends on what you'll be using it for?
	Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009.

"What are dissecting scissors used for?"
Posted by JT on 12 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What gasses are in your atmosphere?"
Posted by JT on 12 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Er...where do YOU live?
	Posted by JT on 12 Sep 2009.

"Do black people with Down syndrome exist?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	No. They're all just figments of your imagination.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 13 Sep 2009.

"What are the reason of swine flu?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is Christianity a religion?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"In what year was medicine invented?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are there such things as alien birds?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why cant you see germs on your hands?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How much is 9km?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	About £2.40, isn't it?
	Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.

"Is a black widow spider a mammal?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is spiderman a demon?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are the differences between a windpipe and an animal cell?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is miscellaneous about Mesopotamia?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What do you call followers of Christianity?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"A heavy object and a light object are dropped from rest at the same time in a vacuum. The heavier object will reach the ground?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes, I suspect it will.
	Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009.

"Why does burning of candle produce flames and burning of coal cannot?"
Posted by JT on 13 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

I had to attend a speed awareness course last month, after arousing a speed camera. It was a laugh riot... Instructor: "Some roads, like the A14, have signs showing the number of casualties from the previous year." Aggressive Lady: "Well that's out of date if it's numbers from last year, it's not relevant." Instructor: "The driver in this collision was decapitated." Lady (nodding sagely): "Well that will be a fatality then." Instructor: "If you're doing 40mph and you hit a child on a bike, there is a good chance you will kill that child." Aggressive Lady: "Well, that's his parents' fault, he should be wearing a helmet."
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Contibuted by ed___
	Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009.

American on a tour of ancient sites in Egypt: "Look at that inscription right up there, I wonder how they did that?" (pointing at inscription ten or so metres up on an obelisk). American #2: "They used lasers, of course."
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How does the fennec fox eat? What part of the body do they use?"
Posted by JT on 14 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The purpose of the fire service?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/The_purpose...)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What good use is the water hyacinth?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What was the name of the painting of Christ crowned with thorns?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Oh, THAT one...
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"What is the ideal height for a female of 5 foot 4 inches?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Q: "In solid geometry, What H is the name given to half a sphere?" A: "Half a circle."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

In a philosophy class entitled "The Meaning of Life", one bright spark put her hand up and asked in all seriousness: "If, right... if, lets just say, we all became mutants right... like X-Men or somink... would right, would that change the meaning of life?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	contributor - Free Will.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

My brother was watching the changing of the guard one time , when an obese American woman said: "I wonder if Betty's in?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	(Contributed by BigMal)
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Note to Johnny Foreigner, republicans and others who take little interest in our beloved monarch - Betty is the diminutive for Elizabeth, so the obese American woman was presumably attempting to convince anyone overhearing her that she maintains a close friendship with the Queen.
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	As any fule kno, the Queen's real nickname is Brenda. Ask Private Eye.
	Posted by DaveK on 17 Sep 2009.
	"Busty" Brenda, no less.
	Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009.

"Are ladybugs extinct?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is radiation dangerous to your health?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are there any lakes in the Lake District?" (Tourist to tour guide)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What time do you switch the mist off?" (Tourist to tour guide)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I realise that there is no electricity in the Wilderness Cabins, but there should have been somewhere to recharge my phone." (Disgruntled holiday maker)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women." (Tourist complaint to travel agency)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Was Abraham Lincoln that large in real life?" (Tourist visiting the 9.1 metre tall statue of the ex-president at Washington's Lincoln Memorial)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I know it may sound weird, but my parents are still pretty young and have very loud sex and sometimes late at night I can hear them and I cant help but touch myself. Is this bad or is it something other people have done too?" (Yahoo answers)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Does it go dark at night where your from?" (This has been doing the rounds online for a while - no idea where it came from)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day." (a member of the British aristocracy)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Eskimos are uncivilised because they don't have any shops."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How much do you get paid as a voluntary nature reserve warden?" (Asked by me, I'm afraid to say)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident... you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one that can really help." (Well known Hollywood actor and Scientologist...guess who?)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Did you write the words, or the lyrics?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"To me, the greatest book of all time is "The Bible" because there's some religious stuff in it."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

BBC Radio 1 presenter: "Not only was Sue having a nervous breakdown, but she was having a tough time mentally too."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

US Department of Environment spokesman on surviving nuclear fallout: "All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	For a fortnight until the fallout clears.
	Posted by DaveK on 17 Sep 2009.

"Everything’s legal in Mexico. It’s the American way."
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the plural of pint?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Are there more kilometres in a metre or more metres in one kilometre?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is a accident investigator?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Come on...the title's a clue...we know you can do it!
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Oh, and btw - that's a c+p. I DO know the difference between "your" and "you're."
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.

"How can you make a home-made pussy with the everyday things you use?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you...)
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	"Making good use of the things that we find, The things that the everyday folks leave behind..."
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Sep 2009.
	Tell you what, though - it's got me thinking. I reckon a muslin bag, half a kilo of chopped liver and a waterproof mobike phone set to vibrate would be your basic items...
	Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009.
	Do you really count chopped liver amongt the things you use every day? Especially since you're a vegan and all.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 16 Sep 2009.
	Vegan...? I'll have you know I was born on Earth, and my ears are distinctly non-pointy!
	Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009.

"Is a owl a producers?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why was the calculator invented?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Where does the milky way lead to?"
Posted by JT on 15 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It joins onto Creamy Road, which takes you down past Sugary Avenue towards Rancid Street.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 16 Sep 2009.

"Is Hip Hop a Sport or a Culture?"
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Sport: "an active diversion requiring physical exertion and competition; the occupation of athletes who compete for pay ." It's not that...
	Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009.
	Physical exertion eh?
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"Why is the clam classified as an invertebrate?"
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

LAX customs official to passenger returning from Israel: "How were you born in the Ukraine?"
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost." (Boxer Frank Bruno, following a fight)
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." (Britney Spears)
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Baseball star, ordering salad in restaurant: "Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"My child was not only carried by me, but by the universe."
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is." (Bill Clinton, testifying before a jury)
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

US senator: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How do you spell 'Americans'?"
Posted by JT on 16 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Where is France located?"
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What are all of the names for different fungi?"
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	This could take a while...
	Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009.

"Which Australian discovered penicillin?"
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why is excrementation of body waste important?"
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Because without it, we'd all be as full of sh*t as this question.
	Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009.

"How to find red mercury?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_to_find...)
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Try looking in the tabloid press.
	Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009.

"What is the importance of matter?"
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Who invented dirt?"
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Is Aquificae a good bacteria or a bad bacteria?"
Posted by JT on 17 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Teenage girl on bus: "I don't get the point of the recession. Why don't they just, like, make more money?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	And that's exactly what they're doing. For some reason it isn't working though.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"was just thinking. my sister does -alot- of reading, and spends like $1000 a year on just books alone. most of them she reads once then never looks at again. is there any kind of like…video rental store but for books? would make things alot cheaper, plus once one person had read one the next person can get enjoyment from it"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Note: not sure where this one came from, it's been floating about on teh nets for a while. I've not bothered cleaning it up - this is the original form.
	Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009.
	Why rent books? It's so much easier to steal them from a library!
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.
	'Ello Socky. Congrats on signing up - your free air guitar is on its way to you now!
	Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009.

"What is the difference between a platypus and a monkey?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Don't even get me started on what a platypus actually is. Clue: it's not the duck-billed thing most people think it is.
	Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009.

Tourist in Canada: "Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Try going to the Alps first. Then try searching for some tropical lake and see if you can spot any flamingos at the shore.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

Tourist in Canada: "What's the best way to see Canada in a day?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

American tourist in Westminster Abbey: "Is this where the Queen had her coronary?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Will it be raining again this year in the first week of August? If so I might want to move to the 2nd week of August." (Tourist booking campsite, 1st of February)
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Man landing on the moon is true?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Don't sound so surprised!
	Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009.

"Where is this number - 17182617682 - located?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You'll find it right between 17182617681 and 17182617683.
	Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009.

"How many loafs of bread in bagel?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	234. I counted.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"How many jellybeans did Ronald Reagan eat in his rule?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What is the size of one cubic foot?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Abraham Lincoln?
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Is there a physical change that is permanent?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes. As an experiment, try cutting your own head off and see if it grows back.
	Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009.

"How are lifeguards important?"
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	They aren't in the least. Sanctity of life is complete bollocks. It is more humane to exterminate the weak than it is to prolong their pathetic little lives. People who need their life to be guarded are obviously weak and thus deserve to die. This is what Hitler was trying to show us all along.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European."
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." (TV commentator, 1977 Cambridge v. Oxford Boat Race)
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before in 62."
Posted by JT on 18 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Who was the first person to draw the human body?"
Posted by JT on 19 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Leonardo da Vinci. He cut open corpses so he could draw every part of the human body.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"How many dolls are 18 inches tall?"
Posted by JT on 19 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How many tabby cats are left?"
Posted by JT on 19 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	What? Are they endangered all of a sudden? Does that mean that I'm going to see a load of Greenpeace hippies going up and down my street in inflatable boats, protecting the several hundred tabby cats that live round here?
	Posted by JT on 19 Sep 2009.

"How do you say 'I'll make a man out of you' in English?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	"I'll kick your bucket if you don't man up right now"
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"Why do you have a vagina?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_do_you_...)
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	For those unfamilar with the terminology, a vagina can be defined as the box a penis comes in.
	Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009.
	So you have someplace to put that penis.
	Posted by Socky on 20 Sep 2009.

"What safety do cell phones have on the inviroment?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What century is 1000-1 B.C?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_centur...)
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"that specimin looks like something out of the x files,it could be an alien stranded on earth its spaceship could of crashed in the sea close to the cave where it was seen,you never know" (Kids in South America find a bald, dead sloth and make up a story about it crawling out of a lake and attacking them. The tabloid press and their readers fall for it)
(From http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/...)
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Me: "XXXX, you need to mend that hole in the fence before your dog mates with next door's dog, the world is already full of unwanted puppies." XXXX: "Nah, they won't mate - they're brother and sister from the same litter." Me: "FFS." Me, visiting XXXX some months later: "Oh, I see the dog has puppies..."
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Who were the Greeks?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Democrats. What, you think a Republican could have been called a Greek?
	Posted by Tiger on 4 Nov 2009.

"What do you do if the object or distance you are measuring is bigger than the the ruler you are using?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Chop it into bits. Measure each bit. Add all the measurements together. Obviously. (Note: not to be used when measuring the height of your children).
	Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009.

Tourist in London: "Whereabouts is the Eiffel Tower?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Great! The Timelord brought another one of them retarded companions to our time zone! No, we don't like singing about hot dogs!
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

"If you reverse polarity in a microwave oven, it'll freeze stuff really quickly."
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Being a fireman isn't a particularly dangerous job..."
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Not nearly as dangerous as being a librarian!
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.

"What is your galaxy called and what type of galaxy is it?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Er...OUR galaxy? Where's yours then?
	Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009.

TV presenter: "So how long does London Fashion Week last?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	604,800 seconds, according to the latest statistical data.
	Posted by Socky on 24 Sep 2009.

Tourist about to embark on a rafting trip down the Zambezi River: "Do we finish where we start?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Only if you're willing to pay a couple millions extra.
	Posted by Socky on 21 Sep 2009.
	Well, you start in the river, and you finish in the same river. So I'd say "Yes". :)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 21 Sep 2009.
	You ought to be a politician.
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.

"Is there water on the other side of this island?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Tourist boarding whale-watching boat at Boston, USA: ""This is the Mediterranean, right?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How many sunrise bike tours do you do in a day?"
Posted by JT on 20 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	this isnt particularly stupid, you could fit in several short tours at sunrise depending on how long you make said tours
	Posted by chegz on 29 Oct 2009.
	You actually do have a point there.
	Posted by JT on 29 Oct 2009.

"What is an [ocean] trench made out of?"
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Why [is the] Humerus bone called humerus, not any other name?"
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"What cats can't do?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_cats_c...)
Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Well, they can certainly do a lot of stuff - but I've never seen one change the oil in a tractor.
	Posted by JT on 21 Sep 2009.

"The difference between the greatest possible number and the smallest possible number?"
Posted by JT on 23 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Quite a lot.
	Posted by JT on 23 Sep 2009.

Signs displayed recently by US far-right supporters: "English is our language. No excetions. Learn it." "Respect are country - speak English." "This is America and our only lanaguage is English." "Obama has a crisis of competnce." "Make English America's offical language."
Posted by JT on 23 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Maybe the Obama administration should respond by choosing a suitably obscure language and deeming it "offical" :) How about one of the languages from the bottom of http://www.yourdictionary.com/elr/nat... which are only spoken by 1 person?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 23 Sep 2009.
	Where can I sign up to learn Kikapoo?!
	Posted by JT on 24 Sep 2009.

"The pollution and toxins there must be so bad that it is reversing evolution, we continue to see these kind of stories usually deformed humans coming from China on a weekly basis so it doesn't surprise me at all..." "There is all sorts of strange **** like this is China. Even some of the insects have started mutating, some of the dragonflies have antenna growing out of their heads like a butterflies..." "Are we witnessing a step in evolution. Imagine what the apes thought when they first seen another ape with human feet..." (Woman in China kills a one-legged snake. Tabloid readers reveal their comprehensive knowledge of evolution)
(From http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/...)
Posted by JT on 24 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Was the cigar-shaped object seen in sky by photographer a UFO?"
(From http://www.thisisexeter.co.uk/news/ci...)
Posted by JT on 24 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	An object in the sky and nobody knows what it was? Definitely sounds like a UFO to me!
	Posted by JT on 24 Sep 2009.

"Three ways Edgar Allen Poe could have died?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Three_ways_...)
Posted by JT on 25 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Let's see now...he could have been run over and squashed by an unusually heavy three-year-old on an out-of-control tricycle, he could have been impaled when a heron suffered a heart attack during flight and plummeted to Earth or he could have been gnawed to death by a pack of man-eating shrews. All ways in which he COULD have died. His chronic alcoholism is more likely to be the actual cause, however, though it does seem rather boring in comparison.
	Posted by JT on 25 Sep 2009.

"What clothes did Homo sapiens wear?"
Posted by JT on 25 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Fish scales.
	Posted by Socky on 25 Sep 2009.

"You are 5 ft 67 inches. Are you short?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Not particularly...that's over ten and a half feet tall!
	Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.

US interviewer: "Who won the Vietnam War?" US interviewee: "We did...wait! Were we even in the Vietnam War?" US interviewer: "Who is Fidel Castro?" US interviewee: "A singer." US interviewer: "How many sides does a triangle have?" US interviewee: "It has no sides. One?" US interviewer: "In the War on Terror, who do you think should be the next we invade?" US interviewee: "Somewhere in the Middle East."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The last answer is surprisingly accurate.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

Interviewer: "Who was the first man to walk on the moon?" Interviewee: "Well, I gotta tell ya some people don't believe that really happened. They believe that it was reincarnated in Arizona somewhere."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yeah, they made Vishnu reincarnate into some Moon Goddess like entity and then walked all over her.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

Interviewer: "Where was the Berlin Wall?" Interviewee: "...[very long pause]...Believe me, I dunno, but I'm thinking...[very long pause]...Israel?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Interviewer: "Which Iraqi is most responsible for the country's upheaval?" Interviewee: "Barack Obama." Interviewer: "Barack Obama? Why?" Interviewee: "Uhh - because I've heard his name before."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Q: "Name a country other than the United States that you admire." A: "Africa. Europe."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I don't want to see a ghost, It's a sight that I fear most I'd rather have a piece of toast" (Lyrics from 1998 song Life, by Des'ree).
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I laugh at these lyrics, foremost.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." (US Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin)
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	We are still negotiating with the great nation of Belgium to stop the terrible wars raging in the Low Countries.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

"He was probably the greatest living British painter until he died."
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Later on, he would become the greatest dead British painter.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

"What teeth do cats eat with?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Their own, usually.
	Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.

"Is smearing a child's own vomit on their chest and under their nose really as effective as Vick's Vapo-Rub for clearing up the sinuses?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	As effective? It's like thousands times more effective!
	Posted by Socky on 26 Sep 2009.

"R there mermaids in the sea?"
Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You know, I really have no problem with the question - but substituting "R" for "are" is unforgivable...
	Posted by JT on 26 Sep 2009.

"Why is my cat called Lily?"
Posted by JT on 28 Sep 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	If only I knew.
	Posted by Socky on 29 Sep 2009.

"Any spiritually enlightened females want to help me build a spaceship? If we could connect in spirit we would be free from our bodies I think you could call that a spaceship if not more ! Anyone feel the same?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Can my friend get sick if he eats my snake's shedded skin?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Yes, the snake's soul still lays in the shedded skin, and if one were to eat it (very tempting to do so), the soul will penetrate them.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"How do you know if someone is using magic against you?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_...)
Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Easy. First, you will become aware that you have offended a hippy. Soon afterwards, you'll notice strange, spooky symbols painted in goat's blood on your house. You may also hear weird chanting coming from your garden at midnight, and bones will be sent to you in the mail. Each morning you'll discover some twigs, taken from a species of tree with occult significance such as elm, tied into an eldritch pattern and left propped against your door in an effort to attract demons. Once all of this is complete, absolutely bugger all will happen.
	Posted by JT on 1 Oct 2009.
	Oh, so that's what it means! I was getting quite worried by all the eldritch patterns. I'm glad to hear that nothing will come of it!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Oct 2009.
	Surely you of all people have never offended a hippy...?
	Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009.

"Are Hollywood vampires supposed to be Jesus, because they really get scared when they see a cross?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Can you go to a haunted house when eight months pregnant?"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You could, but that would seriously traumatize the baby!
	Posted by Socky on 2 Oct 2009.

"What is the best defense a person has against alien abduction?"
(From http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/400207)
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	An atomic bomb.
	Posted by Socky on 2 Oct 2009.

"Anyone know any good body swapping spells or would like to switch with im a 20 year old male who wants to switch with a female?"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Did this work for you? How to turn into a cat.? Did it work for you? It worked for me."
(From http://www.spellsofmagic.com/books/99...)
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I tried licking the milk part, but then I got an STD.
	Posted by Tiger on 31 Oct 2009.

"Natural Selection is not responsible for new genes. A new species has new genes/traits. NS is only about the passing on of genes/traits already present and thus cant account for the origin of new species ie new genes/. It is logically and definitionaly impossible for NS to generate new species ie with new /genestraits never seen before as NS is only about the passing on of already present genes/traits. Thus if natural selection is not responsible for new genes then it cannot be responsible for the origin/generation of species. NS does not generate new genes, it only passes already present genes on. Thus NS is wrong as an evolutionary theory for the origin of new species ie new genes/traits."
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	What?
	Posted by Socky on 2 Oct 2009.

Q: "Can you be a mermaid as well as being human?" A#1: "It is quite impossible to be a merefolk , for they have life that we can't even wrap our minds around. There is no way for you to be human and mermaid mermaid as you please , the enchanted world was strickend off from ours WAY long ago!" A#2: "Yes! I am a mermaid, but I'm human too. When i touch water, i turn into a mermaid..." Q#2: "Could I see a picture of one of you as a Mermaid? You could just post the picture or the site under my comment. I would like to be a Mermaid. I just did a Mermaid Spell not to long ago. The spell I did takes about 1-4 or maybe 6 weeks. I can't wait!"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_be_...) I love the attempt at political correctness in A#1.
	Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009.

"I need (not want) to have multiple succubi visit me regularly. How can I make this happen? It's not that I want them. I need them. I had a succubus visiting me regularly; but, she has stopped visiting me. I am going totally and utterly insane without having a succubus. I need to have one or more start visiting me nightly so that I can regain my sanity and I can feel normal again. I feel so drained, depressed, and lonely without her. Don't tell me I need God. I hate God. God is my enemy. I want nothing what-so-ever to do with him. And don't pray for me either."
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	You're right - you don't need God. What you need is grow out of your goth stage.
	Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009.
	Or you could just start sucking your own dick.
	Posted by Socky on 4 Oct 2009.

"What if I see the numbers 1:11a.m a lot?"
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Try setting your alarm clock to go off at a different time.
	Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009.
	Oh my God, it went off at 6:66! This must be the work of the devil.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Oct 2009.
	...and a very dodgy clock-maker!
	Posted by JT on 3 Oct 2009.

"I am a crystal child! What is my purpose? Tell me what I'm meant for. Try you're best to be nice people." (sic)
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Maybe your purpose is to be quoted on some random web site that thrives on stupidity?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Oct 2009.
	As a crystal child you are destined to stay still until the repeating pattern of constituents dissolves. Stop moving, dammit!
	Posted by Socky on 6 Oct 2009.
	Crystal kids clearly can't spell, either....
	Posted by Mhaille on 27 Oct 2009.

"Well, we had one drink that was 5% alcohol and one that was 12% - so what we were drinking was 17% alcohol..."
Posted by JT on 2 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	And if you'd drunk 10 of them you'd be drinking 170% alcohol! No wonder the old brain cells are starting to go.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Oct 2009.

"Why do hobos always have such a fine, if greasy, head of hair?"
Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Hmm - not really a stupid question, but an interesting one. Why DO they always have such a good head of hair?
	Posted by JT on 6 Oct 2009.
	Because we call the bald ones "tramps"?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 6 Oct 2009.

Q: "On my physics homework one of the questions said ' What would the weight be of a hammer weighing 1.32 kg on the moon?' It says that Gravity on the moon is approximately 1.67 newtons/kg. Please help! thank you :)" A: "Since the weight is 1.67 newtons for each kg, then multiply this by the number of kg to get the weight in N."
Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Now, I'm no physicist but it seems to me that if this answer was correct the hammer would actually weigh more on the moon. Which seems rather unlikely, as we know lunar gravity is around 16.5% that of Earth.
	Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009.
	Looks OK to me. Little 'g' on Earth is about 9.81 N/kg. 1.67 is ~17% of 9.81 which is consistent with your 16.5%.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Oct 2009.
	I used Earth g of about that figure, only with a few nore decimal places and worked out that you'd need to divide earth weight by 5.8744 (or something, can't remember now) - it was slighly under the sixth or 16.5% theytell you at school, but close enough to assume I was on the right track. By my reckoning, on the Moon the hammer would weigh about 0.22 kg - whereas using the formula above, it'd be 1.67kg.
	Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009.
	Er...a few MORE decimal places. Still not used to this keyboard!
	Posted by JT on 22 Oct 2009.
	Ah bollocks. Now I've thought about it using my head instead of trying to use a calculator, I'm not too sure how I managed to come up with 1.67kg (and had to come back and switch the computer back on). Oh well. (-) it is, then :-)
	Posted by a mysterious, unknown entity on 22 Oct 2009. Delete
	On Earth we often use kilograms for both mass and weight, but when you're dealing with variable gravity it's important not to confuse them with each other. It's more precise to measure mass in kg and weight (acceleration due to gravity) in N. Also we often use the term "weighs" ambiguously. The mass of the hammer is given as 1.32 kg, and in this sense it weighs 1.32 kg on both Earth and the Moon. On Earth 1.32 kg * 9.81 N/kg =~ 12.95N On the Moon 1.32 kg * 1.67 N/kg is ~2.2 N.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 22 Oct 2009.
	I remembered the kg as mass stuff from school (and therefore the mass remaining the same in either situation). It was while trying to convert newtons into kg that things went wrong - I committed the cardinal sin of accepting what the calculator was telling me even though my instincts were trying to say "Erm..!"
	Posted by JT on 23 Oct 2009.
	Science is so screwed up.
	Posted by Socky on 23 Oct 2009.

"There was a very black blackness, much blacker than any black on Earth, and I thought: "Ooh, that's very black." (Woman discussing her near-death experience and supposed trip to heaven on TV)
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Was that some kind of Goth heaven, then?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 24 Oct 2009.

"When 7 out of 3 people believe government figures, why publish statistics?"
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"What animals/birds favor the peach tree? Please i need to know the answer to this A.S.A.P for my history project!"
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	For HISTORY...?
	Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009.
	The history... OF PEACHES. It's way more interesting than human history.
	Posted by Socky on 26 Oct 2009.
	Millions of peaches, peaches for free, millions of peaches, peaches for all the birds and little animals in the history of the world.
	Posted by Ghost on 1 Nov 2009.
	Peachy!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 1 Nov 2009.

"Do you need a motorcycle lichen to ride a 50cc pocketrocket on the road?"
Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	No, any symbiotic combination of fungus and alga will do. It doesn't strictly need to be a motorcycle one.
	Posted by JT on 24 Oct 2009.

"Hops are the female flowers of a plant in the Hemp family - that same notorious plant that produces marijuana." (TV programme about brewing. Hops are part of the Hemp family, but are definitely not the same plant as marijuana)
Posted by JT on 27 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Did Michael Jackson name his tour "This Is It" before he died?"
Posted by JT on 29 Oct 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	No - afterwards.
	Posted by JT on 29 Oct 2009.

"What language do they speak in England? I live in America and I only speak american. Can you get dictionaries that translate from american to whatever language they speak?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	I'm assuming this is probably troll droppings rather than a genuine question, but all the same.
	Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2009.
	This is bad troll. I've seen better. Not believable, he elaborated way too much on what language we speak...
	Posted by Tiger on 5 Nov 2009.

"Why does hello kitty have no mouth? It's so sad. How does she breath or eat cat food? Is she a ghost? Is that why she's so pale?"
Posted by JT on 3 Nov 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	http://www.queeg.com/hellokitty/
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Nov 2009.
	So Hello Kitty couldn't blow anymore.
	Posted by Tiger on 4 Nov 2009.

"What is higher: 2.26 ghz or 2.4ghz?"
Posted by JT on 13 Nov 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	He's talking about multcore processors, obviously. He just forgot to mention the number of cores.. Amusing, but not so stupid.
	Posted by Moosh on 13 Nov 2009.

"My laptop is not giving off energy?"
Posted by JT on 15 Nov 2009. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You might want to check if it is using any energy in the first place.
	Posted by Socky on 15 Nov 2009.

"Do you have that new book by Bridget Jones?" (Customer in bookshop, following the publication of Bridget Jones - The Edge of Reason)
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"The equator is a menagerie lion running around the earth through Africa."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere."
Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Looks like this old chestnut: http://www.sitepoint.com/forums/showt... This is one of the few Internet chain letters that I saw before I even had access to the Internet!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 14 Dec 2009.
	Yep - got all today's submissions from a site full of "genuine exam answers" which included everything at the end of that link!
	Posted by JT on 14 Dec 2009.

"How many halfs of an inch are in an eighth?"
Posted by JT on 22 Dec 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	More than 9?
	Posted by breadbocks on 5 Apr 2010.
	I thought it was 3.5.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 7 Apr 2010.

"Is there sperm in a dildo?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_there_sp...)
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"Are you a bad Christian if you study computer science or engineering?"
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It's got to be better than studying geology!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
	Wonder how they study palaeontology? Do they go out and dig up non-existant fossils?
	Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010.
	To YECists I suppose palaeontology is the work of the Devil, and actually studying it would mean you're going to hell!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Jan 2010.
	Pity - I liked the idea of a Christian palaeontologist chipping open a rock, finding nothing within and declaring that as proof of the Biblical Creation.
	Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.
	Aw, shoot. My major's computer engineering! /prays
	Posted by Necropaxx on 8 Jan 2010.

"Can you believe that life has been discovered on the planet Gallifrey 250 million light years away from Earth? A rocky planet 2.1 times the size of the Earth. Life has been identified there. From space, Gallifrey is seen as a yellow-orange planet."
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	For those unfamiliar with Gallifrey - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallifrey. Seems someone has problems differentiating between reality and TV.
	Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.
	Can I believe it? Hmm... tricky one... but I'm going to have to go with "No".
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 3 Jan 2010.
	The news might have broken on a more reliable site than Yahoo Answers, you'd have thought!
	Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010.
	This must be another scheme from the Master to subjugate humankind. Let's hope the Doctor stops him in time.
	Posted by Socky on 3 Jan 2010.
	The only reason it isn't anywhere else than Y!A is the Dalek plot. Paintball guns at the ready, everyone...
	Posted by Destrii on 9 Jan 2010.

"Can a hypnotist steal memories?"
Posted by JT on 30 Jan 2010. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet

"How do ferrets bum?"
(From http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_ferr...)
Posted by JT on 28 Mar 2010. (2) (2) Permalink Tweet

"Culturally speaking, what would happen if a parrot said the N word?"
Posted by JT on 18 Nov 2010. (1) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Well, that would depend on what color it was.
	Posted by Subtle Increase in Gravitas on 5 Apr 2011.

"If we keep evolving, will we be able to teach dogs to drive us round?"
Posted by JT on 20 Nov 2010. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How can I improve my toddler appetite?"
Posted by JT on 2 Dec 2010. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Sorry, really can't help you on this one - I can eat the little sods all day long. Maybe you just don't like the flavour?
	Posted by JT on 2 Dec 2010.

"How many potatoes in 425 grams?"
Posted by JT on 4 Jan 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"UK city tops latest crime map figures. A new street-by-street online map has revealed the most crime-ridden area in England and Wales."
Posted by JT on 1 Feb 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The most crime-ridden area in England and Wales is in the UK...? Who'd have thought it?
	Posted by JT on 1 Feb 2011.
	Clearly that area should be granted independence, making the UK a safer place to live!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 2 Feb 2011.
	...and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we should all vote for the Mike Party.
	Posted by JT on 2 Feb 2011.

"It's the best to eat fruit on an empty stomach (like first thing in the morning). I don't know exactly how bad it is for you if you eat fruit after meals, but I know that they get digested faster than other things and get broken down to simpler sugars. So, the sugar causes fermentation of the other food in your stomach. It's like the food begins to spoil in your stomach. I don't think that's good for your stomach."
Posted by JT on 22 Feb 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	It's obviously not too great for your brain, either.
	Posted by JT on 22 Feb 2011.

<ASHLEYSUCKS> BICH UNBAN ME OR I USE ANOTHER PROXY <ASHLEYSUCKS> cause i have still many proxy in my computor
Posted by JT on 22 Feb 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Democracy means permanent rule!"
Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Gaddafi. The man's a genius.
	Posted by JT on 3 Mar 2011.

"Should i buy 2 unsigned 18th century guilt framed paintings? 2 x Paintings that where restored by William Redmore Bigg & Sons between 1853 and 56. However they are unsigned. 1is of a victorian street scene with people greeting each other and the other is of someone fishing on a river bank, both are 8 x 10" and in very old gilt frames."
Posted by JT on 5 Mar 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	18th C paintings that depict Victorian scenes? These are important artifacts! They prove once and for all that 18th C artists were able to travel into the future!
	Posted by JT on 5 Mar 2011.
	I have to wonder what a guilt frame looks like. Or feels like.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 6 Mar 2011.

"If you got stabbed in the neck would it heal by itself or is it serious?"
Posted by JT on 9 Mar 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Bishops agree sex abuse rules" (Sunday Business Post http://i.imgur.com/iXSF1.jpg)
Posted by JT on 4 Apr 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Cheers to ynnaD for this one :-)
	Posted by JT on 4 Apr 2011.

"Which game do you prefer? Poo or Snooker?"
Posted by JT on 26 Apr 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Snooker. Definitely. Just don't ask me to explain why.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 27 Apr 2011.
	The difference is you can poo on snooker, but you can't snooker on poo.
	Posted by Lollipop on 11 Jun 2011.

"Do vortexes live underneath houses?"
Posted by JT on 10 May 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Where are humans most likely to exist elsewhere besides Earth in our solar system? and how likely? How humans came to earth and when?"
Posted by JT on 27 May 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Do midgets have night vision? One of my friends told me that midgets have night vision but I wasn't sure if it was true."
Posted by JT on 4 Jun 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	They do. Midgets also lay eggs. Brown eggs.
	Posted by Lollipop on 17 Jun 2011.

"I didn't expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it, but the gun recoiled, and that was it. The wart was gone, and so was most of my finger." (Man "cures" wart - with a shotgun: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/man-blasts-w...)
Posted by JT on 17 Jun 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	There are some great comments on that page, too. My favourite: "Well at least he got shot of it"!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 17 Jun 2011.

"How do you search on Google?" (Google search auto-complete suggestion)
Posted by JT on 22 Jul 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"We wouldn’t expect communities and businesses to start up with electricity or roads or water."
(From http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Home/...)
Posted by JT on 15 Aug 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	You wouldn't? I was under the impression they were considered fairly essential these days.
	Posted by JT on 15 Aug 2011.
	Hey, who needs water when you've got superfast broadband? It kind of reminds me of that "One Laptop Per Child" scheme. Sure, give them all laptops, so they can get on the Internet and read about how much better off they'd be if they had fresh running water rather than a bloody computer.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 15 Aug 2011.

"Once it starts it will move swiftly and the site will be cleared even though it might take six to eight weeks."
Posted by JT on 19 Sep 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Swiftly or six to eight weeks...?
	Posted by JT on 19 Sep 2011.
	Compared to ten years of legal wrangling I'd say 6 to 8 weeks is fairly swift!
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 25 Sep 2011.

"Pipes placed under the playing surface gather heat in the winter to warm the stadium and coldness in the summer to cool the stadium" (of Beijing's National Stadium)
Posted by JT on 24 Sep 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"You always feel older when you're older, don't you, 'cos you're older." (Pub eavesdropping)
Posted by JT on 24 Sep 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

Q. Why isn't October the 8th month of the year? A. Because they added June and July when they figured out there was approx 12 months in a year.
Posted by JT on 1 Nov 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"...using a new synthetic substance called carbon..." (badly-researched programme on how hockey masks and gloves are made)
Posted by JT on 23 Nov 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"How much far away is the other lands from USA.? Why is going to the other countires so long? I cannot wait for walking cuz of time."
(From http://www.whoinventedfoxes.com/submi...)
Posted by JT on 18 Dec 2011. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Shortly before the hearing began, four armed officers dressed in black stood in each corner of the court. Stapleton, who was handcuffed, was then brought into the dock and asked for his name. He replied: "Psycho. Psycho Stapleton." (Part 1 in a new WIF series, "How to really fuck yourself over in court) (http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/jan...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2012. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"You got a picture in the attic, aintcha, like that wossisname bloke out of that film."
Posted by JT on 22 Apr 2012. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Hello Mr X, this is Talk Talk! We can offer you free Broadband" "I already have free Broadband." "But how much do you pay for it...?"
Posted by JT on 21 Jun 2012. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"My stomach is still a bit funny despite those oysters." "You've got an upset stomach and you still ate oysters?" "Yeah, if you eat them live they eat the germs in your stomach and make you better."
Posted by JT on 18 Jul 2012. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"I'm sure this man on the olympicss just said they started 3000 years ago! Its only 2012 so how would that work?!"
Posted by JT on 17 Aug 2012. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	The Olympics was first held in the year -988. I thought everyone knew that.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 18 Aug 2012.

"The darling of the Beijing Games when she was just 13, Simmonds - now 24 - aims to defend her 100m and 400m freestyle titles..." (Published by the Daily Mail 29.08.12 - the Beijing Games took place in 2008. No gold medal for the DM proof readers.)
Posted by JT on 29 Aug 2012. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Careful as you lift that - 20kg of sugar is heavier than you'd expect."
Posted by JT on 29 Sep 2012. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Do ducks have wings?"
Posted by JT on 7 Jan 2013. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"i'm trying to print a .gif file, but whenever i print it out the picture doesn't move? am I doing something wrong?"
Posted by JT on 11 Jan 2013. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet

"Police in Manchester have found what are believed to be parts for the first 3D gun ever discovered in Britain." (BBC News)
Posted by JT on 20 Jan 2014. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Fortunately, it can only fire 2D bullets.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 25 Jan 2014.

"Less than half of schools are performing worse than average." (Michael Gove, British Secretary of State for Education, who presumably went to one of those schools. Another minister asked Gove if he thought it was possible for more than half of schools to perform better than average; Gove replied that it was, if the schools performing worse than average "improved continually.")
Posted by JT on 3 Feb 2014. (0) (0) Permalink Tweet
	Most people have more than the average number of legs. (What do you mean by "average"?)
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 8 Feb 2014.

A synthesised chemical will never work in the exact same way a natural chemical will.
Posted by JT on 12 Aug 2009. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Not sure this one will really make people laugh, it's a bit too widespread and probably everyone's heard it before a thousand times.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 12 Aug 2009.
	yeah but u smell of bottoms
	Posted by fred on 12 Aug 2009.
	Fleshes out the site a bit more though, dunnit? BTW, Fred is teh gheyzors, lulz.
	Posted by JT on 15 Aug 2009.

"What is a impotence thing do you have?"
Posted by JT on 28 Aug 2009. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet
	Do we need a category for "incoherent babble"?
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 31 Aug 2009.
	Yeah, I decided we did.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 31 Aug 2009.
	I think so too.
	Posted by JT on 1 Sep 2009.

"If a worker can assemble one computer per day how many workers will be needed to complete the job in 28 days?"
Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet
	0.0357?
	Posted by JT on 9 Sep 2009.

"Do house alarms make noise when a house is broken into when no one's home?"
Posted by JT on 4 Nov 2009. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet
	"When a tree falls but there's nobody there to hear it..." for the modern urbanite, perhaps?
	Posted by JT on 4 Nov 2009.
	Tell you what. Let me know where you live and when you're not home, and I'll go and break into your house and see if the alarm makes a noise.
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 4 Nov 2009.

"I am working as an accountant in Nilgiris supermarket? How to calculate tax in purchase invoice 12.5% and 4%?"
Posted by JT on 24 Nov 2009. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet
	You're not a very good accountant, are you?
	Posted by JT on 24 Nov 2009.
	Hmm. I think I should start shopping in this supermarket. "Tell you what, I'll pay you 25% extra for these goods, as long as you give me 25% off. How's that sound?"
	Posted by Wrongfellow on 24 Nov 2009.

"What fraction of the people live on the earth?"
Posted by JT on 30 Dec 2009. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet

"When was the first blizzard?"
Posted by JT on 31 Dec 2009. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet
	A few years ago. I remember it well.
	Posted by Socky on 1 Jan 2010.

"if my gf caughs right after me ejaculating in her effective in getting all the semen out? is it effective in preventing pregnancy?"
(From http://answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...)
Posted by JT on 2 Jan 2010. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet

News headline: "Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni"
Posted by JT on 3 Jan 2010. (0) (1) Permalink Tweet

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